I am becoming addicted Maz, thank you forsharing with us. What is it with so called "professionals" ignoring a mothers instinct GRRRR it makes me sooo mad.
CAn't wait to keep reading.
OMG maz i am so sorry you were treated that way, knowing where you birthed i am not surprised. You obviously looked like you were high risk who knows why they didnt do anything.
OMG girls...I didnt expect anyone to have read it already. Thank you for all your support
The Birth
My first memory was waking up and begging for my baby and my husband. All I wanted to do was put my son on my breast and bond with him.
Sorry Mrs Bourke - your son is in special care nursery...he isnt well
I so didn't need to hear that straight away. I just kept thinking
OMG my babies going to die...I need to see him..touch him....let him know his mummy loves him.
Let him know I was sorry for not feeling anything to him cause I was disapointed that he was a boy and not a girl.
Let him know that I dont care if he has a willy.....I just wanted to hold him.......give him what he needs.
I was sitting there in recovery...oblivious to the people around me (I had a general) feeling over the moon that my baby was finally born yet scared, angry and yearning all at the same time. Jed said he walked in to see me sitting there with a big cheesie grin and tears just streaming down my face. Little did I know it was the beginning of a long, long road.
I was taken to a private room. I begged the staff to take the tubes ect out and let me see my son.
NO you cant...your in no state.
No state my arse...you take me to my son now I screamed at them.
I had a pead come in and tell me (surprise surprise) that my 'son' (they could never pronounce his name) was born the his umbilical cord around his neck 3 times and was very blue due to lack of oxygen. He'd also suffered seizures and had to be monitored. they blamed the seizures on his blood levels being low but as you'll read later it wasnt the case. I was in thearter for 2 hours..alot longer then a normal c/s. The pead asked me what my expectations were feeding wise and I told him that I want to BF him NOW which he demanded a nurse take me down. Mind you this was at 6pm...Mateauz was born at 10am. I was wheeled in a wheel chair and all i could do was cry when I first was him. I had the most lovely nurse who helped me sit down and let me hold him. Jed by this time had already gone home to our other children so yet again I felt very alone and affraid. My little man was so frail and small. He had blue hands and feet, along with blue lips.....yet when I held him for that first time, I knew, he knew I was his mummy. I swear I heard a sigh as he nuzzled in to my breast. My little man knew. I didnt even hesitate, I popped him straight on my bb and he feed perfectly. I had another nurse come over and tell me I should be putting him back in his humi crib and I just glared at her. I was not doing anything of the sort. My little guy was feeding and he needed ME!
Day 1 saw a barage of u/s done on his head (which came back all clear and we later found out was not accurate enough) blood tests..were I cried so much as I watched them ***** his foot and squeeze blood out time and time again. I had an arguement with one of the head midwives who tried to put a tube down his nose to 'feed' him. I told her in ummm a colourful way where to stick the tube as I was BFing my son and that was that. I never left his side, other to sleep, pee or shower. By this stage...mateauz was looking more and more like any other new born. He was soft and fresh with long fingers and full lips like a cherub. He was doing so well that he was placed into a normal cot in SCN. 2 hours later he crashed and was put under lights and oxygen as his stats took a big dive. He had to have more testing done at this time so I took the opportunity to go and have a shower and eat something. It was in the shower that I lost it. I sobbed until my lungs hurt. I hated myself and was blaming myself for what had happened to my little guy - its a normal part of grief I was told by the social worker who visited me later in the week. Thankfully I had a wonderful midwife who was the signs of me cracking and hearing me in the shower and got the social worker for me.
I walked in the SCN on the thursday morning to find that the night nurse had infact put a tube down my son's nose to feed him, against my will. I went off to say it nicely.....and just as I was the pead walked and went off aswell. He was so angry as I had pushed to BF Mateauz the whole time and they were trying to give him formula. The nurse had tried to say that he wasnt latching on properly and thought the 'child' needed formula. The pead said the tube could stay in for 24 hours just in case but they were to call me when he needed feed. THANK GOD!!!! II remember him say if the child isnt feeding correctly why is he now then?? As I BF Mateauz straight away.
My little fella went from strength to strength. He was put back into a normal cot on the friday and was thriving. I would kidnap him later that afternoon and had him in my room so he could get some sun light as he started to get a major yellow complexion. I just sat there the whole time staring at him...taking in how perfect he looked.
ON sunday we were given the all clear to go home. The pead was happy as he was 50grams more then his birth weight...he had had no more seizures and was feeding perfectly...yet there was still that nagging in my head. Why were his hands so blue all the time? Why did his face appear blue? yet cause I was in such a hurry to get my little man home were I could nuture him....I ignored it and thought he must be fine.
And this is were the story REALLY beings...........
thanks for sharing this.
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