I want to study but it all seems so hard

[Willow]

I've been feeling totally unmotivated and just plain bored with work for a while now. I was hoping that 12 months away on maternity leave would give me a fresh start and a more positive outlook but I've been back about a month now and nothing has changed. I don't want to be doing this for the next 15-20 years.

I have been a legal secretary/PA/paralegal for the last 10 years (working in a variety of those three roles in that time).

I think I want to study but every time I start to look into it I convince myself in about 5 mins flat that it's too hard, I'm not capable of ultimately having a professional career.

I completed my HSC but at the time I was lazy, I didn't want to go to uni, I just wanted to finish school, get a job that paid well and bide my time until the whole marriage and babies thing came along. That's all I ever wanted to do. And until this point, that plan has served me well.

But now it looks like our family is complete earlier than I'd anticipated (I had planned on having more children but fate has had a part to play in that) and the reality that I'm going to be working for quite some time to come is starting to set in.

I have explored a few options - I had this great idea that I'd love to be a Lactation Consultant (and still would love to) but after researching this option quickly came to the conclusion that it's a long and windy road and I might not ever get there. There is no direct course of study. The biggest obstacle was that most LCs have a medical/nursing background and I absolutely do not want to do nursing. I've spent enough time in hospitals to know that.

The other options I keep coming back to are psychology or law.

Law would be the easy option. Like I said, I've worked in a legal setting for 10 years now. I think my employment history would help to secure me a place and I'd have the support of my firm, which would make it easier when it came to things like study leave, practical placements/work experience etc. I just don't know if that's ultimately what I want to do. I would prefer a complete change I think but if this is the most 'do-able' option, then it's wise to at least explore it.

Psychology interests me more but after checking out a few uni websites, I'm scared! I just don't know that I am capable. I'd have to study part time at this stage to work around my work and family commitments and it just seems like it would take forever for me to complete - and that's if I even got in! I just don't know that I've got the grey matter for it.

I have no idea how I'd even go about applying, I think I'd have to do that through UAC (I completed my HSC but did mainly humanities subjects so didn't qualify for a TER - that's what it was called back then, no idea if it's still the same.)

I'm 30 so I don't exactly have time on my side. If I'm going to do this it has to be soon.

How did you choose what you wanted to study? Did you do it for the sake of studying or with an end career path in mind?

[Janie]

I hear you hun! I'm looking forward to reading others replies........

[bon]

You won't know if you are capable until you give it a go I think you should look into different universities (they all have websites now) and which courses sound good to you and then contact the admissions centre at the uni and find out how you go about applying.

The first time I went to uni - straight out of school - I studied for the sake of it. I did a Bachelor of Arts, which was never really going to get me anywhere, although I did enjoy it. I was pregnant by the time I graduated, so went straight into marriage and babies. Now this year I have started a Bachelor of Nursing, which I chose for 2 reasons: 1. It interests me and 2. I am virtually guaranteed a job when I graduate (and even before, as an EN or AIN). Anyway, if you want to study, don't do it for the sake of doing something. And don't choose a course (like law) just because it seems more 'do-able' than other options. If you are not really that passionate or interested in law or becoming a lawyer, it will not be worth your while to spend 3 or 4 years of your life and a lot of money in fees and textbooks on a career path you really are not that into.

[Snacks]

I studied music at uni and then decided I didn't want to work in the industry or be a teacher, so... I became a secretary. I've been doing admin work now for a few years (in between having a baby) and now I'm studying massage therapy through a private college. I chose to do it because I like massage (think it has MANY positive benefits) and because I thought it would be a good part-time job that would suit my lifestyle once our second kid comes along. And it's something I can hopefully just do for myself, rather than working for someone else, KWIM? So I suppose my decision was based on both...
It's hard studying and having a family, (and my course isn't as complicated or difficult as university study) what with the time for classes and study, the money and trying to fit work in there too. It's hard work, but so worth it!
Obviously it's up to you, but if you're more passionate about psychology then I'd say go for it! Don't be scared: if you are able to keep up with your study you'll do fabulously!
Think too - you're likely going to be working for another 30 years. Would you be happy staying in the legal profession for that time? If yes, then I guess that makes sense too, and it sounds like a win-win whichever you choose
I'm sorry, I don't think I've been much help here... But I've always felt that study is worthwhile. Even if you don't 'use' it, it helps you develop your sense of self and your ideas. Go for it, Willow!

[Smoke Jaguar]

Oh, chick - it IS hard, but you don't have to knock it over in the minimum time, either!
I'm doing the psych option - slow and steady...and this semester is looking really dicey, unfortunately (just because with young child and other volunteer committments, any unplanned events just upset a very delicate apple cart...and that happened this semester!).
The course is great and some days I feel more than up to it, and others I really just wish I never had this goal so that I could just be enjoying every day with my kidlet. But of course, I do have this goal, and I am at about the half way mark (well, just a little over), so I have to push on - DP wants me to do it (on its own, not a good enough reason to put myself through it), we've paid a lot of money in childcare all year so that it could be 'easier', and I really love the course. There are things I want to do that need me having this damn degree. Although, it's not the end of the world if I don't finish, because my last degree (pre-children!!) is really quite interesting (probably not very high paying!) and I could probably continue along those lines (current degree is a change in tack, because the last one was an Honours degree in Anthropology) and still look at what I am interested (i.e. breastfeeding!), just from a different discipline's perspective. Some days I think I'm not cut out of the scientific approach, and that the Arts, literary approach is far more my style. But I could add to my credibility by having this current course's degree IYKWIM? Just adds a different dimension.
Put it this way. If you are thinking you want to study, then your brain is up for anything you want to do - that doesn't make your choices any easier, but it does give you confidence if you need it. So, it's a matter of taking a leap of faith, realising that if that leap falls short because of life getting in the way...it's not the end of the world, you've still had your greatest, most lasting and significant achievement (at least, I really believe this in my case) and that's your DS Whatever I try and fail, I always have this to congratulate myself on - he's my walking certificate!
As for age, I'm 32, and I started this degree when I was 29. I could really freak myself out and think about the time factor in chronological years. Recently I decided to think about my future in terms of how I feel and to forget the years. We want a farm soon, and sometimes I think "I'm too old for a farm - I should have started years ago"...and then catch myself and ask where this restriction is coming from. It's only from me. And my age doesn't define me, it just describes me chronologically. So, then I think anew that I feel fit and vigorous enough for this farm caper, and no matter what my age is, I feel I could give a farm life a good 25 more years of my energy. And that's on top of finishing this degree and getting work as a counsellor and maybe writing some academic works (published or not!). So, I implore you not to tie yourself up in your years so far on earth - we are much more than self-imposed restrictions!!
So, in sum - it's hard, no-one said it was easy. Talk to course co-ordinators and the faculty people about what you want and they can then guide you in how to apply - first you need to know what course to apply for, so they're a good start.
Good luck!!

[SassyStacey]

Hi Willow,

I made the decision to go back to university. I had reached the top in Dental Assisting, and then got offered a job in accounting, which I took. The company was very 'pro-study', and encouraged me to start. Similar to your work, it is sooo helpful when there are others around to ask you questions!

2 1/2 years later, it has been a long road, and now I am a little older, there are a few things in life I want, (children!) and unfortunately this degree is holding me back. Its a commitment not just for now, but for the next 6 years (for me).

Sometimes I find myself thinking maybe I should have a break from study, and do what I really want, but I know I shouldnt give up as the chances of me returning are low! I think you need to be determined and really want to study, as it is not easy!

I find I have to be very organised, today, for example, I left the house at 7am, and will get back at 8:30pm, then have to stay up and finish my assignment that is due tomorrow. Prepare to have late nights and early mornings (A bit like children I assume?). They say to add 10 hours of study on top of attending lectures and tutorials (usually 3 - 4 hours of contact time at the university) , and when you take work time out of that, I really dont have alot of spare time for social life!

You could do it by distance, I am doing one subject by distance currently, and I find it is too easy to find things around the house to do, and avoid the study! Again, you have to set aside some study time, but that is difficult when there are so many other things to do.

I think you shouldnt worry about if you are capable, I think you are, anyone can do anything if you just concentrate, make time for it and really put your mind into it!

I am in QLD, and we apply through QTAC. I wouldnt worry about getting in, sounds like you have some smarts! They offer classes for mature students, to brush up on maths, essay writing etc, before the semester starts. And maybe you could even see if you could get credit for any subjects, through showing practical examples in your work, if you go into law.

Sounds like you do want to study, and as much a I complain, I would probably get bored if I didnt have study to occupy my time. And getting marks back and seeing you have done well is really satisfiying!

Hope all goes well!

[MrsFabuloso]

Hi willow,
I won't say it's not hard to study, work and have a family. But if its something that you really want then go for it. It can be done. You just need to prioritise. You do need to be organised and dedicated- to your family and to your studies and it is a balancing act, but in the end well worth it. It is something that will be for you and the pride and accomplishment you feel when finished is great! You can do it, it does take time to get used to it and can be a bit of a struggle at first, LOL even at the end!! But as I said it's worth it!

Maybe try a shorter tafe course or something not as long and involved as a uni course to see if it's really what you want?

[Janie]

Maya, I know it wasn't directed at me, but thank you for that beautiful, uplifting post.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?

[Jennifer13]

Hi Willow

I've finally finished my 2nd degree, my Masters, after what feels like forever! I feel like I've been studying ever since I finished school, and when I did leave school the idea of doing a degree that took four years seem liked too long.

I left my first course and took a couple of years out (didn't like what I'd chosen). I went back and studied externally through UNE and completed my BA majoring in English lit. Externally was a great option as it meant I could still work full-time (had a partner for most of it but no child) and it ended up taking me four years as I changed my major. It was great to see so many older ppl doing the subjects - some had retired and were doing it for interest, some were approaching middle-age and looking for a career change and some had families and this was more flexible. It really gave me the motivation to keep going and I never once thought I was starting/changing careers too late because of it!

I went to Sydney Uni to do my postgrad Masters as their course suited my career path. It was well scheduled and I could do subjects after hours and on summer breaks. I had my baby when I was half way through and took 18 mths off before finishing the last few subjects. I really enjoyed having the time to do something with my brain and meeting new ppl after my DD came along. I was working (for myself) at the same time, but it added an extra dimension. Sometimes I completely lacked the motivation to keep going, but after getting so far it would have bugged me no end to NOT finish!

The thing is, there are options that make juggling study/work/family possible, as long as you don't overload. Throw away the idea that you can't take 10 years to finish something, you'll be too old, etc. I didn't know about taking summer subjects, for eg, when I started and assumed it'd take me twice as long. Occasionally you think timing is good and you can do a couple of subjects at once. It doesn't matter how long it takes you to get there, because in the end, you'll be satisfying that part of you that needs the added stimulation and the change while you're studying.

As for work - talk to your boss. There's a chance that you will still qualify for some form of study leave and assistance even if you don't do law. Plenty of organisations employ someone with a psychology degree in HR, or similar. Otherwise, have a look into all of the different courses that are available and see if there is something that you'd really like to do. Be prepared to start something and find it isn't what you thought it'd be - you can always change and still get credit for what you've done. The journey IS as important as the destination!

If it all seems like it might be a bit much right now, keep it in mind for 12 mths or 2 years and look into it again. Like I said, I was totally inspired when I saw 65 year olds taking subjects at uni, it made me think of all the things I am desperate to do in my life and feel like I don't have to cram them all in at once.

[Smoke Jaguar]

Janie - wow, glad to have had a good effect!! Exactly - I have the words of my favourite teacher in my head: Seize every opportunity
Willow, Stacey reminded me of something else. I've done some of this course on-campus (pre-child) and the rest distance. Distance wasn't so bad when DS was younger, but increasingly not possible nowadays. I'm actually on campus now, with DS in care in the next building, because at home I realise I get nothing done except stress that I'm not studying! DS takes up my headspace (he's a very welcome tenant, there, mind you ) when home, so I decided to spend two days a week at uni. Unfortunately, it would appear that with the whirlwind of home left behind, I use this campus time to gather my thoughts and have 'down time', instead of actually working hard on uni work. Soooooooooooo...I've enrolled into on-campus mode for next year, to see if the structure of that will help my brain-organisation. It's only one unit per semester I'm doing, so I won't be in class all day even the days I'm in, but that's ok because the rest of the time I can go to a study space far more 'in the zone' after a lab or lecture, and THEN go home and try to separate the two headspaces as much as I can. It's harder to do that with study than work, because, invariably, what you are learning and thinking about for assignments is in your head, not on your desk in an office. I find this to be my biggest study challenge by far, in all my years at uni (far more than I care to admit to right now!!). Just another thought to echo Stacey's comments about that.
You WILL have the days of "why am I doing this?", so you need other people around you who can pick you up by the shoulders and repeat your goals back to you when you seem to have forgotten the bigger picture. My DP doesn't have an academic background and just doesn't know how to be my cheer squad (thinks 'reverse psychology' like "I guess you just don't want to pass" will work ), it's just not something his family valued before meeting me. I DO have my mum who can be good sometimes, as well as my other friends who know what I want to do with this thing ...not to mention the university counselling service when it all seems to be falling apart at the seams (like now).
And there's always this thread, when you are really struggling for internal motivation!!

ETA:

If it all seems like it might be a bit much right now, keep it in mind for 12 mths or 2 years and look into it again.

Yes! Thanks, Jennifer - great advice

[Jennifer13]

PS Don't worry about getting in - unis are very keen to have 'Mature Age' students as they have much better completion rates. You aren't judged by the same criteria as school leavers and I have not yet heard of a mature age student who has not gotten in (although they aren't applying to Medicine!). If you don't get in to your chosen course for any reason most unis offer a bridging course option which is worth considering. But you may as well apply and find out if you can get in! I just applied directly to the university each time (they can supply paperwork, etc).

[Jennifer13]

I agree with you, Maya, I actually found on-campus, attending lectures, etc, easier once DD came along than I would have found external study, which I loved previously. It just gave me a bit more motivation to have things done in time. But if I had to do it at times that didn't suit I would have gone back to external study and gone along to the local uni library when I needed to study, to make sure I got things done.

[Aimz]

Willow I feel like I have read the story of my life! LOL

I thought the same thing - get through the HSC, get a good job, get married, have babies. Perfect life. I am also a PA/Executive Assistant and a few months ago my boss called from his office and said "I'd love a coffee Amy". I actually felt guilty that I had forgot to offer!!! WTF!! It was then that I thought I am better than this. I am smarter than this. I am more valuable than this.

So I applied for uni and last week I got a letter saying that I had been accepted into my chosen course at my chosen university. I also plan on studying part time (by distance) while I continue to work. I have chosen the Bachelor of Arts degree majoring in Sociology. I have absolutely NO idea what I want to "be" when I have finished the course but I will be studying something that I enjoy and that stimulates my brain. The course will show me where I want to go career wise and I will just go with the flow on that.

If you want to study psychology then GO FOR IT!!! Don't just study law because it's what you know and it would be easier. Go with your passion. You need to be driven to be able to get through all of the assignments and exams. You have to WANT to study those subjects. Otherwise what's the point? My DH was at uni for 6 years getting is Masters and he doesn't even have a career in that feild because he hated the subjects so much.

Believe in yourself - you CAN do this!!

ETA: I applied as a mature age student. All I had to do was send them a copy of my resume and a "letter of motivation" and I was accepted based on this.

[Janie]

PS Don't worry about getting in - unis are very keen to have 'Mature Age' students as they have much better completion rates. You aren't judged by the same criteria as school leavers and I have not yet heard of a mature age student who has not gotten in (although they aren't applying to Medicine!). If you don't get in to your chosen course for any reason most unis offer a bridging course option which is worth considering. But you may as well apply and find out if you can get in! I just applied directly to the university each time (they can supply paperwork, etc).

Thanks Jennifer, it's good to hear that, but I still feel very nervous about getting in. I think it's one of the things that puts me off even investigating the courses I'm interested in. Not that I'm looking at doing it yet, I want to be finished with having babies before embarking on a uni degree. I think the one thing keeping me motivated (in my mind) to look to the future is that I feel very passionate about the career that I want. I'm okay with not having it now, I do enjoy my current one (as well as mothering ), but I do want it one day IYKWIM.

So sorry for hijacking Willow! I agree with the others.........if you really don't feel any passion for law, then don't do it! It might seem harder to start something from scratch, but in the long run it will be soooooo worth it. And don't totally disregard the whole LC idea, you never know what might happen that could make that happen for you!

[Smoke Jaguar]

Janie's

I want to be finished with having babies before embarking on a uni degree

I now know why women do this!! there is a lot of merit in this approach!
If I knew I was going to be pregnant in 3 months time when I was enrolling in 2005, I would have probably delayed study. Well, I'd like to think I would have! Really, the only reason I keep going is because I started before I was pregnant and kept going thinking I"d better finish what I started...though if I'd quit back then, I'd have done so whilst ahead!!
I don't really want to contemplate 4th Year until all the kids I'm going to have are at school.
I'm just no good at prioritising study over being as fully 'present' for my child as possible. DS will always come first, and that's starting to show in my school work I know students who are able to say "well, I have to do this now, I'll miss out on a bit of my kids, and it's just part of the deal". Which works for them and that's their thing. I just can't justify it that way. I get one shot with DS, and I won't be a parent/student who resolutely stays behind the shut door of my study whilst DS bangs on the door for my attention (I studied with someone who did this with her two year old and it broke my heart hearing it!).
So, to all those contemplating it, if you're not in an absolute hurry for it and you have children under 3yo, think about this aspect of it - your child is going through an intense developmental period that you can't put on hold and you can't get back; you miss it and it's gone forever. After this age, development takes on a slower pace, giving you a bit more leeway for your own pursuits.
That's just my take on it, as I said, and others will feel differently about how they spend time with their kids. Maybe I was just never organised enough to do it properly!!
Good luck all you students - it's crunch time!

[Willow]

Wow, thanks for all the replies - I didn't expect to get so many!

At the moment with an 11 month old breastfed baby (and no plans to stop any time soon) and a preschooler, the only viable option would be to study externally. It's hard enough to balance 2 days at work without attending lectures on campus etc.

The other thing I should have mentioned is that I do only work 2 days a week. There is also the option that if things got too hectic I could drop that back to one day - there's a reason I've stayed in this job for so long…the money's great

Janie - hello! I don't mind you hijacking at all. We've had a few chats about this, I know you're in the same place at the moment. Re the LC thing - I've really looked into it, spoken to a few LCs and it's just such a vague area. There is no direct line of study to qualify to sit the IBCLC exam (can't remember the name of it, but you know what I mean). It's possible that counsellors through the ABA could qualify after years and years of face to face counselling and undertaking extra studies to cover the medical/science requirements. We all know that Barb's done it. But even then, there's no guarantees I'd qualify. Apparently the exam is extremely difficult (as it should be I suppose) and even candidates with medical and nursing experience find it challenging. As you know, I was supposed to start my ABA counsellor training but I had to put it off because I just couldn't meet the time commitments at the moment. It requires a lot of involvement at a local group level and I just wasn't finding the time. Speaking of which, you've just reminded me that I have to plan a group meeting for one of my CE assignments - eep! Better get onto that over the weekend. Anyway, I digress…

I've just been reading your thread Amy - well done!!

Maya - you make some great points. I can sit here for the next 5 years saying 'it'll take too long' or I can get started and slowly work my way through it.

I guess I have a lot to think about. In the meantime, I'm just checking out some uni websites and might contact UAC next week and have a chat to them. As my DH said to me today, my biggest hurdle is the lack of confidence I have in myself.

In the meantime, keep the responses coming ladies, I'd love to hear from more of you that are studying…

[Aimz]

Willow you don't need to apply through the UAC if you plan to study by distance. All distance education students apply directly to the university. Call the admissions office at your chosen university and ask them HEAPS of questions - that's what they are there for!

[Willow]

OK, thanks Amy. Will have to check out the unis again. Our 'local' uni isn't offering psychology any more anyway.