thread: Can't stand the smacking anymore, how do I stop it?

  1. #1
    Registered User

    Feb 2004
    Melbourne
    11,171

    Can't stand the smacking anymore, how do I stop it?

    Does anyone have any ideas how on earth I can get Juliette to stop smacking? She does it when she's frustrated or cranky, but sometimes I think she just does it for a reaction. I've tried everything I can think of... I have ignored it but she keeps going if she's in a tantrum. I have made her sit down for a minute, put her in her cot for a minute. Held her hands, now she tries to kick or head butt when I do that. I even resorted to tapping her hand back (which I'm not happy about, I smacked her to teach her not to smack, really smart ). That got the response of her walking around smacking her own hand really hard for the next half an hour I've yelled, I've calmly explained, I've done everything I know but still she keeps doing it. I have found though that it's only ever me or Zander, I haven't picked up on her smacking anyone else yet.

    HELP!

  2. #2
    Registered User

    Dec 2005
    5,951

    I had this happening with Emily for about 6 or so months. It's only stopped in the last month. I, like you, tried EVERYTHING! She would even walk around smacking her own hand LOL. No advice really, because I'm not really sure why she stopped, but I have ignored it for a while now. Good luck with it.

  3. #3
    Registered User
    Add Kazbah on Facebook Follow Kazbah On Twitter

    Sep 2006
    Dandy Ranges ;)
    7,526

    We found the best way to get Pip to stop biting other kids was to draw something up on the whiteboard at the start of each day, eg a picture of a train. And if it was still there when I got home from work / we picked him up from CC, he'd be allowed to play with trains that night. So sorta reverse star chart IYKWIM? Not taking something off him per se, but taking away something he wanted and could visualise ...

    good luck
    kaz

  4. #4
    Registered User

    Oct 2003
    Forestville NSW
    8,944

    DD2 is 3 and went through a stage of smacking over the last year. When she smacked me I would say "Ouch J! That really hurt!, please do not smack" If she did it again, I would make her sit down for a minute or 30 seconds or so, and say "If you need to smack, you need to stay away from everyone until you can stop".

    Unfortunately, we have her older sister over the past year lose it heaps and hit, bite and scratch us so much that DD2 has learnt it from her as a manner of releasing frustration. I have found the "sit down" or you will have to go to your room until you can stop hitting us approach the best one for us.

  5. #5
    Registered User

    Jan 2006
    8,369

    Amazingly, I have found something that worked for us.

    I just told ds "that's not nice." I also point out that he's a nice boy and I don't play with people who aren't nice.

    Tonight, I was playing with DS and did a little play-nibble on his tummy. "No, mammy, not nice." He kept on with "not nice" a few times until I apologised. HE then goes on that he doesn't like not-nice and that we should play nice and not bite.

    OK, clearly the lectures get through somewhere!

  6. #6
    Registered User

    Feb 2004
    Melbourne
    11,171

    Christy that was the main approach we've tried & she just rolls around on the floor until she can get up & then half the time she'll look right at me, smile & do it again. Arrrrgh! Boundary testing I know, but gosh it's frustrating.

  7. #7
    Administrator
    Add Rouge on Facebook

    Jun 2003
    Ubiquity
    9,922

    You're not going to like my suggestion

    Don't get annoyed. I know I know but I swear she knows she's going to get a rise out of you and that is part of the attraction. The other part is normal toddler stuff.

    Has she gone to smack and stopped herself? Or has she listened when you have said no? And if so did you make a song and dance about it? I would keep going with positive reinforcement and general boundary setting and try as hard as it is to stay calm

  8. #8
    Registered User

    Feb 2004
    Melbourne
    11,171

    She has stopped herself once or twice when I've said no. Ok so today's project is not to get cranky over it, stay calm & reinforce when she doesn't. It's just really hard not to get cranky because she has hurt Zander a few times smacking him on the head / face.

  9. #9
    Administrator
    Add Rouge on Facebook

    Jun 2003
    Ubiquity
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    Yeah it is, DS used to do the same to DD. The other thing that was hard was teaching a 4 y.o. not to overreact too. Goodluck Do you get her to give Z a hug to say sorry?

  10. #10
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber & MPM

    Feb 2007
    Melbourne
    5,462

    DS2 went through a smacking phase too, it must be an age thing. I didn't make a big deal about it, it was attention seeking and he wanted to see a reaction from me. I would ignore it if it was just once (I wouldn't pull an upset face or look at him), but if he kept at it I would say firmly "No smacking" and if he did again he would have to sit in the corner for a minute. If he hit his brother he would get a warning and then would go and sit in the corner if he did it again. It's not fair that his brother was getting whacked over the head and I felt this needed to be addressed because DS1 couldn't use my technique. DS2 would have to apologise to his brother after sitting in the corner (although DS1 didn't really appreciate it LOL).

    He stopped doing it eventually, although he goes through phases where he tries it again. I just keep doing what I did previously with him and he stops doing it pretty quickly!

    I hope you find a trick that works soon

  11. #11
    BellyBelly Member

    Oct 2008
    3,132

    My DS hits in frustration - he also throws quite bad tantrums and will throw his head around. In the last couple of weeks we have tried grabbing his hand and walking him around the house and we say 'Walk it off'. It is working for tantrums and hitting. We just keep him moving until he is calm. It is a great strategy because it is also teaching him an appropriate to deal with his frustration.

    It works well with my DS but every kid is different but it might be worth a go with your DD. Good luck

  12. #12
    Registered User

    Apr 2007
    Sydney, NSW
    4,329

    we're facing the same thing now, Lakshman just pinches. We did all the things you did Sarah, still no win..