Beside Herself Leaving Swings and Swimming - What Should We Do?

[fionas]

DD is 21 months old and is a very happy girl and also very headstrong and determined.

I like these character traits BUT it is making taking her out a bit tricky.

A little while ago I wrote about the massive tantrum she chucked after we took her off the swing. The same thing happened the next time we went and I tried very hard to give her lots of warning that she'd be getting off soon.

We took her swimming today and the same thing happened. Cried blue murder when she got out (even though the pool was that cold she'd been shivering for the entire 30 mins we'd been in there). She was in such a state that I couldn't get her wet swimmers off and her dry clothes on. It literally took her 15 minutes to calm down enough for us to be able to dress her. Just kept screaming and pointing at the other kids in the pool, shouting "more, more".

Now the thing is, DP often works on weekends but I would really like to be able to take her to places on my own. But it takes two of us to get her in the stroller and/or dressed she protests that much. In addition, I have a dodgy back and it is really hard for me to struggle with a toddler who lies down on the floor kicking me!

The funniest thing was, after all the commotion after swimming, I asked her, "did you like going swimming DD?" and she said "nahhhhhhhhhhhh".

So what should we do?

[Ozziehoffy]

It's a tough one that!! I HATE it when it happens, it's really hard to deal with. A lot of the time I try "diversion" - as in "let's dry off and then we can go and get a drink (we might go to get a coffee or something) but we have to hurry".... like a trade off in a way I guess. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Oskar chucked a wobbly this arvo cos I was in the drivers seat and not daddy.... go figure! They just want things the way THEY want them.

[Phteven]

Do you give warning? If I just grab the boys and go they scream like I'm abducting them but if they have warning they come more easily.
My last phone had a timer so I would say 3 more minutes the set the timer and they learnt really soon that once the bell went it was time to go.
I also find it easier if I tell them our plans before we go anywhere 'first we're going to the swing, then we're walking the dog, then we're taking the dog home, then we're going to the shops and so on'. Then I can say ok we've done the swing so now it's time for walking the dog. I don't say we're leaving the swings, I say we're taking the dog down the rocks and up the hill so it's about what we are doing not what we're not doing. I also try to sound like taking the dog over the hill is really exciting lol.
I find that if I get them to leave a toy in the car or at home they will be happier about going to the car or home because I can remind them that their toy is waiting for them.

I still get the odd tanty so maybe none of it works lol.

Oskar chucked a wobbly this arvo cos I was in the drivers seat and not daddy.... go figure! They just want things the way THEY want them.

OMG what is it with that? Yasin chucked a tanty because I parked beside the letter A not the letter B at the shops today. You wouldn't think that being on the wrong side of a pillar could matter so much *sigh*

[MantaRay]

Fiona. I totally understand how awful that is. DS2 is the same - getting him out of a pool or off play equipment he is enjoying is a nightmare. I always give him warning, he even agrees that he'll get out in 5 more minutes etc, but still tanty when the time comes! And then, just when he's extra tired and I'm expecting a huge tanty - he'll surprise me and get out without a fuss - go figure!

I haven't found a way to prevent it - I'm not sure there is a way. Warnings will help sometimes but not always. But I can mostly reduce it by staying calm and giving him a sheet or pillow case to help him soothe himself (he uses these items as comforters all the time). Distraction can help too, but I've often found it works better when someone different tries it - a friend we are out with or even a stranger who is trying to help out. It's amazing how quickly they can quieten down when a stranger starts talking to them.

In the meantime, I guess I just need to wait for him to grow out of it. He's 2 1/2 now, it can't be more than another 20 years

[Phteven]

In the meantime, I guess I just need to wait for him to grow out of it. He's 2 1/2 now, it can't be more than another 20 years

After trying to get DH away from the footy on TV I'm thinking they never grow out of it. The bright side is that in 20 years it won't be your problem

[Olive]

we also use a timer, but thats at home at bathtime, but im sure like chloe said, a timer on your phone may do the trick

[aussienic]

My DS3 is very headstrong as well.. I warn him before he goes in that if he yells and carries on when it is time to get out then we won't come again..

Generally he is pretty good but he chucks tantrums about who puts him in his car seat (getting heaps better now due to his age) but we simply told him it was a safety issue get over it lol..

[*Ang*]

We do a 5 minute countdown when we are about to leave somewhere, they get warned every minute and are "gernerally" pretty good then when it comes to leaving. Have been doing this with DD and DS for what seems forever now.

Yasin chucked a tanty because I parked beside the letter A not the letter B at the shops today. You wouldn't think that being on the wrong side of a pillar could matter so much *sigh*

We had a big tanty a couple of weeks ago when dropping DD off at pre-school because I didnt park next to a blue car. But of course there were no available parks next to blue cars, but try explaining that to a tantruming 3 year old.

[Cassius2]

oooohh yeah. i can sooooo relate to this thread. we have full on tanties in this house. it does make going out on your own that little bit more *interesting* huh?!

the strength that her little body can produce when trying to (for example) prevent us from putting her in the pram is phenomenal. i basically have to put my whole body behind myself at times. amazing!

the fair warning time of impending departure is a fav in our house. even if it doesnt work all the time, at least DD has had fair warning and no real recourse for her tantrum. if i didnt give her the warning then my mumma guilt would, no doubt, be raging big time.

[Ozziehoffy]

Yasin chucked a tanty because I parked beside the letter A not the letter B at the shops today. You wouldn't think that being on the wrong side of a pillar could matter so much *sigh*

omg they are funny little creatures!

[fionas]

Yep, I need to get better about giving her warnings but she's still a bit little to totally understand them (she's only 21 months).

I should rent a stranger LOL. The only time DD gets cranky is in the scenarios above OR when she's out and about and no-one's waving back to her. Turns into a complete show-off as soon as someone says hello and starts pointing out things she knows the words of.