I'm feeling REALLY overwhelmed!!! I'm due October 5 (so any time now) and am filling my time reading heaps of baby books particularly about the first few days/weeks after bubs birth. I understand that they need to cover ALL the things you may struggle with, but right now, it just sounds like it's nothing but bad. Don't get me wrong, I've known it would be reeeally hard work, but very few experiences are ONLY bad. If you've had a bub can you please tell me what the good parts were about those first confusing, uncertain, sore, sleep deprived, overwhelming days/weeks - no matter how small it was. Also, any tips on making it all easier? - how to enjoy it with your partner, how to keep a clear head when you're so sleep deprived, how to not stress out too much, how to keep the fun in it all....?
My advice is to just go with it. Follow your instincts with your baby, and don't listen (ever!) to all the 'shoulds' such as your baby should be sleeping like this, your baby should be doing this, or doing that. Ugh. If you need to have the baby sleep with you, let him. If your baby needs to feed every 1.5-2hrs, let him. If your baby wakes through the night (and so he should!) there is nothing wrong with him.
There is definitely a point where you should stop reading too! hehe.
Seriously, I've had 2 babies now that wake frequently through the night. Sure we had extra tiring nights, but on the whole I wouldn't complain that I ever suffered sleep deprivation, even though I haven't slept through a whole night in about 2 1/2 years LOL. Breastfeeding has been my saviour. It is known that both mum & bub suffer less sleep deprivation if breastfeeding because of the lovely sleepy hormones they both receive during those feeds, and if you have the baby with you in your bed or right next to you, you find you don't really need to wake up fully (nor does the baby) in order to have a feed and quickly get back to sleep.
Don't feel overwhelmed. You know what.. everyone at my work and other friends all told me I'd have NO idea how much work a baby is until I have one.. and you know what.. I don't think it's all that hard. OK.. I guess it is hard, but geez - it's not the neverending chore they made it out to be. Just accept that you now are giving yourself to this little person, and that they really aren't babies for very long at all, and enjoy it. Enjoy the night feeds, enjoy the cuddles that he/she will need, and don't stress about all the little things. We all get it together in the end
For me, the good things are a longer list than the bad things, it's just that no one really talks about the good things, cos we don't have to "solve" them IYKWIM.
My good thing list starts with:
Babies smell divine
Watching them sleep in your arms (or anywhere for that matter) is just priceless
They smile at you because you are their world and they're happy that you're in it.
Then they learn to giggle
In the early days, watching them being fascinated by their own hands is hysterical - who knew something so simple could be so amazing.
They get milk drunk
Tips for getting through - don't stress about housework, frozen meals are good, trust your instincts about your baby, as his/her mum you do know best, put the books away until bubs is here, and when in doubt ask the BB girls.
Best of luck with it all, it's a very exciting & special time.
Everyone loves babies, even the evil old woman down the road is suddenly nice to you if it means she gets to admire the baby!
Suddenly realising that what everyone is saying a 3-month-old is clever for doing your baby was doing from birth is a great experience.
Toddlers ROCK. Just wait until they start talking (the first year is some amusing babble, but then they start to hold their own in conversation) and the things they come out with. DS was telling me all about how ducks learn how to quack last week, I think he thought he was teaching them by doing different sorts of quacks. (OK, he's not fluent, but you can get his gist.)
I love watching DS learn and grow in confidence. The way they move, then they do it deliberately, then they play for a laugh... within 3 months they'll have you in hysterics.
I didn't really enjoy the baby stage for many reasons, but maybe also because DS is always pushing himself, so he didn't enjoy being a baby IYKWIM - once he could walk he was so much happier. The first six and a half months were a bit of him being happy, some of the greatest cuddles of my life, then a month or so of annoyance because he couldn't get around under his own steam, then the joys of walking. Everywhere. Holding my hands. For months. Then first steps alone and power charging everywhere! Same with talking, he chatters away but gets cross if you don't understand him, he was like that from birth (and yes; day 2, within 24 hours of birth, he was making non-crying sounds deliberately, "ah!" and "eh!", then "oh!" on day 3).
Don't get me wrong, a sleeping baby is so gorgeous and I loved getting him up and dressed and the cuddles and feeds... bliss! Even the poo was fine, I love folding nappies. But I suppose I was a bit man-like and wanted DS to do something back LOL. And I'm not reiterating the other points, with which I agree.
I agree with Liz - motherhood is a way easier gig than anyone tells you, especially with a tiny baby. If I can do it then anyone can! And instincts are to be trusted, you'll be fine. Just love your baby and do what you think is right, forget the stupid books. Best thing I ever did (except the one that kept telling me how super-advanced DS is, that book I liked, even if I didn't like the advice in it so didn't take it).
Good parts:
+Gazing at your new bub thinking "OMG we made that!"
+Watching them sleep is mesmerising
+Their little smiles
+They only have eyes for you
+Tiny little hands and feet
+Seeing how much they change every day
How to make it easier?
+Thinking of all the good things
+It is hard to believe in the beginning, but the sleep deprivation doesn't last forever.
+What got me through the lack of sleep was I convinced myself that I will need to get up a multitude of times during the night. Somehow setting myself that expectation made it easier to deal with.
+Forget the housework for awhile, it's not important in the big scheme of things.
How to enjoy it with your partner?
+Talk, talk, talk, keep communicating with each other
+Ask him for help when you need it, even if it is just getting you a drink of water
+Marvel at the miracle you both created together
I'm still in the early stages but I have one piece of advice...
If your partner or someone else says "I'll do this, you go sit down/have a nap/relax" for goodness sake DO IT! DON'T try to be the hero supermum, you just carried a baby for 9 months, relax a bit! If bub is crying at night, and you've just fed him/her and your partner says "here, I'll try to settle him/her" for goodness sake LET THEM!
(because the helpfullness doesn't last forever )
I think maybe right now is a good time to talk about roles and expectations... I think you'll probably find you both have different expectations of each other, what you expect each other to do etc. Talking now would be better than snapping at each other for not doing this and that when you're both exhausted.
Thats all the advice I have, because I'm still living it myself.
We didn't get home from hossy until day 6. My son got an infection on day 1 and went to special care. We had some very stressful moments at hossy but things started to fall into place when we got home because I was back in control of my life.
I never got sleep deprived. Not everyone does. I was getting up twice a night and expressing as well as doing formula top ups (so took longer than just breastfeeding alone) yet I still only felt as tired as I did while I was pregnant. I found it managable. He's sleeping through the night now and I'm catching up on sleep.
I was shocked by the lack of crying. My son would wake up and whimper rather than cry. I'd get up and tend to him before he cried. He cries a little more now (he's 3 months) but still it's nothing like I'd imagined it would be. He has been a windy and chucky baby but he still doesn't cry much compared to what I expected.
Watching him sleep was one of my favorite passtimes. So sweet and innocent.
Looking at him, marvelling that DF & I created him is priceless.
I loved studying his face and trying to work out who he looked like.
Trying to work out if he's actually smiling or is he about to chuck is great fun. Realising he didn't chuck and he really did smile is a great feeling.
Trying out all the pretty clothes that you've collected and been given is fun.
Make sure you say yes to all offers of help around the house. If you end up bottle feeding and grandma wants to do it (or change a nappy) hand bubs over. It gives you a little rest.
All in all I've found it far easier than I expected to. I did have problems with breastfeeding that I never imagined I'd have but apart from that everything else was nowhere near as hard as I imagined it.
ps I noticed you are doing a lot of reading. A piece of advice, don't do what I did and read up on pregnancy & newborn care and neglect reading up on labour. I did read about it, but not enough (I didn't realise this til after the birth of course), in particular I wish I'd read more about second stage. All the newborn stuff you will learn as you go, and you get lots of advice on things from the midwives and your health nurse will provide you with heaps of info too.
The best advice I can give you right now is STOP READING and just get out there and enjoy yourself!
Pop into your local ABA meeting, there will be plenty of happy supportive mums there to help you get it all into perspective (anyone can go, even before you have a bubba).
No need to stress right now, as each new day arrives you will learn something new about your baby, yourself, your relationship, and you have days, weeks, months, years to come to grips with it all! And therein lies the magic. Motherhood is a journey you take with your precious baby. You won't understand until you are holding your new little bubba, but trust me, it's that little person who makes it all right.
The good part is the overwhelming feeling of having created a little person and all the mushy feelings that go along with that
It's hard not to stress - you will for sure. But try to keep it in perspective and remember in the hard times that, like Liz said, they are only babies for such a short time and it really does fly by - soon they'll be sticking their finger up your nose to get a laugh and doing weird, hilarious dance moves to ad music.
Partner-wise, I would say the most important thing you can do for all of you is get him involved right from the start - baths, sleeping, nappies, playtime, everything. Don't let him get a fear of 'not doing it right', you can both learn all the little tricks together.
In the first few days, especially in hospital, you will get lots of advice from many people (even midwives) that's all different. Just go with what feels right to you and when you get that one special midwife who makes everything seem calm and relaxed, ask her to come live with you LOL No, seriously, save your questions for the staff that make you feel comfortable and ignore that one grumpy nurse/midwife/doctor that every hospital seems to have.
Sleep deprivation - if you expect to have it, you get a nice surprise if you don't.
You will be fine if you listen to you. And if you don't know the answer, just jump on and ask for some bellybelly group wisdom -it's always worked for me
Balance me out with the good stuff!!
Also, any tips on making it all easier? - how to enjoy it with your partner, how to keep a clear head when you're so sleep deprived, how to not stress out too much, how to keep the fun in it all....?
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