Advice from 2nd time mums please...

[bertie]

Hi All,

I've got an almost 2 year old (ds) and have just had a BFP. Not a total surprise, as we were kindof 'seeing what happens', and we'd always planned on having a number 2 - I know ds will just love having a little sister/brother.

So why don't I feel overjoyed?? I actually feel quite scared that this is going to upset the equilibrium of our happy little threesome. DS has been the most perfect baby - slept through from 6 weeks, has a lovely character, happy all the time and usually good (although I can tell the terrible twos are hitting...) So I guess I'm worried that the 2nd baby won't be quite so perfect... and at the moment I can't imagine loving anything as much as DS.

I know that sounds really shallow - I was hoping to hear from some other 2nd time mums who are either feeling like this themselves, or felt like this at the time and can tell me what it's like when bubs 2 finally arrives!!

Thanks,
Bertie

[Phteven]

Congratulations on your BFP.

I can remember having all sorts of concerns when I was pregnant with Imran.
Will I love him as much as I love Yasin?
What if Yasin feels rejected?
Is it mean of me, Yasin has always been number 1 won't he hate having a rival?

Once Imran arrived I discovered that love multiplies it doesn't divide. I loved him just as much as Yasin and far from doing Yasin a diservice I gave him a gift. Now Imran is more grown up and he is Yasin's number one fan. He's crazy about Yasin, if Yasin throws his drink on the floor Imran throws his drink on the floor(you can imagine the joy that gives me lol). Yasin loves Imran right back, he's the first to comfort him if he cries and insists on sharing his food with Imran even when Imran wants nothing top do with it.

TBH it's not twice as hard with 2 it's at leat 3 times as hard but it's so rewarding when you see your babies give each other a cuddle and watch them playing and laughing together.

There are 2 articles on the main site you might find usefull
Falling In Love Again
Bringing A Baby Home - Second (or Third or More!) Time Around

[christy]

TBH it's not twice as hard with 2 it's at leat 3 times as hard but it's so rewarding when you see your babies give each other a cuddle and watch them playing and laughing together.

Ditto, Ditto, Ditto.

When I got pregnant I had all sorts of worries. Our DD1 was/is a handful, heaps of sleep issues and behaviour problems. I was also worried that I would be so caught up with her that I wouldn't have time for the baby.

When Jovie first came, I couldn't spend as much time with her. She was often left in the rocker or hammock while I dealt with what Matilda was doing, but now as she's older I seem to be able to spend time daily with both of them. Its beautiful seeing the two of them in the bath giggling together... sometimes DH & I look at each other & say "we are in soooo much trouble!"

[Tobily]

I agree with the other ladies especially what Dach said about "love multiplies, it doesn't divide" - it's so very true. You just keep making more love for each child.

I also agree that somehow two is three times harder, it was very much so for me. I had a very easy first child and the second one, while not difficult, has a more demanding personality and also had some pretty major sleep issues for a while so I did find the adjustment harder than I initially expected to.

But things have a way of working themselves out and I cope just fine now - even though for his first three months I wondered daily what the hell we'd done. I loved him of course, but I did struggle with the day to day stuff.

Yesterday my two were lying on the floor together and Toby snuggled into Emily's neck and gave her a cuddle. She patted him on the back and said "I love you too Toby"....it's moments like that when you realise what a gift you've given your older child in their sibling

Congrats on the bfp too!

[{sarah}]

Bertie, I'm pregnant with an IVF baby, so very much planned for & I still have those concerns! Zander has been a handful since birth, so I worry about having two handfuls LOL or that the new bubba will be so easy going it's left behind whilst looking after the crazy big brother! I figure that it'll work out. So so many people have 2 + children and it always seems to turn out alright in the end.

[DoubleK]

Congrats on your BFP!

i have similar thoughts when i think about having a second bub, i always wonder if i'll be able to cope.. Krystal was an angel baby (and still is!) i can take her anywhere, do anything with her.. i stress that i wont be able to do simple things like the supermarket shopping or quickly running into a shop with krystal on my hip etc.. but i also think of things like watching her play with the bub, she loves her 'baby' and loves to dress/feed/put her to sleep, so i think ill have a great helper, i will try to involve her as much as possible.
i also have a great support network (my SIL often takes krystal for the day, to give me some time to get some extra things done, krystal runs out the door to go with her aunty Kylie!) so i figure that will help when the time comes for baby number 2 to come into our lives!

i hope everything works out for you!