I've finally managed to put poor little DD down and get on the computer so I can see who said what when I reply

Thank you all so much for your advice and input, it helps to hear other peoples experiences and to know that there are others out there who are overcoming the same issues.

Brigsy's girl - I have offered her yoghurt on a spoon a couple of times - I've held the end and let her steer it into her mouth, which has worked quite well. I gave her spag bol for the first time today, I used pasta spirals and just put a few on her tray and she seemed to manage with it quite well like that. I don't mind giving her foods that are normally eaten on a spoon that way, she does need a little bit of help with it, but she's still making the main effort. I think that one phrase, 'let instinct (not fear) guide you' says it all though and that's what I need to keep remembering!

Kim - that's interesting about the charts! How old is your DD? That's quite a significant difference from 10th to 50th!!

MantaRay - Thanks for the link - I looked at the charts with great enthusiasm, but she's below the 3rd on them!! I'm not sure we could increase the number of BF she has... she is very much fed on demand and has a BF before and after each meal and before and after each sleep (some of these feeds coincide...) plus 2 feeds through the night now. At some of these daytime feeds she just has a little and i think if I tried to introduce any more feeds she would just decrease the amount she is having at each feed even more - I think she's getting sufficient for what she wants IYKWIM?

I think the main thing is that if I was to do something different now it would just be to avoid the paed appointment, and that just seems silly. I don't want to stuff her full of baby rice with the aim of making her heavier at the cost of her nutrition and all the other benefits she is getting, such as good eating habits and fine motor skills (which I can already see improving at this early stage). Last time she was referred he asked me how i felt and I told him I thought she was healthy, just small, which he seemed satisfied with, so hopefully he will be supportive of my choices again. I think perhaps he and our GP are on a slightly different page, although she didn't seem to have a problem with BLS as such, just with DD's weight.