My sympathies, M2SCs. It sounds like you've reached the end of your tether with this. as they say with a lot of the parenting choices that we make, it isn't a problem unless it's a problem. Sounds like it's becoming a problem for you now.

I guess it depends on what you mean by a routine... a set of scheduled hours when you put her down and expect her to sleep? A bed-time routine which lets her know that bedtime is coming and gives her time to wind down? Or both? Or do you really just want her to be able to stay asleep when you move away from her in the night time? Regain some time for yourself in the evening perhaps?

There are heaps of internet resources on the former - we do nappy change, into a sleeping bag, bedtime song, boobfeed then bottle top-up, then into the cot with his dummy (for which he's decided he prefers an empty bottle with teat, to a dummy, as such!) when he's content and not sucking from hunger any more.

If it's the latter, maybe try slowly moving away from her, bit by bit, all the while talking quietly to her, or repeating 'sh...sh...', even if she's apparently sleeping soundly. Some part of her is aware of your presence, obviously, or she wouldn't wake when you leave, and if you can reassure that part that you're still there, with your quiet, soothing voice, it might help her to keep sleeping, knowing you're not far away. You could 'practise' this during the day, until she is happy to sleep with you, for example sitting on a chair in the room, and then go on from there, ie, leave the room entirely, popping back every few minutes to say 'sh...' for a few seconds, then space out the popping back, then start to do the same in the evenings.

I know you said you're ok with the current arrangements for daytime, but it's a lot easier to instigate these kind of changes when YOU are feeling positive, not overtired yourself, and have the energy to think straight.

Our bubs are around the age that they typically develop separation anxiety, too, I was reading the other day, and one of the suggestions from that site was along these lines - ie, reassuring them that you exist even if you are out of touching distance or out of sight.

I know that my DS slept much better in his cradle in the corner than he did next to me in bed, and so do I, though we moved to the cot in his own room last week, and that's taking some getting use to. Not that he's perfect, by any means - he was still up between 2 and 5 times a night - but he is generally very easy to settle in the middle of the night, which means that I can stay half asleep during a feed, put him down, and go straight back to bed and back to sleep myself. It's the staying awake trying to settle him, then lying awake anticipating the next cry that knocks me for six in the morning.

I'm sure there are plenty of other ideas from more experienced mamas, too. Good luck