When do bad habits form?

[AliBaby]

Okay...so I am worried about a couple of things that I am doing with DD. She is almost 7wks old.

1. Sleeping - She sleeps with me, or on the couch (very safe I promise), in her bouncer, in her pram when we are out or if it is moving (not worried about the pram). She will not go in her cot and will only sometimes sleep in her basinette which is in our room but only for maybe 1 night sleep and she has to be out of it.

At the moment, I am not really fussed about these arrangements as I enjoy it as well but am worried that the longer I do it for the harder and harder its going to be to get DD into her cot, which I want her to sleep in. What do you think? And what are your experiences with getting your babies to go from co-sleeping to cot sleeping?

2. Self-soothing- DD cant do this by herself. I seriously can not put her down somewhere awake. She will just cry. Again have I already let her form a bad habit here?

So what I am asking is when do I have to change these arrangements to make it easy for me and her in the long run? Or is it to late already? Have I put a rod in my back?

Hope that made sense.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

"Bad" habits are those such as hurting others and demanding TV at 2am.

I would class asking Mum for help when baby needed her as a good habit, and one to encourage: after all, I want my baby to come to me for support and help as a child and a teenager. So needing help to go to sleep (as DS still does, age 2) isn't a bad thing. We enjoy winding down the day together. My DS couldn't self-soothe from birth and I was NOT about to force him to scream for hours to ensure that happened. The only night it happened both DH and I were physically incapable of looking after him (sickness), BiL offered to have DS and SiL let him cry it out. For three hours, non-stop. That doesn't sit well with me and I couldn't do it to him.

DS slept mostly with me. He stopped co-sleeping at about 10m old. He does it only when he's really upset or in pain now (ie nightmare or teething). If I try it, he pushes me away. He will sleep in my bed, but in his own space and NOT cuddled up. Other children are different, but having Mum near is a NEED at this age and I don't agree with not meeting your child's needs.

You say your baby starts the night in a bassinette alone. As she grows older and needs fewer feeds, she'll not wake up so much and therefore be on her own for longer. It's natural progression. It may take a while for a child to sleep through the night (a friend had his 11yo daughter sleeping with them from 2am onwards all last week, she's back to normal now) but it will happen.

As for a rod for your own back - it's only a rod if you feel a burden, not if someone else decides it is.

HTH!

[Lulu]

Blow raspberries at ANYONE that uses the term 'bad habits' when it comes to babies.

7 weeks is not a long time to be in the big, wide, world. She needs you and will for a while yet and that's why the sling was invented! And afternoon sleeps for both mummy and bubs.

And everything that RH said - awesome post chick.

[~StarBright~]

I would say you havent formed any bad habits there- you have just always done what your daughter needed and wanted you to do And you dont HAVE to change these arrangements... your little girl will change them herself as she grows up.

My DS feeds to sleep- so he often sleeps on or with me- he is 8 months now and he is slowly spending more time in his cot he has his day sleeps there and nights until he wakes at about 2am.. it wasnt something i ever "forced" him to do- it was the way he was since he was born, from the first nights in hospital he would sleep in his cot- so he was in with me. And it works because it keeps him happy which keeps me happy

Keep doing what feels right for you and your baby- dont let anyone make you feel like you are forming bad habits by letting her feel loved and secure. Some babies can self settle easily and yay for them and their mummies, but not all babies are the same.

Take care and enjoy your cuddles!!

[AliBaby]

Thanks girls, i needed that reassurance from other mums. Alot of people I speak to IRL I think lie to me. I bet they did co-sleep and settle their babies. I could not stand letting DD cry to sleep. I get stressed for her when I hear her crying and I am on the loo!

Starbright- Its nice to know that their habits will change when they are ready. Thanks for your support

Lulu- I need to have more of those arvo sleeps. The other night DD fell asleep in her bouncer and I got her out of it so I could cuddle up with her on the couch because I wanted a cuddle from her! hehe We ended up falling asleep together

RH- Great post. Thankyou for that reassurance. I dont feel it a burden, in fact I love the closeness and DP is really supportive of me doing whatever works for us. He is even sleeping in the spare bed so that DD and i have more room. I have been surprised at how people like my sis, SIL and mum have reacted when I said DD sleeps with me. I have jsut told them it works and you have to do what works to get through each day and night. (funny thing is my sis and SIL dont have kids so they have no clue really).

You girls have made me feel so much better. Thankyou

[Catastrophic]

Ali - As everyone else has said... Its not bad habits... Your doing what is working hence what is right for you an your daughter that is the only thing that matters...

Izzy use to be a co-sleeping bubba too, but she grew out of it herself...

[AliBaby]

Cass- Thankyou When you say she grew out of it...what happened? Did one day she just go to sleep in her cot when you put her there or did she choose to go in the cot?

[Sterla]

If it makes your baby happy, then it's definitely not a 'bad habit'.

You're doing a fantastic job Ali .

[AliBaby]

Thanks Sterla. You are so sweet How are things going with Oliver? He is so adorable!

[Sterla]

Thanks Sterla. You are so sweet How are things going with Oliver? He is so adorable!

That's more than okay Ali! Us first time mums need all the support and reassurance we can get!

Oliver is absolutely wonderful - a very happy, peaceful bub. I am completely and utterly in love! How is Ashlyn?

[mrsmac]

I haven't heard of amny 10 yr olds sleeping with parents who don't want them there so i think you are pretty safe!
Motherhood is filled with guilt and uncertainty no matter how many times you do it, I think it just varies about what you fell guilty or uncertain about.

[shellbell3]

Even with 2nd child I still find myself worrying bout bad habits.
Then I have to remind myself how well Ash has turned out sleep wise. Settles well.
I guess nothing is a bad habit unless you decide its something you want to change. For example for me with Ash I'd always feed her to sleep it then meant I couldn't leave her and get any time for myself. So I decided I had to change that, this time round I still feed to sleep but make sure she can also settle other ways like rocking or the bouncer.
Its all dependent on you and what you are happy doing.