I wasn't sure if I should put this into the gentle parenting or here, I decided here since I don't think my parenting style is completely the 'gentle approach'.

Now I know that there have been several threads about this recently, but I think this is a little different in what I want to know.....DH and I don't agree on how we discipline. He thinks that corporal punishment (ie smacking) is ok and I don't like it.

I really make a huge effort not to do it and when I do I am the one that ends up in tears...DD usually just smacks me back, LOL! DH is very respectful of my wishes and very very rarely smacks DD. I have smacked her alot more in the past few weeks than he ever has.

She is becoming very testing and assertive and is determined to get what she wants. I have no patience at all and am on a very short wick at the moment. When she pushes, unfortunately I have been losing my temper, which is usually a rare thing, and have smacked her several times for things that definately does not warrant a smack (I do believe there is a time and place for a smack occaisionally, though usually talking and explaining is my preferred method, especially for typical toddler behaviour). But being so heavily pg and fairly house bound, my emotions are getting the better of me!

Anyway thats not the point. Tonight, and lately, DH got very frustrated and short tempered with both me and DD. He's over her antics- getting behind the heater (not when it's on!), tipping out her food/water onto the table at meal times (usually only with him), emptying cupboards/drawers if she can get into them...blah blah blah... He told me that talking to her isn't working and he wants to smack her.

I tried to tell him that it just doesn't work, as my recent experiences with smacking usually end with her smacking me back and telling me off too, like I do to her not to mention me in tears and having no effect on the outcome, she will just repeat the behaviour. He has been yelling at her and telling her things like she's a devil and other things (I can't think of right now!) that I find to be emotionally damaging. Even though she's only a baby, she understands tone of voice and if it continues as she gets older she will understand the words too. Having been emotionally damaged by my dad and step dad, I think this is worse than smacking! He asked me to justify it cause he can't see this method working, which is a fair enough request.

As an early chilhood teacher, I have read alot of material on this topic and know in my mind the hows and whys of it all. I have alot of books and written stuff on it too, but it's all int he garage in boxes and I won't be getting it out!! And I would have to go through it all and research for him and give him specific things to read, which also is not going to happen at the mo. And in my over-being-preggi- brain state, I haven't been so great at explaining it all to DH.

So can you give me some good reasons why NOT to smack DD. She is very willful and clever and knows how to get our goats! She knows what works on me and what works on him. Like the fact I don't care if she tips her food out onto the floor, but it drives DH bananas, so usually only does it for him. Like most toddlers she's very cluey. How can I explain that by remaining calm CONSISTENTLY she will probably stop it in a week or so.
I hope I haven't just confused everyone and that this ramble makes some sense....Please help me be clearer for him to understand my reasons!