thread: Guardianship

  1. #1
    BellyBelly Member

    Sep 2004


    My DD is three and has been going to daycare, whereby she has a best friend (let's say her name is C).

    Well a few months ago DH caught up with C's mother and got into a conversation about our IVF journey etc etc. Well C's mother basically "offered" her unborn child to us then and there........It appears that she is somewhat "drugg addicted" and has a couple of extra-marital affairs. She is pg but doesn't know who the father is. C's father has told C's mother to basically get rid of it or she will loose C!!!!! Anyway we sort of avoided her and the topic for awhile.

    She calls DH today and said that she found a way for us to take her baby, under "guardianship". She is desperate basically and the baby is due over the next couple of weeks...

    We really don't know what to do......

    But I'm sad to think that there is a baby about to be born with no one to love him/her!!!

    Comments welcomed!!!! 8-[

  2. #2
    katanya Guest

    ooh what a hard situation!

    The whole thing sounds really awful, imagine wanting to give up your unborn child to people you barely know. There are other things to consider, with drug use there is a higher risk of disability and low birth weight is not something I would be entering into privately, I would advise her to get counsilling and if she still wanted to give the baby up perhaps you could take he/she through the right channels?

    I am getting alarm bells ringing here. It will be a heart breaking path, and with the relationship with the mother and unsupportive partner, is she proposing adoption or temporary fostering?

  3. #3
    ok take 2 of going back to work.....

    Nov 2004
    Giving the gift of life to a friend..

    I would look into it also legally, as the last thing you need if you did take this baby is falling in love with it (that's the easy part!) then in a few months, years etc down the track she wants her baby back....

    You should seek advice maybe Divvy can advise...?

    My sister is an addict & has a perfectly healthy 3yr old daughter now.... So not all have problems, but yes they can be there!!!

    I want to wish you all the best & hope something positive comes of this for the baby atleast!!!!

  4. #4
    BellyBelly Member

    Sep 2004

    DH is calling lawyers today. We just really want to help out for the child's sake and feel some sort of ????? (I don't know how to explain it really) but just to say that we only just lost a baby and now one is offered to us..!!!!!

    [email protected]$$%^^$^&$*????????????????/

  5. #5
    ok take 2 of going back to work.....

    Nov 2004
    Giving the gift of life to a friend..

    Best wishes, I really hope you do get somewhere with this all....

  6. #6
    ragged_blossom Guest

    If she has been having affairs, does she know who the father is -- what if he suddenly comes into the picture. In a guardianship situation how easy is it for her to change her mind and claim the baby back later??

    Be careful


  7. #7
    Registered User

    Mar 2005


    really hard situation you've got here, I'd be really careful,yes it's sad that there will b a baby, but u have to consider.

    Is C's mum still on drugs and how far into the pregnancy did she do it for?
    If it turns out to be C's father is the dad, then won't he want it?
    What if you fall in love with baby and all turns out for the best then she tells you 5 yrs down the track that she's drug free and has leagal rights as she's the mother?

    Don't mean to be mean or sound like a *****, but maybe your hearts ruling your head. If I'm wrong then sorry I don't mean to offend you at all, and Im very sorry.

  8. #8
    BellyBelly Member

    Sep 2004

    No offence taken by any comments. I just want to hear what other people think.

    Thank you

  9. #9
    Registered User

    Aug 2004
    Hunter Valley, Wine Country, NSW

    Good Luck Sheree with your decision, it is a hard one but if you do decide to take the baby on do it all legally so the mother or father can`t come and take the baby from you, that would be just heart breaking.

    My younger sister was involved with drugs, she was on the hard stuff right throughout her pregnancy, baby had major withdrawal symptoms but she is now 21 months old and just like any other toddler.

    Wishing you the best of luck.

    Take Care


  10. #10
    BellyBelly Member

    Jan 2005

    Sheree this sounds like a hard situation to be in.

    If you do decide to go ahead with the adoption. I would have to say only do it if your going to follow correct legal procedures.
    The reason i say this is because i know someone who has recently been to the courts to find out exactly what rights the parents have, unless you go through the correct channels with the courts the biological parents are legally allowed to take the child at any time regardless of how long you may have have the child for.

    Good luck and please make sure you REALLY know what your rights are as a Adoptive parent.
    Please keep us informed. Take care Leah

  11. #11
    Senior Moderator

    Nov 2004

    Hmm... I see you are in Perth.

    Okay, here's some GENERAL advice. It pertains mainly to Victorian law, and I'm not familiar with WA law, it will probably be different. But this might give you an idea about how to start the process.

    In Victoria, the adoption process is somewhat awkward. You need to contact the Adoption and Permanent Care team at your local Department of Human Services offices. (DHS is the state government agency which is concerned with the welfare of children, amongst other things). I believe the same agency in WA is the "Department of Families and Children" or something like that.

    The Adoption worker (usually a qualified social worker) will come to your home and do a "home" assessment. It's basically a report on your family, how they get along, and your parenting skills and abilities. Also the home environment, like if you have enough bedrooms, etc.

    After the report, if you are recommended to continue, you are placed on the waiting list. You have to do a number of counselling sessions whilst "waiting".

    Bear in mind that only about 30 babies are adopted in Victoria each year. The waiting list is huge. My friend, who was on the list, was told there was a wait of up to ten years, and probably longer.

    In Victoria, the birth mother gets to choose the adoptive family. There is a settling down period before the adoption is finalised. Consent MUST be obtained from both the mother and the father, unless the Court orders otherwise.

    (Please note that this is GENERAL advice and does not pertain to step-parenting adoptions).

    In your particular case, it seems that the mother of the child may be involved with DOCS/DOFC already. In Victoria, DHS prefers to place the child with family first, if they are available. Guardianship is the last step in the protective process, and is only undertaken if there is NO other option. Guardianship can also be revoked on the application of EITHER birth parent. It involves court cases which may also be stressful.

    My general advice is to get in contact with your local DOFC/DOCS agency and also get yourself a lawyer. (Not necessarily in that order).

    It may be a fairly straightforward process, but you MUST follow the correct procedures, or you could find yourself in very hot water.

    If you want, email me with more details, and I might be able to help.


  12. #12
    BellyBelly Life Member

    Jan 2005
    in the valley of cuddles with mountains of smiles

    Probably too late but I'll add it anyway ...

    I think also with adoption and even fostering you have to be past post 12 months any trying to concieve treatment/IVF and pregnancy 'loss'. In our adoption case this was rule 10years ago - ttc for us that is (not a pg. loss or even any IVF -they ask you +++++ questions about your relationship).

    Our son's mother had no father listed on birth records and it always bothered me someone would try to take him away if they found out later - social worker could never give us a definate answer but said unlikely ! They changed rules/laws all the time rectrospectively!

    Also, apparently with guardian ship in NSW - grandparents and other relatives can also lodge applications in Family Court even in opposition to mother wishes and legal signing of guardianship documents(though in case of my cousin she had passed away and her ex was still a living S**T ).

  13. #13
    Lucy in the sky with diamonds.

    Jan 2005
    Funky Town, Vic

    Sheree - what happened??

    I'm dying to know. I used to have dreams that this would happen to me. where i work I see so many incidents like this, and I just want to grab the baby and go home. DP and I are thinking of trying foster/respite care.

    You may find that the mother might change her mind if she finds out she is not entitled to the $3000 maternity payment if the child leaves her care within 26 weeks. Icky, I know. Maybe you don't mind if she keeps the payment, and you can keep the baby (I know this sounds simplistic) with you.
    You will need to be able to prove the child is now in your care to claim any benefits, at FAO usually this is confirmed by the agency that dealt with the "transfer".

    If you need any help in relation to Family assistance, let me know.