thank you mummynaomi you have hit the nail on the head.... that is the EXACT situation, the babysitting is to make HER happy, not to help us out, or be convenient to us, or to spend time with our kids.... its more so she can have bragging rights to everyone she knows that she babysat our newborn... our 3 year old barely gets noticed.
if she actually wanted to spend time with us and our kids we might get a dinner invitation once in a while (in all the years we have only ever had ONE!), or she could come over and stay for longer than 5 minutes (no exageration)... there are lots of things she could do as a grandma to be more involved and i don't think it should be my job to ensure she has time to see the grandkids... she either makes time in her busy life or she misses out.... we have had them over for lots of bbq's and dinners etc, i feel we are doing 'our bit'... the reason my mum sees the grandkids more is because i am closer to her (not geographically, the in laws are 2 minutes away!!) but she also she has a genuine desire to help out, and makes time to make the grandkids a priority....
anyways i think i just needed to hear that its not my job to make someone happy by loaning my kids out...