Bringing home the baby - what would you do differently if you had your time over?

[FabFiona]

Hi all,

I am currently pregnant with my first child - as you can see not long to go. Following dinner and good chats with my SIL, we got onto the topic of what she would have done differently. Her daughter is 3 and her son is 4 months. She was talking about resting more before her first child and being less routine obsessed with the second.

So it got me thinking - what would you have done differently? On anything, be it big or small.

It's always nice to get some perspective from those that have been there, done that!

Fiona

[nellnell]

Ha Ha, ...... SLEEP WHEN THE BABY SLEEPS!!!!

I was told that by so many people, but no I wanted to be super woman, and have the dinner ready by the time DH got home, clean the house etc etc etc.

When number 2 comes, the kids will rarely go to sleep at the same time, and there is so much less ME time.

Hope all goes well with your pregnancy

[Cassius2]

Honestly, the one big thing that i would of liked to have changed/had control over, was the ability to give myself some slack and go with the flow a bit more.

I was really thrown out by the insistence of the MACH nurse visit at home where she told me that i HAD to institute a feed, play, sleep routine (how one plays with a 6 day old baby is beyond me LOL!). i let her negative comments really get to me (i guess it was the fact that i was a first-timer and she was an 'old hat' so to speak). in retrospect i did a great job and DD and I had a great rythmn. just wish that i had of allowed myself to relax in that knowlege ITMS.

shortened version ( ): i just wish that i would of allowed myself to relax a bit more and not be too concerned with making 'mistakes' (ie with feeding, sleeping routines etc).

[sassy123]

i would of stayed in hosp longer. demanded more help wit tryin to breast feed.
Not moved house that weekend lol.
not of gone back to work when DD was 4 weeks.

[Roryrory]

I was really thrown out by the insistence of the MACH nurse visit at home where she told me that i HAD to institute a feed, play, sleep routine

Same here. My first was one of those dream babies who did nothing but feed and sleep. Literally. For the first 3-4 months. Feed and sleep. Minimal interaction other than liking cuddles. Got cranky if I "played" with him.

I thought he was autistic. He was just easy!!

Looking back I would just take the baby as they come. Know your baby first, listen to "rules" later.

[Bathsheba]

With my first baby: I wish i had been allowed to stay in hospital a bit longer (I was out within 24 hours of giving birth). Mainly so that I HAD to rest. I also was too fast to try to get back into a routine... I should have let more things go. Also I shouldn't have listened to friends who told me not to become boring just because I had a baby. We went to a friends New Years Party within a week of giving birth just because we were told it was expected of us Silly silly thing... I wish i had understood and followed the notion of having a BABYMOON at home.

[Emma1979]

i would have curled up on the couch and watched daytime dvd and dosed while holding my sleeping baby who refused to sleep in her cot, instead of agonising and trying to make her sleep in her cot... i would have put my feet up and breathed in her heavenly scent instead of worrying about creating 'bad habits' in regards to where she was or wasn't sleeping...

i wouldn't have worried about the dishes...

i would have said 'No' more, and confidently.... i would have rested, turned down invitations to go places to show off the baby, put a sign on the door saying no vistors due to mum and bub sleeping etc...

just try to enjoy your baby and take it very very easy, this is the ONLY chance you will get to do this, when you have your second you will have a toddler to take care of - THIS IS YOUR CHANCE TO REST AND RELAX WITH YOUR BABY WITHOUT HAVING TO THINK OF ANYONE ELSE!!!!

use your time wisely!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Cassius2]

i would have curled up on the couch and watched daytime dvd and dosed while holding my sleeping baby who refused to sleep in her cot, instead of agonising and trying to make her sleep in her cot... i would have put my feet up and breathed in her heavenly scent instead of worrying about creating 'bad habits' in regards to where she was or wasn't sleeping...

yeah, you hit the nail right on the head there! that is what i really wished i could of done TBH. just allowed myself the freedom to breath and relax.

Bath: we had that ALOT from friends too. i was the first out of all my friends, and i found the comments hard that we would become boring etc etc. i remember being basically kicked out of the house (sans baby!!) when DD was 10 days old because i needed to hang out with friends for lunch ! i mean, it was a lovely thought of DH and friends, but man oh man, my body was still battered and bruised post birth, my .y.s were full and aching....so you can imagine LOL!

[Bathsheba]

I was the first amongst my friends to have a baby too Clare. Most of my friends have only fairly recently started having their babies and HOW interesting that THEY are total homebodies now!!! We asked one family who had had their baby 3 MONTHS previously if they would like to come over for a BBQ... just them, not a houseful (like during their New years eve party)... but we got "oh no... we aren't going out at all yet, it's too hard with the baby". DH and I laughed A LOT after that phone call! Of course it would have been rude to remind them of what they had told us 14 years previous!

[Emma1979]

hmmmmm bathsheba i don't think i would have been able to resist maybe mentioning it!!
i'm another one to be the first to have a baby in our friends, have only one other friend who has just had her first.... our best friends aren't having kids, so it remains a bit difficult to organise seeing them as their lifestyle is different.

[Bathsheba]

Yes, I wouldn't bother as much about trying to keep up the pre-baby life-style. These same friends I mentioned were also in a band with DH. We found it really hard to do rehearsals (straight after work until late into the night) and pay for all the band-related things after our baby came along. Our friends didn't understand how expensive having a baby was... they kept laying guilt trips on us. The band lasted until they themselves had their first baby... then it had to stop because THEY couldn't do rehearsals I wish we had put our foot down earlier!!!

[~Kim~]

Exactly what your SIL said.
Poor DD I wish I'd spent more time doing it by heart instead of by other people's 'rules'.
DS, even though he is a 'worse' sleeper/more difficult kid, has had it so much easier because we just did what needed to be done.

[ladybird11]

With DD - I wished I could take her home when I was discharged (but she was prem, so that wasn't happening).

With DS - I wish I demanded to be discharged from hossy thru the day (I had a c/s and received really poor care), instead at 10pm my DH picked me and my sobbing a$$ up and we had to sign medical discharge forms etc - not really pleasant.

The other thing with DS I would have changed was not have my wedding 6 wks after his birth - which caused me to be REALLY body concious and I was getting so stressed if I couldn't exercise; AND two weeks after the wedding I had a big exam to sit for work. Although the wedding went off without a hitch, and I passed the exam and it was worth it now, but I'm not planning 'nuthin' after number 3 comes along lol.

[Inertia]

Ok, I know a lot of people said stay in hospital longer, but my hospital kept me there three days trying to get more blood out of me and I ended up signing myself out AMA because my back was killing me. I later realised that they wanted the more blood to test for blood borne diseases because my XH cut the midwifes finger when he cut the cord. If they had been honest with me and told me that, I wouldnt have been so difficult. All I saw was a bunch of people trying to take blood from me for no good reason, simply because I made a habit of refusing most needles due to my syncope.

Basically - the beds are REALLY bad, especially after you have just had a baby. All it takes is leaning over for a minute to hurt your back after birth. If you get a good hospy with good beds, go for it. If its just the standard hospital ones, 2 days is about as long as you can go on them with a delicate spine.

As for what I would (and have done) differently.

I stopped taking everything people with name tags on their clothes said as gospel.
I stopped letting Doctors scare me with every little thing - and taking every damn test under the sun when there was no actual concern.
I took Lots and Lots and Lots and LOTS of Photographs. No such thing as too many - especially when you have felt the sadness of having none.
I cuddled them more, spent more time with them as a baby just letting them grab at my hand and sit on my lap.
I spent less time trying to put them to sleep, and more time enjoying them while they were awake. Then I had no problems watching the sleep.

I started doing things myself. We live in such a ready-made world that it loses the gratification you get of doing something for them all on your own.

TBH, a lot of this is mostly Phoebe. My whole perspective changed after my niece passed away from SIDS. I have treated every single moment like it is the last one and I refuse to miss one tiny little moment of her life. Or any of them. Its so sad to say it but I tend to think that that was my nieces gift to me from her life - her passing made me a better mother. Their lives are precious, and their babyhood is so very short. Enjoy every second of it. Nothing is too much trouble, remember that.

[Taurean]

Sleep when the baby sleeps!! Everyone told me that but did I listen? Only some of the time! DD was a great sleeper for the first 4-5 weeks then she really 'woke up' and her silent reflux kicked in so I struggled getting her down for day sleeps from that point on. She's now 11 weeks old and on reflux medication and we are finally getting at least one long day sleep each day. She's actually had two massive sleeps today and an all nighter last night - bliss!

Don't be affraid to say 'no' to visitors, 'no' to invitations to go out and 'yes' to help. I actually did all those things and I'm so glad I did. I had enough stress with breastfeeding issues that visitors and social outings just weren't an option some days. I put DD first and I'm glad I did. It really was stressful enough (due to our breastfeeding issues).

Enjoy every moment. They really do grow up so quickly and what feels like the end of the world one day will be a distant memory the next.

Best of luck!

[Traveller]

I would have trusted my own instincts more, and fed my baby when he was hungry (every hour and a half during the day) instead of 2 hourly that my MCHN advised. When I remember the agony of holding a screaming baby whilst my boobs were leaking milk as I watched the clock I could slap myself.

I would also ignore advice like putting my gorgeous newborn to sleep in another room from me when all I wanted was to see him.

And I would take help from people who offered to cook and clean for me

[BellyBelly]

Me? I wouldn't be bringing home the baby. Because the baby would already be at home

[Traveller]

Me? I wouldn't be bringing home the baby. Because the baby would already be at home

hehe I almost suggested this too, one of my biggest regrets was going all the way to hospital then having to come all the way home again when I could have been comfy in my own bed the whole time.