Christy honey......breath babe. As terrbile as this sounds......things may work out more then likely for the better now that your more in control of the in's and outs of Matilda's days.

I had this discussion withone of my friends who son is almost identical to Wilhelm. We both asked each other if we can remember our lives before the spectrum? If we can remember not to over annalyse everything, remember what it was like to be able to just go without having to preplan....remember just doing for us. I had a really good position with Westpac before I had NIkolaus.....I went to go back inot it when Wilhelm was 6 months old and his reaction to me going to the interview was more then enough for me to quit before I started. ....I lost myself somewere there for a few years.......and became this person today that I dont recognise anymore. Dont lose yourself hon..... still keep doing things for you and make sure that yo take time out for you.

I have a horribel start to the school year just horrible. I havent had the energy to post it in here....I felt very ashamed of myself for how I reacted. Wilhelm has started in a new Special needs class 2 times a week that the school has devised as of this year for SN kids...great idea BUT different and wilhelm knows whats different. He became very agressive and abusive physically. His teacher said he could bring his DS to school to which he knows I said no and he went balistic at me. I got down to his level to try and calm him down and he grabbed my plait , yanked me down and kicked me in the face twice before I could push him away ( I have now cut my hair cause of it ). He told me for the first time he hates me...not a word that is common from WIlhelm and I know he ment it because he has a very good understanding of words. I picked him up and threw him on the bed, told him I hated him back, slammed the door behind him then melted on my hallway floor and cried. All this on my birthday. THEN on the thursday this program is run the kids in it are ment to go down the street to buy food to make for lunch...WIlhelm had a spaz at school and kept yeling telling them NO. I spoke to his career and she let me in on a secret that would cost her, her job.

Last year they use to go down the street on a thursday (SN kids with career's)....Wilhelm loved it as they would stop at the bakery and share a bowl of wedges and get a drink. His career broke her leg and was off for 6 weeks...Wilhelm had started acting up and hitting Vy in this time...I never knew why...until now. The new career and her other career friends would order themselves coffee and make the SN kids sit at another table without givng them anything! Wilhelm told me he asked for something and was told to SIT and SHUT UP! Wilhlem doesnt lie...great trait of an autistic kid but OMG I started to cry. It explained so much! All the hard work we put into getting him down the street was shatted, I use to take him there and he hated it towards the end of last year..grrr...So lets just say when i get acertain 'Amanda' and Fran' in my clutches all hell is gonna break loose!

ANyway.....Wilhelm is much better these days...since Jed and I changed the boys room and have made a little lounge for them...big beanbag, his egg chair and the t.v and playstation facing away from their beds.

Sorry that I didnt post this before...its been hard even doing it now. OH and now I hear a little boy yelling for me...thanks girls