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Thread: DH doesnt want anymore....im devastated.

  1. #1
    poppet Guest

    Default DH doesnt want anymore....im devastated.

    Hi,

    This is my first post....please go easy. You ladies all seem very kind and informative....
    Im a SAHM(stay at home mum). We have two beautiful girls - 2 year old and 8 month old. I really want another. DH wont hear of it. He says hes given me my two girls and now he wants to get on with life. Im really upset. I feel like im losing out. Dont get me wrong, i love,love my two girls, but i just dont feel complete..... He says i should be happy with what ive got. He never wanted a 2nd child, but when DD#1 was 18 months he came around (on his own) and agreed to have another. Should i pray (and hope) he will come around again? Its all i can think about. The thought of throwing away ANY of my maternity clothing or baby goods makes me physically sick.
    I am breastfeeding my DD#2 - am i just super hormonal? Do i try and convince him........i feel resentful towards him, i dont want to try at even communicating with him. Am i being unreasonable??


  2. #2

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    Awww Poppet, big *hugs*.

    I can really relate because it has taken my DP over 2 years to come around to the idea of us having a 2nd baby, and even that is not 100% definate yet.

    I know what its like to get so upset and distraught when you have been given an answer that you really don't want. My advice is to probably give it some more time for him to come around. Don't force the issue, but make mention occasionally how much you think having another is a wonderful idea. It may take months, or even years for him to agree to a third, but in my opinion its always worth it let to let them take their time when deciding what to do, as if you force the issue they may end up resenting you.
    I know that you feel that you resent your DH at the moment, however try and take a step back and not let it get to you, as if you fight about it you may just push him further away from the idea of having a third.
    And in the meantime, DONT throw out those maternity or baby clothes!
    Just take things slow and steady... it has worked for me, but has taken a long time...

    I'm not sure if this advice suits you, so you can take it or leave it, but I just want to wish you good luck.

    And welcome to BB btw

  3. #3

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    Awww sorry to hear. I hope your DH comes around soon. My DH was happy with just one, but I eventually talked him round I know how it feels to crave another bub.. I say pray, and hope he changes his mind... you only live once.. Good luck hun xx

  4. #4
    poppet Guest

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    thank you ambah. No, your advice was received with thanks.I read somethink somewhere where it said men have to come to decisions on there own, they dont like to be pushed into something, especially by a woman - LOL.
    Damn him for not being able to see what i can see.......Its so frustrating. I dunno if its all part of being a woman. But im so giving. Its him first, then my two girls, then me. Man im so used to luke warm tea - i make sure they're all looked after with first, then good ole me get her dinner. Im not complaining, im sssssssssssssooooo happy with what im doing. Why is it such a big deal for another one? Im mean we're almost half way there.
    I just cant see him rolling over one day and saying 'you know what babe, lets go for that third'. KWIM.?

  5. #5

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    Poppet I so KWYM, although I have 4 kids LOL. Only my 2 youngest are with my DP though and he is so adament that he wants no more, even saying he would rather give himself a vasectomy than have anymore. So I guess it's a definant no there.

    My DP wasn't huge on the idea of going for number 2 either but once I was pg there wasn't alot he could do. Hmm not meant to sound like I tricked him coz I didn't, we were actively trying for her and afterall he is only male and would never knock back the chance of getting some Of course he was hapy when I fell just the whole idea in the first place rattles them I think.

    Men are creatures of comfort, they don't take well to change. Does your DH have any desire for a son?? Perhaps you could play that card. I think it's a case of you being told no that makes you want it all the more too. Well i know that's the way I work. Like a defiant child LOL.

    Good luck sweety and I hope that DH comes around soon enough. Try to maybe drop it for a while and then if by some chance he does come up with the idea then you can jump at it. Either that or get the pin out into those condoms

  6. #6

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    You're both in this together and he may have very valid reasons for feeling the way he does. I can completely understand your yearning for another baby but I can also understand why your DH might not be so keen. It is tough bringing up kids these days and maybe he is concerned about how you are both going to provide for your family long term (I don't just mean financially). The emotional investment with children is quite often more daunting as you know ... everyone just wants the best for their kids.

    You never know ... he may change his mind in a few years but if not, you still have your two lovely girls to be proud of.

    Good luck with everything.

  7. #7

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    I can imagine how upsetting this would be ...but try not to let it dominate your days...in saying that I dont know if I could take my own advise!. But I am a true believer in the the fact that the universe will had us whatever we are meant to have in life.

    I am sure if you just enjoy your DH and two beautiful princesses he will come around and see how wonderful it would be to have another one!

  8. #8

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    I wanted another baby too but as Asha has gotten older I am pretty sure we won't be having another one. Ryan is not that interested in anymore kids ... I think deep down I would still like another one and have not given up all hope but ...

    Good luck ... no advice really other than to let things play out for a while and see how it goes.

    Cheers

  9. #9

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    Poppet - you have quite a small age gap between your girls, maybe it's just still a bit overwhelming to him. Perhaps if there is a couple of years gap (so when your girls are going off to kindy/school he might be ready to tackle the newborn issue again.

    Good luck!

  10. #10

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    I guess I agree and say, wait it out and see what happens. I've not experienced this problem as my DH was eager to have more as soon as Faith was born. Wait it out, he might come around. Best of luck

  11. #11

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    I would say dont push the issue as it will only make him dig his heels in more. I found when I wanted #1 i had to let him go and he made up his mind in his own time.
    I also want #2 but DH isnt ready so I will wait and see how it goes.
    We should be lucky with what we have however some people want a large family and I am sure that you and DH will come to a mutual agreeement.

  12. #12
    NewmumLou Guest

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    Maybe he just needs time, an 8 month old is a handful and maybe just wait until this child is a little more independant and then start the hints again. Once he sees that your two girls are growing up he may even want a third. All the best

  13. #13

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    Hi!

    Good luck! I don't have any advice...I'm sure I'll be having this argument with dh in a couple of years though...he's certain we're only having 2 and I'd like more...

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