The truth is you just do what you can, when you can. And don't beat yourself up too much if all your well laid plans and attempts at remaining positive fall to peices (as they are apt to do).
Having a variety of activities and things to do are a great idea, and can really help. (mind you I have a toddler who wil destroy the house with any activity, unless fully supervised at all times - colouring in walls, tearing books, grounding playdough in carpet, throwing toys, climbing on benches - so my TV does get a good workout, despite best intentions).
Also my DD won't sleep during the day mor often then not, but I still put her in bed with some books and toys and let her play quietly (used to leave the baby monitor on so I could hear her, when we lived in a bigger house).
The trueth is i find getting out of the house to be my lifesaver when it is all getting too much. I strap the two older kids in the pram and put the baby in the sling and go for a walk or go shopping. Even if this doesn't help hem settle (it often does as they are often just going stirr crazy) It does give me a break, and then I can refocus my energies and try some different more positive approaches.
Well, I just do sometimes. We are blessed with higher pain thresholds and more patience than men. Although if you feel you have to yell, cut the burning fuse by whatever means necessary - if that means you need the square babysitter, dont be ashamed of it. Half an hour of the toddler in front of the tv while mummy regroups is a much better alternative to yelling at her over a little thing because there has been a day long string of little things.
I get Haz to help me with Phoebe. She is our baby. He also gets as much of helping me with the good. He'll sit down next to me on the Sofa and I'll support Phe on his lap while he gets to cuddle and coo at her. They watch Coraline (Phes favourite movie) together while mummy showers, makes lunch and gets mummy things done and he does his job, comes and gets mummy if Phoebe cries. Then I'll feed Phe, She'll go to sleep and he gets out his blocks. The really important thing with blocks is when they want to show you what they have made, drop what you are doing and go look. Show genuine interest. They wont hold their attention if there is no one to share their creations with. Same with colouring in books and just about anything that you want them to play independently with.
Finally, dont let daddy get away with nothing! My DH used to say "You need to get up earlier when we are going out. Takes hours just to get out of the driveway." I finally snapped at him one day that it wouldnt if he bloody well helped me get the kids ready - and since he doesnt, he has no right to whinge at me. Its a slow process getting men into our headspace and I found works better when they give you the opening. You reply involving how much faster/easier it would go if they helped and that since they don't, either do it themselves or even help do it then their rights to complain about it is revoked! Men are a bit like kids themselves. You have to be firm with them, keep to common sense and logic - and never let them draw you into their "My day was worse than yours" games. DH the other day came back from the hospital visiting his brother in the worst worst mood. We had been sat here all day in 40 degree heat trying to keep the baby cool... and despite being in air conditioning all day, his day was worse because there was traffic on the road. Everything is worse for them in their minds so don't buy into it. Stick to the logistics of the situation you are discussing because the second you let them drag you off topic, they are poised to win their freedom from responsibility.
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