"Stolen" Baby Names

[familygirl]

When I had my first daughter, I had a (pregnant) friend say to me that she was going to name her daughter the same name because that was the only name her DH liked. But she was a bit of an odd-ball...very jealous and competitive. Anyway she ended up having a boy and named him a name that I would never consider. It really aggravated me because she went on about it incessantly.

We have always told people that we like the name "Ethan" for a boy. We've got two girls so we haven't had a chance to use it but we are now pregnant again - this time with a boy. A friend of mine has just recently called her son "Ethan" and I know I never told her I liked the name because we stopped telling people the names we liked over the last few years. Anyway, I have decided to not use that name. Partly because I am afraid other people in our common group of friends will think we "stole" it from her but also because I see this friend on a weekly basis due to being part of the same mothers group. It is pretty hard because I don't really think we will be lifelong friends - well, we will probably keep in touch but wont be extremely close. I hope I don't regret not using the name...It has become a lot more popular in recent years so that has put me off the name a bit.

We have come up with another boy's name and we're not telling anyone what it is but I am afraid that if a friend I know uses it between now and April (when our baby is due), 'we're just going to go ahead and use it anyway.

[paradise lost]

Wow, this thread has really grown.

Why do some of us feel it's so important that we don't know any other kids with the same name as our own? I find it really interesting that some feel so strongly about it.

Where does the idea of ownership of a name come from? Do some feel that because they have chosen a name but not yet met their baby (while PG) that somehow it is the BABY that is in some way being "stolen" when the intended name is used by someone else? Like when you want to name a baby Anna for instance, you have a strong idea of who little "anna" will be and when your friend calls her baby Anna it feels as if she's stolen your anna, and now you can't have her?

It's so interesting to me how strong some responses are here, from real hurt and outrage at the use of a name to complete indifference.

Would anyone be willing to share the reasons behind their feelings?

Bx

[~Trish~]

Hoobley - My opinion that I expressed earlier is based on a feeling of respect. If someone I know really well (like my sister or a good friend) has shared with me their favourite name that they have their heart set on calling their future child, then I would make sure it is not on my list of names out of respect for them. I would hate for someone to feel hurt that I took something that meant so much to them. I would also expect the same respect in return. If it was someone I'm not that close to, an aquaintance, etc. it wouldn't bother me nearly as much. My step-brother and his wife (whom I rarely ever see) named their second son the same name as my first son. His wife always loved the name and even asked my mum if she thought it would bother me (which I thought was a lovely gesture). Of course it didn't bother me and I'm happy she could give him a name that she loved. Now my mum and step-dad have two grandsons with the same name!

I have tried to choose names for my boys that aren't overly common at the moment (they're not unusual either). This is simply because I thought it would be nice for them to go to school without being "John #3" in their class LOL!

I certainly don't feel any sense of ownership with their names and would be really pleased if I ever met any other boys with their names. And if anyone I meet hears their names and puts them on their list then I think they have great taste

[boomba]

Well said Trish!

If someone I know really well (like my sister or a good friend) has shared with me their favourite name that they have their heart set on calling their future child, then I would make sure it is not on my list of names out of respect for them. I would hate for someone to feel hurt that I took something that meant so much to them.

This is how i feel too! Esecially if it is a family name or a meaningful name to them

I wouldnt knowingly set out to take a name my fiends have decided on even if they are only ttc!
I spose we all have different values and ways?

[briggsy's girl]

Bx i think it really depends on the circumstances in which the name comes about - as i mentioned before, SIL's cousin had her baby this week, and the name she has chosen is the nn we have given the gremlin based on what her name will be. it doesn't phase me - we'd never discussed names with her

if however, i'd discussed names with her, and she'd been saying she was going to call her baby Anna, and we mentioned another name that we had picked and were planning to use (isabella for instance, nn bella) and she'd said "ooh, hadn't thought of that, it's really pretty" and then they chose to use it, i would feel it was a name they hadn't come up with themselves, and would therefore consider it "stolen".

it really does come down to how it's come about. i would be disappointed at this point if anyone i know used the name we've chosen, but my relationship to that person, and whether or not they KNOW the name we've chosen would impact me more. you know the name we've picked, you're not utd, so it's not a drama - but a couple of my bb friends ARE pregnant and know the name - if they chose to use it, i would feel entitled to being hurt - as they've been told and never said "oh really, we were gonna use that!" kwim? when discussing names with BW before Samuel was born, we were talking boys names and i had told her the name we'd decided on - that name was also on her list for a while. had she chosen to name her son that, i wouldn't have worried simply because i KNEW it was on her list anyway. BEFORE we talked about names... see what i mean?