Wow Saram thank you for such a detailed look at your beautiful son's journey. He sounds like such an amazing little man and truly unique. I can understand that the last few years must have been very frustrating and hard for you, i can understand when you say that you assumed Xander was just like any other bub because he was your first and you had nothing else to go by. I have felt like this as well to some expent however Ethan has never had a problem reaching his physical milestones and has always been a very active little guy but with things like waving bye, building a tower etc i also had to 'teach' him to do that.
I find it interesting that looking back, there were things that you noticed were 'different' about Xander starting from when he was still inside you with the kicking to loud music thing. You are a very intune mummy!
This sounds a lot like Ethan's obsessions, his were/are doors, lids, and plugs/sinks and flowers. For a while there Ethan was really obsessed with these things and would get pretty upset if i took them away but now that he's nearly three he seems to have melowed out a bit and i can tell him no and he'll be ok with that.By 2yrs of age he had developed obsessions. Wheels were a big one, locks were another. I actually made him a toy of padlocks and keys.
I was reading up on Aspergers/Autism last night and something i read stood out at me, i realised Ethan doesn't have interactive speech..yet anyway. He will tell me about his plugs, their size, colour etc but wont actually have a conversation. I really don't know if this is because he is just getting the hang of talking and will work up to that?? He does ask for things like rub my tummy, shower etc but he want say 'i want a shower' or i like my tummy rubbed etc.. its like he lacks that insight IYKWIM? Like if i say something like 'you're drinking milk, its yummy isn't it?" he'll say 'yummy milk' but i don't know if he's just repeating what i said or if he really thinks the milk is yummy. He doesn't ask questions either, but again i don't know if thats because he hasn't learnt to do that yet.
Ethan has never had a problem with change, textures, inappropriate reactions or things like that. He's always been affectionate and made eye contact. He will play with kids now and is really getting into imaginary play. He will look at what i'm pointing to and is good with non verbal communication- things that i've read some children within the spectrum can lack/have trouble with.
The things that do ring bells for me though are
his obsessions
delayed speech
not 'getting' things. Like in agroup situation where other kids might, for example, be doing actions to a song or actively participating in a story Ethan sort of doesn't 'get it'. He will just winge and want to go and play outside or play on the play equipment.
I guess there are a lot of varients within the Autism spectrum disorder and i guess Ethan could be perhaps on the higher funtioning end? Is it possible to be developmentally ok but just have some quirks? what i mean is can a kid just be quirky and be ok?
I know that sounds like i'm in denial but i just don't know what to think. Sometimes i watch Ethan playing and i think, he's absolutely fine, there's nothing wrong with him and then other times he'll do something or say something and i think hmmmm is that normal.
We went and checked out a day care round the corner from us today, i'm planning on starting Ethan there Friday next week. Just half a day a week to get him socialising with other kids and so i can get some study done. The staff seem great there and one of the carers specialises in speech delays so i feel confident sending him there. They seem very excepting of all kids and they have 2 kids there who are on the Austism spectrum (sorry if my terminology isn't right) So that put my mind at ease a bit becasue i figure that if it does eventuate that Ethan is a little 'different' then at least the staff will know what to do and accommidate his quirkiness. I'm soooo nervous for him though, i wont be there to protect him. I'm so used to making excuses for him and sticking up for him, what i mean is i'm used to saying 'oh Ethan is just grizzly today, or Ethan is reeeeally into plugs, isn't that cute?' when he's around other kids and its obvious he's 'different'... like when he makes a beeline for the sinks wherever we go and pinches the plugs lol. I guess i'm worried that i wont be there to do that IYKWIM.
Anywho so sorry this post is so long. Thank you sooo much saram for sharing your journey with me, its really helped me understand things a bit better. Thanks so much also for pming me those scales. I think Ethan is a little young for them as they seemed more suited to school ages kids but they were helpful and i really appreciate your help.
Fingers crossed Ethan goes well at his first day at day care next week. I'll let you know what happens!
It's hard to let these little ones go off on their own but good too as they have to learn there own ways of coping and interacting in the world - even if it isn't the way we would do things. I found it interesting when we had some professionals point out how much I protected Xander from changes/differences and people just out of mummy instinct. Had to take some BIG steps back so we could let xander find his own feet and work on his issues :-)
I hate crowded places, don't really like eye contact unless i know the person well, Hate loud noises and i get 'funny' in social settings..the verbal diarrhea starts flowing 
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