When we had DS2 I really liked Cooper as a name but we decieded on Lachlan instead!! A few months later we became friends with people who have a cooper!! We are now expecting our fourth and this friend has said to me that if we still like the name then we can use it, as it does not worry them in the slightest!! Really a TRUE friend would NEVER steal your name if they knew you wanted to use it, and i consider my friend to be so precious to say that to me even thought i dont think we will use the name cooper if this bubs is a boy!!!!
I feel really sorry for you its horrible for her to do this even though she knew you wanted to use this name!!!! Honestly stuff her just use it and just explain to people who you both know that she used the name even thoughyou had already told her that you were going to use the name!!!!
I agree no dibs on names, if you love something use it, what if they never end up using it it gets wasted!! And there's a nice way to discuss it too rather than "don't you dare use it!"
Any name can be used regardless of whether a family member or friend have used it. I have 2 sets of cousins with the same name - it is just good taste Your friends may not be the same 10 years from now and your new friends may have a child with the same name. I am sure you wouldn't reject a friend based on the name of their child being the same as theirs??
If you love a name - use it. If people get their knickers in a twist that is their problem.
We had been planning a baby for a very long time and had names picked for both which a few people in the family knew about. It took us ages to conveive but in the meantime my silly 16yr old SIL got pregnant to her drop kick bf, found out she was having a girl and used our girl name & deliberately rubbed it in our face. It hurt heaps and also as we didnt conceive until she was 5months pregnant so it was a really hard time on top of it all, so I know how you feel.
I know people cant control what people call their kids, but I do think its rude, hurtful & outright mean to use a name that you know a loved one is planning to use if they have a bub on the way or are desperately trying to conceive!
And as for using the name anyway.. Its not something I would do. I like different names & certainly dont want my child having the same name as their cousin that they will see all the time.
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Your friends may not be the same 10 years from now and your new friends may have a child with the same name. I am sure you wouldn't reject a friend based on the name of their child being the same as theirs?? 
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