Bringing home the baby - what would you do differently if you had your time over?

[FabFiona]

Hi all,

I am currently pregnant with my first child - as you can see not long to go. Following dinner and good chats with my SIL, we got onto the topic of what she would have done differently. Her daughter is 3 and her son is 4 months. She was talking about resting more before her first child and being less routine obsessed with the second.

So it got me thinking - what would you have done differently? On anything, be it big or small.

It's always nice to get some perspective from those that have been there, done that!

Fiona

[nellnell]

Ha Ha, ...... SLEEP WHEN THE BABY SLEEPS!!!!

I was told that by so many people, but no I wanted to be super woman, and have the dinner ready by the time DH got home, clean the house etc etc etc.

When number 2 comes, the kids will rarely go to sleep at the same time, and there is so much less ME time.

Hope all goes well with your pregnancy

[Cassius2]

Honestly, the one big thing that i would of liked to have changed/had control over, was the ability to give myself some slack and go with the flow a bit more.

I was really thrown out by the insistence of the MACH nurse visit at home where she told me that i HAD to institute a feed, play, sleep routine (how one plays with a 6 day old baby is beyond me LOL!). i let her negative comments really get to me (i guess it was the fact that i was a first-timer and she was an 'old hat' so to speak). in retrospect i did a great job and DD and I had a great rythmn. just wish that i had of allowed myself to relax in that knowlege ITMS.

shortened version ( ): i just wish that i would of allowed myself to relax a bit more and not be too concerned with making 'mistakes' (ie with feeding, sleeping routines etc).

[Queen]

I would have slept more before DD1 arrived,
cooked more meals to freeze,
had my hair cut, done more "ME" things as a pose to sitting around waiting for a baby,
slept when DD1 did,
involved my DH more, instead of doing it 'all on my own'
not taken all snide/rude parenting advise I was given by complete strangers, to heart
learn to parent by 'heart' not by a book.

I think thats all wow thats a few.....but when I had DD2 I did most of these things, sleeping when I could with DD1 and DD2.

Good luck

[Stevie]

Great Thread BTW

Ill start with the things i wished i hadnt done..
~i wish i spent less time sitting around waiting for baby and more time doing "me" things
~i wish i hadnt stressed so much about my pregnancy, counting down every day and worrying about every tiny little thing, considering i really had nothing to worry about.
~i wish before i got pregnant i was fitter and healthier, but our next baby will hopefully be planned so ill have some time to do this
~ i wish id spent more intimate time with DH, atm im tired and totally uninterested i feel aweful (he's the type of guy that needs lots of attention in that area )
~i wish that id done the "pre cook and freeze meals" just would have made things easier.
~i wish i didnt leave the hospital earlier than id planned, and i wish id done more research on BFing, i have had so many problems BFIng i wish that i knew a bit more, and got more help instead of trying to fix it on my own

now the things im glad i did do..
~Sleep, i slept anytime all the time while i was pregnant, and now with bub if im tired ill sleep with her.
~im glad that ive done what works for me. My DH has been great, he's the one that made me see every baby is different and just coz she's not doign what the book "says" doesnt make it wrong.
~im so glad that i have my MIL to help me, sometimes i feel bad for asking her to look after DD while she's stil so little, but it works for us. and im just a phone call away.


I knowmy baby is still very younge, and i dont have a lot of experience yet, but i do know that i look at my growing DD everyday and it scares me how much she is already growing, i love that i can sit and cuddle her, and let her sleep on me and enjoy beng close to her coz i know it wont last foreever. and i know when i have #2 it will all be different again coz i already have a baby, but i just that i can enjoy my next baby as much as i am enjoying my first baby.

[Willow]

You know...I wouldn't do anything differently. I coped with each situation the best I could and I eventually found my feet. I learned a LOT about my children and about myself along the way.

[sassy123]

i would of stayed in hosp longer. demanded more help wit tryin to breast feed.
Not moved house that weekend lol.
not of gone back to work when DD was 4 weeks.

[Roryrory]

I was really thrown out by the insistence of the MACH nurse visit at home where she told me that i HAD to institute a feed, play, sleep routine

Same here. My first was one of those dream babies who did nothing but feed and sleep. Literally. For the first 3-4 months. Feed and sleep. Minimal interaction other than liking cuddles. Got cranky if I "played" with him.

I thought he was autistic. He was just easy!!

Looking back I would just take the baby as they come. Know your baby first, listen to "rules" later.

[Bathsheba]

With my first baby: I wish i had been allowed to stay in hospital a bit longer (I was out within 24 hours of giving birth). Mainly so that I HAD to rest. I also was too fast to try to get back into a routine... I should have let more things go. Also I shouldn't have listened to friends who told me not to become boring just because I had a baby. We went to a friends New Years Party within a week of giving birth just because we were told it was expected of us Silly silly thing... I wish i had understood and followed the notion of having a BABYMOON at home.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

With my first baby: I wouldn't have brought him home. In that I wouldn't have gone to the hospital in the first place. I'd have given birth, bonded and have a son now.

But with a growing newborn: I wouldn't have changed it really. I'd have tried to do more home cooking I suppose. And had goat's milk instead of cow's milk, I'll be doing that with #2+. I'd have enjoyed coffee mornings more, knowing that I had to go back to work and would really miss them!

[Emma1979]

i would have curled up on the couch and watched daytime dvd and dosed while holding my sleeping baby who refused to sleep in her cot, instead of agonising and trying to make her sleep in her cot... i would have put my feet up and breathed in her heavenly scent instead of worrying about creating 'bad habits' in regards to where she was or wasn't sleeping...

i wouldn't have worried about the dishes...

i would have said 'No' more, and confidently.... i would have rested, turned down invitations to go places to show off the baby, put a sign on the door saying no vistors due to mum and bub sleeping etc...

just try to enjoy your baby and take it very very easy, this is the ONLY chance you will get to do this, when you have your second you will have a toddler to take care of - THIS IS YOUR CHANCE TO REST AND RELAX WITH YOUR BABY WITHOUT HAVING TO THINK OF ANYONE ELSE!!!!

use your time wisely!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Cassius2]

i would have curled up on the couch and watched daytime dvd and dosed while holding my sleeping baby who refused to sleep in her cot, instead of agonising and trying to make her sleep in her cot... i would have put my feet up and breathed in her heavenly scent instead of worrying about creating 'bad habits' in regards to where she was or wasn't sleeping...

yeah, you hit the nail right on the head there! that is what i really wished i could of done TBH. just allowed myself the freedom to breath and relax.

Bath: we had that ALOT from friends too. i was the first out of all my friends, and i found the comments hard that we would become boring etc etc. i remember being basically kicked out of the house (sans baby!!) when DD was 10 days old because i needed to hang out with friends for lunch ! i mean, it was a lovely thought of DH and friends, but man oh man, my body was still battered and bruised post birth, my .y.s were full and aching....so you can imagine LOL!

[Bathsheba]

I was the first amongst my friends to have a baby too Clare. Most of my friends have only fairly recently started having their babies and HOW interesting that THEY are total homebodies now!!! We asked one family who had had their baby 3 MONTHS previously if they would like to come over for a BBQ... just them, not a houseful (like during their New years eve party)... but we got "oh no... we aren't going out at all yet, it's too hard with the baby". DH and I laughed A LOT after that phone call! Of course it would have been rude to remind them of what they had told us 14 years previous!

[Inertia]

Ok, I know a lot of people said stay in hospital longer, but my hospital kept me there three days trying to get more blood out of me and I ended up signing myself out AMA because my back was killing me. I later realised that they wanted the more blood to test for blood borne diseases because my XH cut the midwifes finger when he cut the cord. If they had been honest with me and told me that, I wouldnt have been so difficult. All I saw was a bunch of people trying to take blood from me for no good reason, simply because I made a habit of refusing most needles due to my syncope.

Basically - the beds are REALLY bad, especially after you have just had a baby. All it takes is leaning over for a minute to hurt your back after birth. If you get a good hospy with good beds, go for it. If its just the standard hospital ones, 2 days is about as long as you can go on them with a delicate spine.

As for what I would (and have done) differently.

I stopped taking everything people with name tags on their clothes said as gospel.
I stopped letting Doctors scare me with every little thing - and taking every damn test under the sun when there was no actual concern.
I took Lots and Lots and Lots and LOTS of Photographs. No such thing as too many - especially when you have felt the sadness of having none.
I cuddled them more, spent more time with them as a baby just letting them grab at my hand and sit on my lap.
I spent less time trying to put them to sleep, and more time enjoying them while they were awake. Then I had no problems watching the sleep.

I started doing things myself. We live in such a ready-made world that it loses the gratification you get of doing something for them all on your own.

TBH, a lot of this is mostly Phoebe. My whole perspective changed after my niece passed away from SIDS. I have treated every single moment like it is the last one and I refuse to miss one tiny little moment of her life. Or any of them. Its so sad to say it but I tend to think that that was my nieces gift to me from her life - her passing made me a better mother. Their lives are precious, and their babyhood is so very short. Enjoy every second of it. Nothing is too much trouble, remember that.

[onthefly]

Yeah, I woulda skipped hospital too!

And just spent a whole lot more time enjoying my tiny little baby - in arms, at the breast, crying, whatever... they grow so fast

[Lolli]

I'd do everything I'm doing this time round- sleep when the kids sleep, relax and forget the housework, take offers of help when I get them.

The only difference would be that next time I'd plan to have the baby at home

[mummato1]

My only regret so far is that I "assumed" I would have had no problems with a VB and breastfeeding and I really didnt educate myself accordingly for what to do when things dont go smoothly.

I also didnt listen to my gut and speak up when I thought bubs wasnt in the right position (he was posterior) even though the midwife said he was in the right position.

So next time around, I will be more prepared! I will research all of my options for a vbac and speak my mind more.

[Sequoia]

For me, I'd make sure I had more meals cooked and in the freezer!