*VENT* over the tantrums

**MrsB26** · March 6th, 2011, 05:42 AM

Lately ds has been having the biggest tantrums over the smallest things. Right now he is outside with dh crying over the fact that i wouldnt let him rip up the newspaper!
We can have a tantrum if i put his milk in the wrong cup - although its the cup he said he wanted

If i start to help peel his mandarin he goes off and refuses to eat it cause he wanted dh to do it. You get the picture.

Its all day, every day lately and they dont just last 5 minutes, they can go on for 30 mins. Its doing my head in honestly. Some days i just want him to dissappear

Ignoring him doesnt work, distraction doesnt work anymore, explaining why he cant do it - well he doesnt care about that, just mentining what he did wrong makes him want to do it again, i'm embaressed to say that smacking doesnt work

, time out doesnt work - he actually takes himself to the naughty chair.

We have a reward chart for his good behavour and i try to praise him as much as possible for doing nice things like kissing his sister and sharing and good playing etc.

I dont expect him to be good all the time - he is 2 years old. Its just gotten to beyond the point where i feel like i'm losing control of him and i dont know what to do. Its bad when there are days that i dont really like my son, i've never had this with him before. He is constantly being horrible to his sister too, biting her and hitting her and even stomping on her head. I cant take my eye off him for a second when they are in the same room.

He knows what he has done wrong too, if you ask him why mummy put him on the naughty chair he will say ' i bit Evie' or whatever.

I've cut out a heap of 'junky' food from his diet to see if that made a change but not really. I got a bit slack after having dd and would let him have those 'kids yoghurts' full of sugar and juice etc cause it was easier to get him to eat those while i fed dd.

I'm not perfect and i dont expect him to be but we are just not in a happy place right now i guess.

Thanks for letting me vent - any suggestions are more than welcome xx

**Jakabella** · March 6th, 2011, 05:51 AM

Hugs babe.

Bella is getting a bit this way too. And I know I have to try and curb it before the new bub comes. When she is a bad mood and she is being naughty I have found that excersis is the key. So if I know she is playing up I pack her up and take to the park and she runs. Or we go for a walk to the supermarket (well I waddle!) and we take the long way home - she stops and picks flowers and stuff and then runs a bit and just generally gets her energy out.

We are getting a whole heap of play equip today for the backyard - so Im hoping that once bub is here then she will be happy to run around the backyard with the dogs while we watch.

I also find if Bella isnt sleeping well that everything turns into a drama - so I have really been working on her sleep - does Master B sleep well??

Hope it gets better for you hun! I will be watching this thread over the next few days and getting any tips I can too!

Kate xox

**Junglemum** · March 6th, 2011, 05:54 AM

It's a tough age isn't it? Dd2 has been a little terror hurting her sister all the time. I am hoping consistency and time help!

I know some people don't believe in time out, and tbh I'm not sure if it's classed as gentle parenting or not?! Perhaps a new thread. But I have found the book 1-2-3 magic fantastic to get my girls tantrums, whinging and fighting in check. It does use time out though, so if you don't like time out it won't be for you.

**MrsB26** · March 6th, 2011, 06:16 AM

I'm all good with time out Junglemum, i'l def have to check out the 1, 2, 3 book. Thanks for the suggestion.

Kate - thanks also for replying so quickly. Byron sleeps well but i do notice that his behavour does get a bit worse when he is getting towards nap time. I will also admit that i keep him up sometimes upto 30mins past his nap time some days so the 2 of them sleep at the same time cause i really need a break. Sometimes its just not suitable for us to get out to the shops or park with a minutes notice with the 2 of them. I play with him heaps - dd has 3 naps per day and he is up for 2 of them and he gets my undivided attention for the whole time. I hoping its a normal 2 year old thing he is doing?????? Its just not nice whatever it is and i'm willing to try anything so we are all happier.

Thanks Yules - i'm needing all these hug! I dont get on our tramoline very often but i will! Maybe it will help the both of us!

**Yeddi** · March 6th, 2011, 06:29 AM

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say, I don't really believe in the "terrible twos" per se, in that, I don't believe that the defining characteristic of 2 is combativeness and tantrums. I think these things occur when a child reaches a cognitive level where they need very definite boundaries and when these boundaries are fuzzy and loosely defined that is when you will get lots of combativeness and tantrums. Not to say these things wont happen all, but that it shouldn't be the *norm* daily setting.

From what I've read this is ALL about control, as in, he thinks HE is the one in control of you, your husband, his sister and tries to enforce that at every opportunity. I think you need to stop letting him make the little decisions (i.e. what cup, what food to eat, what colour this or that, where and what in general he plays with) and take this control back and only give it him slowly once he is proven he is able to handle it appropriately. For instance, if he's going to make issues over which cup, then he doesn't get to choose the cup - you do. If he doesn't like it, he doesn't get the drink, fine. He doesn't want the mandarine unless daddy peels it, fine, no mandarine. Once he gets older you could give him limited choice, so instead of "what do you want", it's "which one - this one or that one". Of course, as he has had a taste of control, he's not going to like it much when you take it back, so you'll most probably find you have a couple of foul days of readjustment, but after that I think you'll find he will be a lot less combative and you'll have a calmer household.

That being said, for boys especially, but most kids need an opportunity to get messy/be destructive. If you don't provide this in a controlled manner, they'll find a way to do it themselves. Ripping up newspaper into long lengths is actually really good for their fine motor skills, however, you would need to pick the time and place that this "destructiveness" is conducted.

**YoYo** · March 6th, 2011, 06:10 AM

Just want to send hugs. Totally know how you're feeling.

Like jakabella, excersise works wonders here too. If ds is cracking it, I take him outside and kick the ball around. We are going to get ds a trampoline soon too so he can also burn some energy on his own.

Good luck, hope things calm down for you soon.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

**Junglemum** · March 6th, 2011, 06:19 AM

I think it is definitely within the bounds of normal. Dd1 was the same and is a million times better now that she's 3. It will get better! X

**Jakabella** · March 6th, 2011, 06:24 AM

Oh I think its definatly just a normal (how ever normal a 2 yr old is!! LOL) 2 yr old thing. Some days I just think Bella is just learning about being a kid and all the new things she can do and what boundries she can push - not to mention what buttons!

Hugs babe - just know that I am having the same days as you (yesterday was a doozy in the morning!!) so I know where you are at xox

**Jakabella** · March 6th, 2011, 06:26 AM

Yules - we are also getting Bella a tramp soon - as I had a Gf tell me that when her 3 yo cracks it she puts her on the tramp and zips her up and lets her just g nuts for as long as she wants - jumps out the trantrum so to speak - and it works wonders!

**Beautitude** · March 7th, 2011, 02:49 PM

No advice but just wanted you to know your not alone. DS us exactly the same at the moment and boy does it test me some days.

**Arimeh** · March 7th, 2011, 02:58 PM

Yup completely normal to me!!! DD1 is just starting to come out the other side of this (but will still do the cup tantrums - we just give her the option of having it or not having it, and she learnt pretty bloody quickly to suck it up and have it in the original cup colour otherwise no milk!! lol)

Mostly we use distraction here. If she's having a bad one, we'll put on music or something and try to get her dancing. Or we'll put on a funny voice and that sometimes makes her forget what she's tantruming about. Or we'll tickle her... or chase her around the house - anything to get the tanty to stop! We don't smack for tanties here cos I don't think that really helps her learn to control her emotions and thats all a tanty is really, out of control!

Above all, try to keep a sense of humour cos it just makes you feel crappy when you get crappy at them (well it does for me anyway!). Its taken to #2 child for me to learn how to do this even somewhat successfully, but it makes the day much more pleasant

Just don't ask me for advice on tantys by a 15 month old cos thats doing my head in at the moment.. LOL

**~breeze~** · March 7th, 2011, 04:07 PM

hun

I completely understand what you're saying! Tobias has ALOT of tantrums too.... over things like Byron too (if he asks for something out of the fridge & I start to open it for him so he can open it on his own, he'll scream the house down, throw himself to the ground & kick & throw himself around, then wont dare take the food/drink)
Brianna was never like this (that I can remember LOL) but I've heard alot of people talk about the "terrible twos" & the tantrums that go with it, so I'm guessing its normal & hoping it passes soon!

I really feel for you, if you ever need a chat, you know my number xoxo

**Snacks** · March 7th, 2011, 04:54 PM

I think it is very normal, moreso that you have an extra member of the family who is a few months old rather than the 2yo "thing". I think Natalie was just soooooo stroppy that she had a sibling for what felt like absolutely ages. But oh, it really does get better! And it happens gradually so's you don't really notice. They just happen to manage better together and they adjust and all that. We really had some shocking days when P was 4-6 months old: most days in fact. I definitely remember not liking her very much some days

Then the shockers decreased as time went by, and now the shockers are a rarity.
Keep at it! You are doing wonderfully.

**raffy** · March 7th, 2011, 04:59 PM

huge

babe
sorry no advice just more hugs

**~Hestia~** · March 7th, 2011, 04:22 PM

Sorry I have no advice but just wanted to quickly say you have my full sympathy. DS had a tantrum today because he thought I was eating something and he wanted some - I didn't have anything! It's tough

**MrsB26** · March 7th, 2011, 04:29 PM

Thanks so much guys -

Feels better to know i'm not alone.
Dont have time right now to post a biggy but i will later tonight or in the morning. Just wanted to say thanks for the support xxx

**Beautitude** · March 7th, 2011, 05:58 PM

We really had some shocking days when P was 4-6 months old: most days in fact. I definitely remember not liking her very much some days

I have the "I love you but I really don't like you" days. I try to be really level headed about his behavior but some days it all boils over and I don't parent the way I want to parent. Its comforting to know it gets better!

**Nikki87** · March 8th, 2011, 12:57 PM

When you find something that works, please share! My DD is driving me nuts. I agree Beautitude, I dont like the way I parent sometimes but when you get to the end of the your tether it really is just hard. My daughter picks up on this sometimes and says, "you dont like me". I reply with, "I love you but I don't like you when you are naughty"

Whoops