Blaming Game

[Kaylene]

I have a very mature and intelligent little girl. I have trouble most days just staying on top of her arguments. She Debates EVERYTHING!!! Since having baby #2 I have slipped and let her win some. Not good as she now uses them as examples on how not to discipline her anymore. Grrrr..

My latest dilemma is:

What, or should I say how do you deal with you child when they blame others for their wrong doings?

DD is 3 1/2 and constantly blaming her friends at kindy for her messes. I talk to her about it but her effort is just to convince me that they actually did do it.. Eventually I think she convinces herself... Weird?

Anyone have similar problems? How do I discipline her when I think, she thinks someone else has done it?. Does that make sense??

K

[~Trish~]

Hmm...that's a tough one. Your DD sounds very smart! I would suggest don't get drawn into an argument with her. If you know that she is at fault just keep it short and simple like "No, I know you did it. Now the consequences are...". Then follow it through and leave it at that. If she tries to argue it either ignore her or just say something like "sorry, I'm not buying it", then walk away. That way she isn't getting the attention she wants. I think she needs to know she can't outsmart you! Once kids work out they can't manipulate you, they soon give up.

She really does sound like an intelligent little girl, I'm sure she will do really well in life!

[MantaRay]

One thing I try to do with Jack is not acuse him of something if there is any doubt about whether or not it was him. I know that most of the time it will have been him, but there are times when it's not. So if I haven't seen it, I will make a comment about it, along the lines of "That shouldn't be out of the cupboard should it." and then leave it at that. Later on if I see him in the cupboard I will ask him to stop and take whatever next step is appropriate. At least this way he can't argue that it wasn't him. HTH.

[Dragonbub]

Both comments sound great. My sis makes a rule never to negotiate with her kids. Even if she is wrong, she feels it is more important to have the control. She investigates the situation to find out who is at fault, but also manages the behaviour (like if one of them dobs on the other, she will tell the one off for being naughty, but also have a discussion about dobbing wiht the other one).

It is hard. I don't often watch the Super Nanny, but I did the other night and it seemed a "come down to her level" approach was advocated, as well as consistency. We can't get it right all the time, but as long as they know we are consistent.

Good luck!