Good parts:
+Gazing at your new bub thinking "OMG we made that!"
+Watching them sleep is mesmerising
+Their little smiles
+They only have eyes for you
+Tiny little hands and feet
+Seeing how much they change every day
How to make it easier?
+Thinking of all the good things
+It is hard to believe in the beginning, but the sleep deprivation doesn't last forever.
+What got me through the lack of sleep was I convinced myself that I will need to get up a multitude of times during the night. Somehow setting myself that expectation made it easier to deal with.
+Forget the housework for awhile, it's not important in the big scheme of things.
How to enjoy it with your partner?
+Talk, talk, talk, keep communicating with each other
+Ask him for help when you need it, even if it is just getting you a drink of water
+Marvel at the miracle you both created together
I'm still in the early stages but I have one piece of advice...
If your partner or someone else says "I'll do this, you go sit down/have a nap/relax" for goodness sake DO IT! DON'T try to be the hero supermum, you just carried a baby for 9 months, relax a bit! If bub is crying at night, and you've just fed him/her and your partner says "here, I'll try to settle him/her" for goodness sake LET THEM!
(because the helpfullness doesn't last forever )
I think maybe right now is a good time to talk about roles and expectations... I think you'll probably find you both have different expectations of each other, what you expect each other to do etc. Talking now would be better than snapping at each other for not doing this and that when you're both exhausted.
Thats all the advice I have, because I'm still living it myself.
We didn't get home from hossy until day 6. My son got an infection on day 1 and went to special care. We had some very stressful moments at hossy but things started to fall into place when we got home because I was back in control of my life.
I never got sleep deprived. Not everyone does. I was getting up twice a night and expressing as well as doing formula top ups (so took longer than just breastfeeding alone) yet I still only felt as tired as I did while I was pregnant. I found it managable. He's sleeping through the night now and I'm catching up on sleep.
I was shocked by the lack of crying. My son would wake up and whimper rather than cry. I'd get up and tend to him before he cried. He cries a little more now (he's 3 months) but still it's nothing like I'd imagined it would be. He has been a windy and chucky baby but he still doesn't cry much compared to what I expected.
Watching him sleep was one of my favorite passtimes. So sweet and innocent.
Looking at him, marvelling that DF & I created him is priceless.
I loved studying his face and trying to work out who he looked like.
Trying to work out if he's actually smiling or is he about to chuck is great fun. Realising he didn't chuck and he really did smile is a great feeling.
Trying out all the pretty clothes that you've collected and been given is fun.
Make sure you say yes to all offers of help around the house. If you end up bottle feeding and grandma wants to do it (or change a nappy) hand bubs over. It gives you a little rest.
All in all I've found it far easier than I expected to. I did have problems with breastfeeding that I never imagined I'd have but apart from that everything else was nowhere near as hard as I imagined it.
ps I noticed you are doing a lot of reading. A piece of advice, don't do what I did and read up on pregnancy & newborn care and neglect reading up on labour. I did read about it, but not enough (I didn't realise this til after the birth of course), in particular I wish I'd read more about second stage. All the newborn stuff you will learn as you go, and you get lots of advice on things from the midwives and your health nurse will provide you with heaps of info too.
The best advice I can give you right now is STOP READING and just get out there and enjoy yourself!
Pop into your local ABA meeting, there will be plenty of happy supportive mums there to help you get it all into perspective (anyone can go, even before you have a bubba).
No need to stress right now, as each new day arrives you will learn something new about your baby, yourself, your relationship, and you have days, weeks, months, years to come to grips with it all! And therein lies the magic. Motherhood is a journey you take with your precious baby. You won't understand until you are holding your new little bubba, but trust me, it's that little person who makes it all right.
Sooo many wonderful things! They far outweigh the bad things.
The look, smell and feel of your new bubba is the most amazing thing in the world.
They look at you like you are their whole world - because you are.
Their firsts of everything (smile, laugh, giggle, wave, rollover) are priceless. I SMSed all my family and friends when DS rolled over for the first time
Some coping strategies:
-Somebody already mentioned this, but once I had resigned myself to the fact that I WOULD have to get up two or three times for a feed during the night, I dealt with it much better.
-Accept any and all offers of help. From your partner, parents, siblings, neighbours, friends - whoever.
-Forget about the housework. It's the most patient thing in the world, it'll wait for you forver
-Rest whenever you can. Try not to schedule a lot of stuff so if you have a crappy night, you don't have to be anywhere the next day. I stay a lot calmer after a bad night if I know that I have the next day to recover.
-Listen to all advice, but discard things that don't feel right for you. I found that if you just let people tell you what they wanted to, they are happy. They never need to know that you disagree with them.
-Most of all - listen to your instinct. I disregarded all the advice of Mothers' Group nurses, most midwives etc etc and feed and cuddled DS to sleep until he was 8 months old. This is what just felt right for us.
Bub will only be a bub for such a short time so enjoy it!
- DO NOT try to do everything, the housework isnt going to go anywhere, it can wait!
- Take a nap during the day if you can while bubs is asleep, it makes it easier when you are getting up for night feeds, you arent as tired
- If someone offers help, take it - if someone offers to hold bub while you do the housework, tell them to get stuffed get them to do the housework, you need to rest
- Go for a walk once a day, round your area, or in bad weather around the shops. You'd be surprised how much better you feel after some exercise, especially on the days where you've gotten very little sleep the night before
- If you need help ask. Ask your partner to do some extra chores for the first few weeks or months. Ask a friend to c0ome round & watch bub while you have a bath, etc
-Dont stress about being in your PJs all day & not having time to have a shower or clean your teeth LOL
- Do what you feel is right, you know whats best for you & your baby
And most important of all, You bub is only this young once. Enjoy every minute of it. Good & bad, its all part of the journey. And take lots of pictures, they grow so fast!
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get them to do the housework, you need to rest
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