Hi, i've been a member of BB for a few years now, with my 'home' being the Long Termers Forum! Unfortunately this last week I had to have a hysterectomy due to all the fertility complications I've had with fibroids and adhesions over the years - so my dream to have a baby is now over.
I literally came out of hospital on Thursday, turned 41 yesterday, am single and feeling very sore and sorry for myself at the moment!
I know single adoption is a mine-field but I've decided to at least start doing some research to see what my options are. Hope to learn some more here and am happy to receive any info or advice from anyone - particularly anyone who has been through single adoption.
Going through a really tough time with the physical pain from the surgery at the moment but I have to say it's the emotional side of things that is so much harder.
Marg, I am sorry to hear you have had a tough time and had to go down the hysterectomy route.
A good friend of mine soon to be 41 is single and adopting and currently has a file over in Ethiopia so hopefully she will get good news some time this year. She started the process about 4-5 years ago and she found in the ACT there were 2 countries that consider single adoption, Ethiopia and South Korea. I am not sure on the status of these countries for adoption at the moment as they tend to open and close to applications depending on their own country policies and the volume of adoption applications they already have to manage.
I can recommend talking to your State's adoption authority and book in for the seminars you will probably need to do to be eligible to apply in the first place.
Have you heard about or considered Permanent Care as an option? It is similar to local adoption, the child though is not legally adopted but the court rules that you become their legal guardian until the age of 18, which is essentially the same thing as local adoption. Perhaps something you can discuss with your State Agency. Permanent care may actually be something that is a quicker and desperately needed care option for children in Australia that need permanent families in their lives. Something DH and I have been considering for some time.
I hope you give yourself time to grieve and to recover from your operation.
xx
Thanks so much for your reply. It has certainly been a rocky road over the last few years and I do feel like I'm going through a grieving process at the moment. Unfortunately I know I'm not the only woman who is experiencing the same thing - sometimes life just isn't fair.
I do need to spend the next few weeks healing both physically and emotionally so I'm not going to jump into any kind of adoption process immediately - but I think it does help the healing to at least be doing some research and keep my mind busy!
I did do some reading today about permanent care and I must admit that it would definitely be my first option. I have a feeling with being single, that it will still take a lot of luck!
Hey
Wow there are some very sad stories on here. I wish everyone luck with their adoption plans.
I am interested in hearing from anyone that has gone through the adoption process, or is currently, preferably in WA. I would like to start the process in a year or so, I am currently looking into what is involved, and also would like to hear peoples stories about the ups and downs of the process.
I've been a long term lurker here at bellybelly, but have now decided to join.
My hubby and I have been married 8 years and TTC 7 of them (I took the last year off after an emotional breakdown, that resulted in some lost friends, but that's a post for another day), we're now focussing on Permanent Care or local Adoption in Victoria.
Right now, we reside in n/w WA, in the Pilbara, but are returning to South Gippsland VIC very soon. the sooner the better, I think. I'm really homesick! (Been up here over 4 years.....I miss grass! hahaha)
Anyway, I love reading all the different POV's and the personal stories. I'm all about being informed and self education and to be very honest, I'm quite excited about it all! Of course, we can't start the ball rolling until we get back to Vic, but still..........I have something new to look forward to. I don't kid myself--I know this could all fall in a heap and we'll still be childless, so even though I'm excited I'm still very realistic about it, but it's given us another option for parenthood that we hadn't considered before. I wasn't ready to give up TTC "one of our own", and I fully believe that you have to close that door to be able to open this one. At least, that's what it was for us. And truthfully, I was always really anxious/worried about giving birth!
Well, anyway, back to the forum to search for relevent threads and information on this new path. Hope everyone is having some joy in their quest for parenthood, whatever path they are taking!
It's been a while since I've been on the forums, so figured it was time I came and posted in here.
In June 2010 I went to an information evening on fostering with my aunt who was looking to foster. Fostering is something that my husband and I have always discussed as our plan if TTC didn't work out - but we were always told that we would have to wait a minimum of 2yrs after stopping any fertility treatment, or 2yrs after any grief event such as a miscarriage.
At the time of the information evening it had only been 3mths since our last miscarriage, but after 7+yrs of TTC and no success I had already decided that I couldn't put myself through another cycle of TTC.
I asked some questions that night and were told that each case is assessed on an individual basis and I may not have to wait 2yrs to start the process of fostering. So I asked for someone to contact me for more information.
In July 2010 we had two case managers from the agency come and meet us and discuss what type of care we would opt for. Prior to them arriving we were thinking respite care, but by the time they left we were leaning towards long term care. They thought a 6-12mth wait after the last pregnancy would be appropriate and that by the time we finished the assessment & training that period would be over.
We started the intensive assessment & training phases in August 2010 and went to the panel for approval in October 2010 and were approved as long term carers for up to 3 siblings, aged 0-12yrs.
It all happened a lot faster than we thought it would. We had been planning an overseas trip in Nov/Dec 2010. So we asked that we not be matched with a placement until we returned from our trip after Christmas. However, the agency told us that they already had a match to 3 siblings (boy, girl, boy all under 5yo) that were currently with a short-term carer and when we returned from our trip they would transition them to us. A week before we left for our overseas trip we were told that the short term carers had now decided that they wanted to become the long term carers for these 3 siblings. That wasn't the normal practice and they had to apply to Community Services to do so, and Community Services told them no that they would be placed with us. This began a battle that carried on the whole time we were overseas as the current carers appealed the Community Services decision.
We returned from our trip at Christmas time and our agency asked us to come in for a meeting the first week in Jan 2011. They told us that the matter would be decided by the end of Jan, but if we wanted to be matched with another set of children then that would be fine. We said we would just wait and see what happens. We got a call the last week in January to say that they want us to take another placement that has become available - 3 little sisters under 3yo and could we come in for a meeting.
We went into the meeting and if we were to take this placement then the first set of 3 children would remain with their short term carers. We discussed it and decided not to take that matter any further. So we then found out about the 3 little girls that would become our foster daughters. Their ages at the time were 3mths, 13mths and 2yr11mths and they were currently split between two emergency carers. We went home, discussed it and told them yes.
So on 1st Feb 2011 (our 8yr wedding anniversary) we got to meet our 3mth old for the first time. She moved in with us permanently on 7th Feb 2011. We then started a month long transition plan of the older two girls and they moved in with us permanently on 16th March 2011.
It's been a crazy 6mths and the girls are now aged 10mths, 20mths and 3.5yrs. We have long term court orders for the girls to stay in care til they turn 18. We've had many ups and downs during the last 6mths and I'm sure we have many more ahead of us! But it's all been worth it.
I never imagined that we would be placed with children so young - I assumed that they would be school aged children. So it was a shock when they told us how young the girls were - and I realised that I didn't get to miss out on night feeds and changing nappies. We consider ourselves to be very lucky that they are part of our lives.
Thanks for sharing your journey. One of my siblings joined our family at 5 months of age through fostering, and as an adult has been adopted by my parents. We also had 3 siblings stay with us for a short time (6 months ish), but 3 under 3 is impressive!
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