Controlled Crying is bad, mmkay?

[Doing my best]

Mind you I think my SIL encouraged bad sleep, because whenever her children would whimper she would tend to them. Hence waking them further, resulting in overtired children. Plus she would totally ignore tired cues. It's not about CIO, but it is about understanding your babies cries and cues. And this can go a long way in helping.

I think I did this with my DD.. I knew I didn't want her to cry, but I mistook every grunt/movement that she was awake and needed settling and in effect I was actually waking her.. And when I realised I felt like I had created her 'bad' sleep. But I also know, chances are I talked myself into feeling that way..

With DS, he didn't like being cuddled to sleep. I worked this out when I needed a toilet break while he was screaming, and put him in the bassinette. By the end of the toilet break he was asleep, so the next time he didn't go to sleep while feeding, and was not settling with a cuddle, I tried again, and it worked. I had learned different cries by then, and while he often cried when put into bed, they were a grizzle (more a protest) rather than a distress.. He would get more worked up if I picked him up. So learning the cries was a huge help 2nd time round..

[~Gee_Whizzy~]

I think I did this with my DD.. I knew I didn't want her to cry, but I mistook every grunt/movement that she was awake and needed settling and in effect I was actually waking her.. And when I realised I felt like I had created her 'bad' sleep. But I also know, chances are I talked myself into feeling that way..

With DS, he didn't like being cuddled to sleep. I worked this out when I needed a toilet break while he was screaming, and put him in the bassinette. By the end of the toilet break he was asleep, so the next time he didn't go to sleep while feeding, and was not settling with a cuddle, I tried again, and it worked. I had learned different cries by then, and while he often cried when put into bed, they were a grizzle (more a protest) rather than a distress.. He would get more worked up if I picked him up. So learning the cries was a huge help 2nd time round..

This is what I learned with DD2, who was a reflux baby, which lead me to believe she needed to be upright with me all the time! Turned out she was happy to have the bassinette mattress elevated and not be attached to me.

DD1 (4) is still my "dodgy" sleeper. DH has to sit with her for min 15 mins each night - I stopped doing it when DD2 was born, as it really was just too much and in the end it came down to my sanity being just as important as the needs of DD1 being met - hence why DH took over. I feel with her, that being a first time Mum, I was overtly conscious of every squeak, grunt and peep out of her...hence why *I* feel she "learned" (for want of a better phrase) that to get my attention she just had to make some sort of noise. I've read so many times (in general, that is) that babes are very smart and we don't give them enough credit. However, it seems to be, that when it comes to sleeping/settling/CC etc, it's more about them just needing to be held/rocked/patted etc to sleep, not being incredibly smart and "knowing" what to do to get their desired outcome? Or does that only apply when they are older, and there are actual thought processes in place? I will add, that I'm not being facetious or "flamey", just genuinely interested in that idea?

[onthefly]

Grizzling or whatever when settling to sleep is not crying, though, and allowing your baby space to go through this process, is not CC or CIO. Crying means they're upset, distressed, angry, scared, tired, hungry, or whatever, and need help to soothe themselves. That is what it means to me, anyway.
My DS never did this. He was upset. If he cried, he needed me. My DD did, and yes it took a bit of time to realise this, but we did figure it out. I have a few issues with the warning not to attend to every sound because you might be teaching your child to seek you out (my mum banged on about this when I had DS!). The first is the presumption that the mother can't figure out what her child needs with a bit of time and trial and error. Second is the implication that an attentive mother will create a 'problem' sleeper. Third is the idea that it is a bad thing if your child figures out how to communicate their needs effectively to you. This is a good thing, no?