This is hard. It seems to me he's just throwing his weight around because he can. His negativity isn't helping, nor is being insulting to you. If he doesn't like a name all he has to say is 'nope, not a fan'. Why does it need to be a personal attack against him if you like a certain name? Hmph. I'm annoyed on your behalf!
DP and I struggled with names too. I wanted something out there, he was more conservative. I absolutely fell in love with one boys name at 9wks pg, and couldn't shake it. I just kept coming back to it, and at first he liked it, butthen kind of got over it. Worried, I compiled a massive list of boys and girls names. I included ones I.didn't even like, to keep it as target rich as possible. Afterall, he had to like something I.could live with, lol. Our short list was VERY short, DP was very choosey.
In the end., I got sole naming rights - nobody's going to argue with the chick in ICU with all that gear strapped onto her. I think I even had the machine that goes PING, hehe. I wouldn't reccomend having to go through all that though to get a name you like! That's a bit rough.
My best advice is to broaden your list. There has to be a name you can both live with. Oh, and tell your DH to stop being nasty about it, and try to be objective. If all else fails, throw the name Axel out there. He might be so horrified he'll settle for one you truly like. Ahh, reverse psychology!
Tilygirl - That *is* an unconventional way to do it, but you ended up with such a pretty name for your darling girl
For Amelia, we agreed pretty quickly on her "girl name" but had trouble with what she'd be as a boy. Every name I came up with, DH would be ambivalent about. Eventually I said "right, if it's a boy, it'll be called Oscar. If you don't like it, you come up with a better name." He wasn't a major fan of Oscar, but it seemed to grow on him and he never put any effort into thinking of a better name.
It was never about who got to choose, or one having more of a right over the other until he gave me back my list with all 35 names crossed out and his 1 name written on it with 'non negotiable this is her name' under it. I didnt and dont really believe one has more of a right, however i did start to feel that if thats his attitude then i should be able to play the pregnancy/birth/raising card just a smidgen.
My OP was written in a bad headspace, straight after a fight over it where i had been told 'my child wont be named some country hick cr*p like bobby-jo, peggy-sue or any other hyphenated garbage you come up with (sorry to anyone with a hyphenated name i actually dont mind them, find some very pretty, but they arent for me) this was yelled at me before i even told him the name i had found, and of the 35 names i gave him, there is not 1 single hyphenated name, leading me to wonder if he even read my list or cares at all about my feelings on this issue. i mean where do you come up with that argument when theres no hyphenated names to argue about in the first place? Adding to my frustration is that 7 of the names on my list were on his list for dd and some were even short listed and only crossed off in hospy while i was being induced, so i know he likes/liked them. again, did he even read the list?
I do think is has turned into a power struggle and i dont want it to be this way, we did the lists last time, and in the end came up with a name we both liked, i assumed we would do that again, hence why i gave him a list. i didnt expect this reaction, and i did expect a contribution of at least half a dozen names, something we could both ponder for a while anyway.
It's not important that the name be chosen prior to birth, it is however important to me to go through the process of shortlisting names, and heading into the birth with a couple we both love, so that when bub arrives we can pick a suitable one out of a few rather than starting from scratch itms. This is something i am so excited to do and i think it will help me get through this funk im in, so i will re-write my list, knowing he doesnt like any of them (except maybe in another lifetime lol) and will add to, cross out as the weeks go by, just for me. Once we know what bub is, i will encourage him to do up a list and tell him when he feels ready to behave like an adult and have a proper discussion with me, we will swap lists and see what we can shortlist. i simply cannot live with his 'non-negotiable' name, so i will encourage him to give me a couple to throw around.
I realise both of us wanting the power and going tit for tat on this issue wasnt going to get us anywhere and well it was really getting me down, thats why i wrote this thread, to get some ideas on what people did in the same situation. it seems the situation of full on fighting/arguing over it just isnt common, but the lists do seem to be common, so i will stick with that and see how we go. should have put this in the vent section i think lol.
tilygirl i agree, while unconventional, it worked for you, and lucy is a beautiful name for your angel in the sky.
We decided when naming DS that we each had the power of veto. If it was a name we simply couldn't live with, it was off the list. Add to that my large extended family (I didn't want a family name), there were a few off the list. I wouldn't have coped without a stated power of veto, or vice versa. This time round, our girl name is staying the same (I'd like to change it, but DH is pretty happy with it, and I don't hate it, it's just becoming more popular), and our boy name was easy considering the trouble we had last time! (We know what we're having, but we're planning for both just in case, lol)
I hope your DH comes around to the fact that you can't stand the name. Can he give you a legit reason why he "must" have that one? Is it a family thing? Could it be a middle name? Good luck!
I love this thread because with 4 weeks to go we have 5 names & my fave hubby, just isn't convinced.
We have Riley, Ethan, Emmerson, Caiden & Eli. I love Caiden but don't think I'll get him to agree. I'll wait till the day & then see what bubs looks like.
I also think if it comes to we can't agree it will be out of those 5 on a piece of paper & then pull one out of hat.
Hopefully we won't get to that. Who could deny a mum who has layed in a hospital bed for 6 weeks for bubs safety on the table after a CS the naming rights of her child.... Lol
Tilygirl Lucy is a beautiful girls name love how you guys picked it
Last edited by Bex; November 20th, 2011 at 06:05 PM.
: Spelling!
We picked 5 names that we liked. 3 out of those 5 names we both liked, so they went in a hat ad we picked out DS's name the day before I went into labour. In saying that we always agreed that we would see what bubs looked like and if we agrees then we could chose one of the other 2 names we both agreed on.
But yeah, it got to the stage where we pulled his name out of a hat to decide.
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That *is* an unconventional way to do it, but you ended up with such a pretty name for your darling girl
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