Climbing on/jumping off couch and kid furniture... do you let you let your kids?

[Mrs P]

"Couches are for bottoms" is our mantra here. That refers more to standing/jumping though. Feet are ok if curled up and no shoes on.

[chody47]

Like others have said, in our house we don't jump on couches or beds. It's not due to the injury side of things (although when DD1 was learning this rule and did jump occasionally I did worry about her hurting herself), but because its not an acceptable thing to do. You don't see people jumping on chairs and furniture out in public or at any of my friends houses, so we don't do it here. For us, it's about learning the rules of society I guess.

[Santosha]

Thanks ladies. I'm pretty sure we'll stick with the rules as they stand... just turning it over as I'm so tired of nagging him already and he's only two. And, like I said, sometimes I find myself telling them not to do something and there's not really a reason beyond that it bugs me.

So, sorry to harp on... I reiterate, I am not criticizing, just don't get it.... WHY is jumping on furniture disrespectful? I can understand that actively breaking something disrespects it, and completely agree that respecting belongings extends to self-respect and respect of others. But I see what my kids do (or want to do) on the couch as a mark of their energy levels, experimentation and sensori-motor play rather than anything that is destructive per se. I guess if it's just a rule, then repeatedly defying it is disrespectful. But by the same token, I find being relentlessly limiting and telling them off pretty disrespectful, or at least restrictive and idea-quashing, for my kids.

And WRT sensory stuff - thanks Andi. I know a bit about SPD and have worked with many kids with sensory seeking behaviours. At this stage it just looks like typical 2 year old behaviour to me but, perhaps even moreso because of what I've seen at work, I am def. always keeping an eye on things.

[Arimeh]

Well I can't speak for anyone else, but for me its disrespectful because its not what its purpose is. And its a rule in our house. Maybe its because DH and I are older parents and not in our 20's, but we were certainly never allowed to do that in our house, and as "wrong" as it may be, both of us follow society's rules and are happy with the job that our parents did with us. So I guess we have the same rules in our house now as we had in our house as kids.

Plus, its DH's and my property that they are effectively destroying when they jump on it - and I don't want them to go somewhere else and jump on someone else's couch. Which is what they would do if we let them jump on ours.

So we start respect for other people's belongings in our own home. And if thats seen as being disrespectful to the kids by not letting them have some fun or whatever - well - I don't really care to be honest what other people think, unless they are willing to buy us a new couch PMSL!!!!

[meow]

Oh sheesh.

[~Hestia~]

I can't speak for anyone else, but I guess we say jumping on furniture is disrespectful because the furniture is important to us. We take care of things that are important to other people. Whether that is a cheap couch or a fragile ornament, if someone says they don't want it played with in a way that will damage it, then we have to respect that. And by 'we' I mean our family. As they get older there has been and will be more opportunities to teach respect, but furniture is a start

[Phteven]

My sofas cost a lot of money (to us - I know it's relative). They are paid for by my DH's work and by our staff working ungodly hours being polite to people who in many instances are total idiots. Someone worked designing them, other people worked to make them, they are leather - cows died so we could sit on them, the metal in them was mined from the Earth that we live on, their delivery resulted in greenhouse gas emissions. I could go on but in short, they are the product of people's work and the Earth's resources. They are not disposable and I intend to sit on them until I am old and grey. To treat them as a trampoline/soft play area and thus shorten their life is IMO disrespectful of everything that went into them.
I want my children to tread lightly on the Earth. In our home that includes not treating things roughly that were not designed to be treated roughly.

Even if our sofas had been free the same things would apply.

[Phteven]

But by the same token, I find being relentlessly limiting and telling them off pretty disrespectful, or at least restrictive and idea-quashing, for my kids.

I'm not sure how instilling respect or telling children what is and isn't socially acceptable is relentlessly limiting.
IMO failure to do those things is disrespectful. I respect my children's intelligence and understanding enough to believe that they can grasp these concepts. I think that by giving them the tools to negotiate social situations and understand societal norms I am in fact doing the opposite of limiting them, that what is truly limiting is being unable to fit in socially.

[Arimeh]

Wow in the nearly 6 years I've been a member I think this is the first time I have agreed with Zazou on a topic!

That's a miracle I reckon!!!! PMSL

[Santosha]

Wow. Feeling kind of jumped on myself for challenging an assumption, even though I tried to express it as such... curiosity. Questioning. Not criticism.

But I also have über-sensitive preggo brain and DD giving me a filthy look is enough to make me cry, so I'm not sure I'm able to read the tone accurately at all.

Will come back later.

[Arimeh]

Nah mate, don't feel jumped on - we just see it differently to you, doesn't mean anyone is particularly right - its just how we feel about the situation. I don't think anyone is jumping on anyone else's way of parenting here, just explaining the reasons why ours is different to yours.

My mum was pretty old school - so that makes me pretty old school with how I want to raise my kids. I read a lot on here about respectful parenting and all that kind of stuff, and I sometimes feel like the odd one out, because most of the time it just doesn't stick in my brain, seems a bit all politically correct for me and the way that I was raised, so its really bizarre (to me!) that people let their kids do stuff that I don't let my kids do because I was never raised that way - ITMS?

I'm probably an old fuddy duddy in my parenting style, and who knows if I'm completely wrong, or hell, even if we are all wrong - but we are all doing the best we can with what feels right.

And just because its different to what feels right to someone else, doesn't mean its wrong.

[Phteven]

Lol Arimeh, it had to happen eventually.

I think respectful parenting means teaching and modeling respect. Children need boundaries and guidance and there isn't much that is respectful in failing to provide them. In our home one of the boundaries is that we take care of our possessions.
We all have different rules.