to see what bilbs looks like, go to the homepage of Dragonflymagik, she is this fortnight's "cover" baby. in the blue nappy.

i am amazed so many of you read and responded to my post, thank you so much! i do feel less anxious, for feeling like i "talked it out" with all of you. And no-one told me to stop being silly, which i wouldn't have blamed you for saying, if you had!

Dependent on the weather, i will prepare a few different "looks" for her, and let the photographer decide which she thinks will photograph the best. I have never met the photographer before, but she told dh that she had PND herself, so has some understanding of why i am so anxious about the photos.

i am really grateful for you all listening and telling me what you think.

thank you all so much.

i realise it's not just "having photos" for me.
THis photo shoot represents:
- the hurt of being proposed to, engaged but not married
- never having nice photos taken of me and dh pre-bilbs (or any other time)
- bilbs being illegitimate (which really matters to me)
- missing out on having her photographed (with a good camera, by a photographer) at earlier ages, that time will never come again
- being very aware of my age, and worried how old i am to have a young baby, i desperately need the soft focus lens but bilbs of course does not. Only a few years ago my face was full, now my features have gone all angular, the skin is not plump anymore. I feel like WitchyPoo and my health has been terrible the last two years (shows in my skin).
- not having any interested grandparents to show the photos to afterwards
- scared of having a panic attack on the day, and being unable to play with bilbs at the right time
so it's alot more (emotionally) than JUST the actual photos

but she is my beautiful bilby and i love her more than i can say. i know i will treasure the photos of her.