Babies and Funerals

[Lolli]

Hi all,
I thought I'd put this out for opinions...
Dh's nan passed away on the weekend. The funeral is tomorrow. I don't really think babies should be at funerals... they don't understand what's going on, just that everyone is upset. If it's a sibling or a parent, obviously that's a different matter, but in general I don't think it's worth taking them.
But dh is adamant that ds should go. He says it will 'hold the family together' and give him 'strength'. Personally, I think that's a bit selfish. But dh is putting his foot down and if I try to put mine down on top I will probably lose (I usually do- his feet are bigger than mine) and it will cause a major argument.
So what's the general consensus- babies at funerals, or not?

[Madham]

It really is a personal choice. My nan passed away in January and both my sisters had baby's a 6 month old and a 3 month old who came to the funeral. Also my sil took her 8 month old and 18month old sons aswell. The church had a room for children and a few toys etc so my sil mum was on hand if any children needed to be taken out of the service. This worked well for my family as my mum also wanted the grandchildren to attend.

[Muppity]

I think that a little reminder that life goes on isn't a bad thing to have at such occasions.

Having a bub there may be a welcome distraction to people.

[squidipa]

I think that a little reminder that life goes on isn't a bad thing to have at such occasions.

Having a bub there may be a welcome distraction to people.

i agree the best thing is even tho ppl are upset babies seem to lighten the moment and bring happiness to such a sad time.

[Indadhanu]

I took DD to my granddads funeral, she was 1 week at the time. I didnt even think twice to be honest... I never thought I shouldn't take her.

I guess even for older babies like your DS I would take them, but then I am not one to encourage the hiding of emotions. And TBH if your DH wants your son to be there, if thats important to him, I would take him... It was important for me to have Jazz, to hold her, to remind me of life, and whats important, and to never take any second for granted. I wanted to be with my family at that time, and would have been very angry had someone suggested that I shouldnt be with ALL my family.

JMO anyway.

[briggsy's girl]

When DH's brother passed away, my own brother's youngest was about 9 months old - my DH requested that our neice be there as it helped to embrace life as well as mourning the loss of his brother. there were other children there as they were very close to DH's brother, and for them, it was good to see us grieve, but also good to have the baby there to help see that life is still beautiful.

i have no issue unless you have a child that is unable to understand the concept at all - a baby is fine and if your DH feels he will manage better having his family near him, i agree it's a good thing to do

i guess you just need to remind him that if bub's plays up, you'll walk outside, which means not only will he not have the baby there, he'll not have you, and will he be ok with that

[Pretty Butterfly]

I went to a funeral when Kane was 11 months old, without him.
My sister took her DD, same age.

Her DD cried and carried on the whole time, and was passed around to a bunch of strangers to cheer them up.

My sister missed most of funeral looking after her. It was a long funeral, and was stressful for both of them.

So In my humble opinion, no, your DS's "job" isn't to be a comfort, and you cant be there for your DH if Ds is playing up, or your stressing about him being passed around like a rag doll. I wouldn't put my DS in that situation, just to please the mourners. I think it is selfish for anyone to suggest he should be put through all that, just to keep them a bit happier.


At 10 months old it will be very hard to keep him entertained. Little Bubbas dont understand, and big kids do. To me, your DS is in the age group where niether you or he will benefit.

Just my thoughts babe, good luck....

[Smoz]

im a definately not, if its the childs parent or direct sibling then thats different, but anything more distant even a nan i say NO. that is really selfish of your DH to use him like that. Babies can really sense peoples emotions and he will be able to feel that everyone is upset and will just spend the whole time crying and being restless and then all your attention will be on tring to soothe DS and therefore unable to support you DH. Try talking to dh again and explaining this. If dh is going to cry he's going to cry and the fact that ds is there or not isn't going to make a differance. Maybe you could go to the funeral and have someone bring him to the wake, cuz i can understand dh wanting him there as a distraction for people to focus their energy on but i wouldn't be taking him to the actual funeral as it will just put more stress on you and the family.

[Liz]

I already answered in our buddies thread. But yeah, I'm fine with babies at funerals. Neither of my kids picked up on the sadness when we went, and babies can be a great comfort to the grieving. I think if your DH feels he needs his whole family with him, it's only natural, and I don't see anything wrong with it.

I'm always mindful that if they're making noise I step outside. But other than that, I think it's fine to take them to funerals.

[Esme]

I already answered in our buddies thread. But yeah, I'm fine with babies at funerals. Neither of my kids picked up on the sadness when we went, and babies can be a great comfort to the grieving. I think if your DH feels he needs his whole family with him, it's only natural, and I don't see anything wrong with it.

I'm always mindful that if they're making noise I step outside. But other than that, I think it's fine to take them to funerals.

I understand where you are coming from but I also agree with Liz. We went to DP's uncles funeral yesterday and DP liked both of us to be there whereas I had my concerns. So we decided to make sure DS had his morning sleep (this made me and DS miss most of the requiem mass while DP went by himself), but we came out after and went to the cemetery and the wake together. I agree with Liz; DS wasn't affected by the sadness and he was a comfort to the grieving. HTH