thank you mummynaomi you have hit the nail on the head.... that is the EXACT situation, the babysitting is to make HER happy, not to help us out, or be convenient to us, or to spend time with our kids.... its more so she can have bragging rights to everyone she knows that she babysat our newborn... our 3 year old barely gets noticed.
if she actually wanted to spend time with us and our kids we might get a dinner invitation once in a while (in all the years we have only ever had ONE!), or she could come over and stay for longer than 5 minutes (no exageration)... there are lots of things she could do as a grandma to be more involved and i don't think it should be my job to ensure she has time to see the grandkids... she either makes time in her busy life or she misses out.... we have had them over for lots of bbq's and dinners etc, i feel we are doing 'our bit'... the reason my mum sees the grandkids more is because i am closer to her (not geographically, the in laws are 2 minutes away!!) but she also she has a genuine desire to help out, and makes time to make the grandkids a priority....
anyways i think i just needed to hear that its not my job to make someone happy by loaning my kids out...
I know the feeling. Maybe though she wants to feel that she has at leadt been considered to babysit. Have you tried asking her to babysit at a time that you know she will be very unavailable to do so and just pretend that you "'forgot" about her prior engagement? That way you asked and she can't complain that she never gets to look after them because you can just say well I did ask but you refused. I agree with you though. If you are not comfortable with her looking after them, then she shouldn't look after them. It's not worth the time spent worrying about them when they are with her, and children are not playthings to be lent out to make someone happy.
I have the same thing with my MIL. Luckily she lives in Toowomba and I am in Canberra, so it is easy to make excuses when we do see her.
In our situation, I know the kids would be safe (she is always looking after all of my neices and nefews - there are alot of them), but I feel really uncomfortable with her parenting methods and the way she interacts with kids. It is not something I can really describe, but I just cannot feel comfortable with her looking after my kids, until they are a certain size/age and have more independance.
I have discussed it with DH, and although he would likely leave our kids with her without even thinking about it (he is used to her parenting, afterall it is his mum), he certainly understands what I mean and why I would feel uncomfortable, and so we have agreed not to let her babysit until the kids are older.
I think talking it out with the father is important, because these are his parents afterall.
Your, your child's mum....you have a right to say were your child goes and get that you must be frustrated with all the attention.
On the other hand....Id be pretty darn stoked if my MIL would be like that, let alone my mum. Thank your stars you have people who love you children and want to be in your childs life and want to help you.....you can always send her my way
its not genuine though... she talks alot about wanting them but then is never available... she was meant to look after them today and never did, never called or anything.... its all for show.... alot of talking the talk but not walking the walk, if that makes sense... anyways i'll work through it and get over it... i have way bigger things to worry about at the moment yet this plagues me.
that just emotional black mail...she doesnt say it to DD at all and doesnt follow through? thats just plain horrible why go to all that effort and not do it? man
Please dont send her my way now.....I dont think I need to replace my kicking post yet
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why go to all that effort and not do it? man 
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