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Thread: 2 yr old smacking mum and dad

  1. #1

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    Default 2 yr old smacking mum and dad

    I am so at my wits end with Jordan giving both my husband and myself smacks across the face when he doesnt want to do something.
    We are not parents who really give him a smack, he has had the occasional one on the nappy but never across the face.
    I have tried telling him we dont smack in this house, I have at time smacked his hand to deter it, I have tried time out... nothing is working.



    Has anyone been able to stop this behaviour in their toddler and how did you do it? I am open to any suggestions.

  2. #2

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    I too have a hitter !!! and really dont know what to do myself I too am doing the No stop bit and giving a tap on the hand but it hasn't as yet stopped her... I have a friend who trys to make a game out of it as in before her DS connects to the face she holds up her hand and as he hits it says Hi Five dont know if this work as I have sence move away but you could give it a go.... Best of luck really just wanted to let you know that aren't on your own when it comes to a hitting 2 year old....

  3. #3

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    Sarah does this too. I have grabbed her hands and told her to be gentle, or I wont be gentle and smack her bottom. she still tries it but knows when not to push it. I eel for you hun

  4. #4

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    Are you holding him when he does it? Or are you down on the ground with him? If you're holding him, I'd put him down with a firm no & an explanation, then he must say sorry mummy/daddy. If you're on the floor with him, stand up away from his level & do the same, firm no & explanation. This worked for us when Zander went through a stage of grabbing my glasses, so not the same but similar. Then next time you ask him to do something & he does it without hitting, lots & lots of praise!

  5. #5

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    I need help with this too.
    DS hit me over the head with a drumstick ( a real one..DH is a drummer) on Saturday and on Saturday night he hit my dad with a wooden spoon, on the head.

    I have tried timeout, he thinks its a joke.
    He knows its wrong, as after he hit me with the drumstick he said 'we dont hit people, only drumd' and laughed at me.

    My parents have labelled him feral and want me to take him to a psychologist.

  6. #6

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    My son is doing the same thing but he only hits me. I tried smacking him (on the nappy or lightly on his hand) back but I think it reinforced it. My steps are:

    1) Tried the "No! Don't hit" but it had limited success. He only paid attention when Daddy said No.
    2) If I am holding him, I immediately put him down and step away. He really doesn't like that and tries to get a cuddle. I then tell him not to hit mummy and he usually listens
    3) If I am sitting down, I get up and step away. Same result as above

    I will be interested to see if anybody has any other techniques more effective than mine as it is really frustrating.

  7. #7

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    I think it's normal development. DS now only hits his parents, not other children. And claws my eyes out, he KNOWS they are "poorly". But that's stopping now as we will just literally sit and take it. We don't remind him to be gentle or nice because that only works with other people, not us (even the TV and windows he won't hit, just us). We just take a couple of hits and then tell him we have to do something else and he can play with something else. I see it as a vent for his feelings as he can't communicate in any other way.

    Doing High5s really works well, as does clapping. Giving him his xylophone to hit doesn't work for us. And he knows not to hit with hard toys too, that is a good lesson to learn early on! Making DS go for a run sometimes tires him out so he doesn't hit as well, he needs energy to start hitting and clawing. And I mean we hold both his hands and he has to run to keep up - he loves it (I wouldn't do it otherwise) and it stops him hitting.

  8. #8

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    When DD started doing this at 2 years we would give her time out by explaining what she did hurt and then placed her facing the wall for a minute and then getting her to apologise. She quickly understood that what she had done wasn't going to be tolerated and she refused to apologise for quite a while (so much so that she was nicknamed John Howard for a month or so ).

    Now if she raises a hand we just have to say "do you want to stand in time out?" she will say no and stop what she is doing. She is also good at saying sorry if she accidentally hurts me as well. She has even taken herself to time out when she knows she has done something wrong which is pretty funny .

  9. #9

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    I agree with the girls who have said to say 'no hitting' and to stand up and move away. It is a normal behaviour at this age since he probably doen't have the language to say what he wants, or wants attention and knows that this will get him some. Even though it's negative.
    So by telling him in a short, sharp command 'Stop, don't hit mummy' in a firm, deep voice, looking at his face and then stepping away from him, or moving him away from you and don't look directly at him, should show him he won't get attention for it. Then try to get him to say sorry (he may be a bit young), or show him what gentle is (pat his face/ pat your face with his hand etc...) and tell him again 'No hitting, it hurts- ouch!! Gentle.'
    Good luck toddlers can be stubburn little things!!

  10. #10

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    When Natty hits me I make sure I hold her hand and look into her eyes with my 'cross' face and say, 'Don't hit Mummy'. I wait for it to sink in - there are usually tears. After a few seconds we have a cuddle. I *think* this is working, but she is still very young and gets pretty upset when I'm cross with her. But I think eye contact is very important, and that sort of communication is often more effective than verbal IMO. GL with it.

  11. #11

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    we tell sophie that we dont hit in this house, she hurt mum/dad and you need to say sorry, she kisses us straight away, she get told if she does it again she will sit on the floor by herself (mini time out)

  12. #12

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    Thank heavens other peoples 2 yr olds are doing this too! Riley hits me when he is cranky and I have just been saying "no hitting" and trying to get him to apologise. He hits DD2 the most and I have been getting quite angry with him about that.

  13. #13

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    OMG wow I feel so much better knowing that Jordan just isnt a feral but that its quite normal for his age.
    TOnight we did time out in the corner of the hallway and that seemed to work.
    I will def try the firm words "NO we dont hit" which I have been doing but maybe coupled with time out he might get the message.
    I hope he grows out of this phase soon, its awful.

  14. #14

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    Tracey- Hun I think it comes with the age... DD is horrible for this and laughs at you when you tell her no and that its not nice.

    I am so over it and will be doing some things suggested in this thread.

  15. #15

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    I agree with the firm, "No don't hit" coupled with moving away from your little one. imo I wouldn't smack back as I agree that that would confuse and reinforce the hitting thing. When DD#2 hits our face (she is only 1 atm) I say,"No, we don't hit" than I take her hand and say, "Softly" as I gently stroke my face with her hand. It's on the way DD#2 also recently went through a biting phase.....yeowch!! And after moving away from her and saying firmly, "No don't bite" consistently, she has actually passed through that stage! *phew*

  16. #16

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    I too agree with the stand up and move away, maybe explain to them that it hurts your feelings.

    I think this is really one situation where smacking them or hitting them back doesnt work because your saying dont hit its not nice and then you hit them back.
    My DD sometimes hits me (not all the time, its an occasional thing) but i tell her straight away that you never ever hit anyone and when she hits me it hurts my feeling (sometimes with a fake cry) and i seem to get the sympathy and 'im sorry mummy'
    As much as i just wanna smack her back sometimes so she knows how it feels its def in my opinion the wrong way to go.

    Good luck to all you mums, i hope they stop hitting soon.

  17. #17

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    Hi, i also have a hitter. he is almost 22mnths, also thinks its hilarious ,. but i say no, and he laughs. i am hoping he grows out of it soon, as it is getting hard when we go to places etc.. wow i hope its a phase

  18. #18

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    Hi. Seems like things are a bit tough. I can see that you have a new baby in the house. It may be that he is lashing out at feeling like he is losing his place. As a thought it may be worthwhile giving him a little present from the new baby. You could also try building in a family story time when you're feeding. Another idea might be to give him some of his own special time. Also if he seems to be getting a little restless or agitated it might be worthwhile instituting a little diversional therapy. A little drawing perhaps?? That might also help him with giving him an outlet for his emotions. I don't know.... I think that smacking him might not be the best idea. Okay in getting a response however you may find that it makes the situation worse by his modeling his behaviour on being smacked etc etc. Good to hear the timeout is working. Keep persisting with this I would say. It might help with giving him some boundaries. It seems like he might be coping with a bit of change at the moment. Congratulations on your beautiful family.

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