Heather I wonder that too about the milk and have been wanting to reduce her milk but am too scared with her not eating at the moment! She doesn't drink that much milk, maybe 120-150ml in each bottle and its more of a comfort thing, besides she used to eat like a trooper and have her milk! I suppose it can't hurt to try cutting down on the milk though and see if that helps.
I've tried all sorts of distractions and it used to be relatively easy to distract her, especially with singing but lately I can only sing on her terms! If I try singing to distract her from a tantrum then she screams 'no no no no no!!' at me and if I'm holding her she'll hit me as well! The other day I managed to pacify her with the wheels on the bus (one of her favs with all the actions) but I was only allowed to sing about the horn on the bus! So the horn went beep beep beep again and again and again until eventually that just wasn't cutting it either!
Tina maybe your hubby needs to spend a day alone with your litte one!! It does seem totally ridiculous but unfortunately that's what often ends up happening. I'm lucky in the sense that my hubby gets it and agrees that DD is extremely challenging. Fingers crossed that our littles ones settle down soon!
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