Baby crying

[Barb Glare]

Hi,

The first 6 weeks with a baby are VERY tough going. It is so hard to read their signals (they are telling us what they want - it's just that we speak a different language!) We can learn their language. The fabulous thing is they love us and forgive us when we make mistakes!
Babies are born to be with their mother. There is really no such thing as a baby. There is a baby and another (usually the mother) a baby alone would not last. Our body is their environment. We feed them, we keep them company, we keep them warm. Our breathing regulates their breathing, our heartbeat regulates theirs. Their crying is designed to cut through a mother's nerves - it is a signal to go to them, to comfort them and help them sort out the problems they have. The first task of a baby is to learn trust. It's kind of exhausting and repetitive for mummies. They cry.....we come, they cry we come....they cry we come. Through doing this they learn that they are not alone in their world. They learn they are loved and lovable. And they learn they can feel secure and trust their environment. And when they can do that, they learn to be more independant. So independance doesn't come from being forced to do it alone, or do it the hard way, it comes from being loved and secure.
Over time you will learn the difference between a whingy sort of a cry that means "I'm tired, leave me a lone, or help me go to sleep" Or a cry that is just going to escalate and become more hysterical and leave him redfaced and gasping and your nerves ragged and on edge. You will learn whether going in and patting or soothing or cuddling will get him back to sleep, or whether it would be just better to let him toss and turn for a little while or even have a little cry, and he'll go back to sleep. Sometimes you will need to try it both ways for a number of days before you can evaluate what worked best. And then you will find that what works in the morning doesn't work in the afternoon, and what worked in the afternoon today doesn't work tomorrow. You will learn when to help them sleep so that they don't get overtired and overstimulated. You might find that talks through your local Australian Breastfeeding Association or Child Health service will help.
I must respectfully disagree that it's just a matter of choice whether to leave your child to cry it out or not. It is fairly well researched that sensitive and attuned parenting allows a child to grow and develop to it's full potential.
On the other hand, if you are well "over it" as any parent will be from time to time, when you haven't got any resources left to help your baby, it is safe to leave him securely in his cot and go outside into the fresh air and leave him to have a bit of a cry. He'll get over it. You'll be a better mum for the break.
Good on your for the work you are doing being a great mum to your little one
Warm Regards
Barb

[nikbrad]

Well said Barb, this is what I was trying to say in a round about way.

[lan]

As Jason is now 7 weeks, i'm getting familier with his crying tone...most of the time i'd prefer to pick him up and settle him, but other times i feel the need to let him cry for at least 10minutes consistently...as that seem like the only way to get him tied and go to sleep. Most of the time, my husband will leave him crying for over half an hour consistently. But now thanks to all your advice, i have persuaded my husband to let him cry for a max of 10 minutes only and then settle him. I have tried CC however i find it doesn't work for me at all, as everytime i walk in to calm my baby and walk out again, he'll start screaming and crying twice as much instead of calming down..so i'd prefer not to use that tactic. I have also tried giving him the dummy, but he just doesn't like it and will spit it out as soon as i put it in his mouth. Thanks for the great advice Barb, it is really helpful as i'm able to be more familiarise with babies feelings. I guess i'll just do what is suited for me and my baby most and ignore the conflict advices about letting my baby cry to sleep or to an extended time.