I know exactly how you feel. My DS2 is doing ok in school. HATES going & has meltdowns at school frequently but academically he is holding his own.
DS1 how ever.. Not so much. His report was full of "Insufficient evidence". Which while it is not a fail, it does show how little work he does. His teacher said she didn't put "F" 's because she simple hasn't the work to mark him. But he is improving.
We changed class rooms & he is on antidepressants. Has been on the meds for about 3 months. Im reallly hoping by the end of the year he has shown more improvement.

Have you had your DD assessed for Aspergers? Girls are often misdiagnosed as they present so different to boys. My DS1 has a Aspergers diagnosis & has an aide pretty much full time as its based on needs & he needs constant 1 on 1 to keep him on task at the moment. He also has a weighted lap bag. Do you see an OT with her? There is a good clinic in Brisbane that specializes in Girls on the spectrum & the do Skype sessions too. It may be worth looking into it.