4YO Talking about "it"

[Cupcake]

I wasnt sure if i was allowed to put "sex" in the title; i really dont know if im posting in the correct place either mods, SORRY!!

So my DSD's mother has informed us that DSD has become obsessed with talking about sex, she's never done it at our house but apparently shes flashing people her undies too...just wondering if anyone has any advice on how to tackle this issue and if anyone else's child has gone through this phase...where could she be getting this information from? Its certainly is not DP or myself!!

[JLeigh29]

Hey Amy! We did a professional development at work a while back when prep just came in and they said that kind of behaviour (the talk and 'flashing') is normal in 4-6 year olds. We often get chn on playground duty who have been flashing and chatting about private parts etc! We tell the chn that those parts are private and shouldn't be shown in public and that what they're discussing is something private too and maybe ask Mummy or Daddy their questions at home - that last one won't help you tho, will it!!
I wouldn't be too worried unless you have reason to suspect something.

[SophieRose]

The same thing is happening with my three and a half yr old DSD! Her mother rang Dp up yelling at him and accusing us of DTD in front of her daughter!!

Apparently DSD and a little boy friend of hers have been laying on eachother pretending to be DTD. And She's been talking about it and stuff.
So of course it's automatically us. (Dp's ex is a little cuckoo, anything that DSD might be doing that she shouldn't, she automatically assumes it's us, and rings yelling and screaming at us without even asking us if it's true or not)

But as far as i know, this sort of thing is normal in kids around that age. I remember being the same and asking a heap of questions and talking about it constantly.
Kids get this sort of information from other children. There's not exactly anything you can do about it.
I'm not entirely sure how i would go about explaining it to her. I guess the "when a mummy and a daddy love eachother very much they...." etc etc would be good for this one.
Just remember that once your DD finds out anything new, she'll probably tell everyfriend she has. So possibly warn other parents that their kids might start this as well. That was probably how she found out about it in the first place.

Good luck hey. Hope it all works out for you guys.

[aussienic]

My kids talk about it.. Depending on the ages we tell them sme things and others we say there is no need for you to know those things right now

We answer as many questions they have and tell them right up what is appropriate and whats not and tell them why it isn't'

I believe you need to make it out there otherwise they will develop an unhealthy attitude towards it and not just sex but body parts and thier functions kwim?

like I said before it depends on thier age and what thier maturity is like (some 4 yr old are more mature kwim?

Maybe sit her down and ask her if she has any questions and try answer them as easily as possible and then explain why it is not appropriate to be flashing undies and talking about sex. Explain it is a private thing between 2 grownups and not acceptable for children of her age to be talking or acting it out

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Liebling was playing with a little girl his age recently. She had told him to lie down on the "bed" (a big cushion) and then started pulling her dress up to show her knickers! I was a bit weirded out by that one.

I think it was more of a case that she was just proud to have been toilet trained recently. But information can come from friends, siblings, school, nursery, other parents (ie a friend has a pregnant parent and the child asks the parent why they're so fat...). Depends on EVERYONE ELSE'S comfort zone, not your own unfortunately.

[{sarah}]

Ok well I'm going to put this out there.... Talking about private parts & what they have learnt about sex is normal. Flashing their underwear to show off a picture or whatever is normal too. However, a four year old doesn't just learn about climbing on top of another person from nowhere. I would be questioning where she saw that sort of thing.....

My son is four & he knows that babies are in the mummy's tummy & they come out the vagina, but sometimes mummy has to have a cut on her tummy if baby is stuck. He hasn't asked any further, he's just not interested.

[aussienic]

Sarah: I think it depends on if the child has older siblings r older children they hang out with. We had to have a second talk with out eldest as he thought it ok to tell our 5 yr old a few things. So we sat him back down and said um no.. Thats our job to say it

[Cupcake]

thanks so much! Shes not climbing ontop on boys but im glad shes not the only one! So many helpful hints!

Ahh i love this site!

[SamiH]

Ok well I'm going to put this out there.... Talking about private parts & what they have learnt about sex is normal. Flashing their underwear to show off a picture or whatever is normal too. However, a four year old doesn't just learn about climbing on top of another person from nowhere. I would be questioning where she saw that sort of thing.....

.

I was just about to post the same reply - the climbing on top of another child is not normal sexuality for this age, and they would have had to see this behaviour somewhere (TV??). Our local ABA group has just had a community educator out to talk about this topic at a meeting a couple of months ago!

[Charlyfrog]

*relieved sigh* I've noticed my 4yo becoming aware of her vagina, talking about boyfriend's (lol) etc so we are in a new phase. I'd have to agree with Sarah though about a child laying on another.....although it could be as simple as a TV ad even before 7pm!!!!! (grrr) I haven't felt the need to have the sex talk with my 4yo but we are prepared just to give her the facts if she does enquire - facts that our 4yo could digest as it'd be different for each 4yo. I don't want to make a big deal of something as she (my DD) is just 4 - it's not like she is having sexual thoughts, she wouldn't even know what they were It's that fine line of being honest but not making it such a big deal that it inflames the situation, if that makes sense?

[Cupcake]

I must say i was relieved to hear its normal hehe, but yeah she isnt climbing ontop of boys just flashing her undies and talking about it a lot (from what ive heard; still yet to do it at our house)

Again thanks so much for all your replies!!

[Rouge]

One thing a psych once told me, if YOU feel its not normal, no matter what it is in most cases it isn't. I would also consider climbing on top of another child abnormal even older IMO its not ok, and children should be explained that this type of imitation is inappropriate. I have a 7 y.o. who has been around LOTS of older kids and has never done anything like this. We have had extensive talks to her about her body and other peoples bodies etc. When it comes to sex she has asked us if it was kissing naked, to which I said no. And she has told me what other people at school have thought sex was and I have explained to her that next year there will be a special class at school to teach her all about sex. And she is fine with that. I don't want to mess up the information she is given as the people who are teaching her next year are child psychologists specialising in appropriate sexual education for children (at different age groups). I plan to be very open with her but I have seen the damage of too much information, and the damage of parents thinking some things are normal.

[Mrs Jak]

I agree with Charlyfrog about kids seeing things on TV they probably shouldn't, even before 7pm!!

Ammaki, IMO it does seem a little young to be obsessed with talking about sex?? I'm just going by my experience of my DD, who is nearly 5. She's never said the word or asked about it, but kids are all different I guess.

[Cupcake]

Thanks MrsJak; we are still yet to catch her out lol. But next visit to our house i'll definately be asking some questions and just having a chat with her!!