Awww, Shelby, I feel for you! DS is a 'high maintenance' kid too. I spend a lot of playdates looking longingly at the other children playing with their toys BY THEMSELVES, gurgling and laughing, and here's DS, clinging to me and screaming in tears. I thought that it was 'a phase' too and that once he got a little older, a little more socialised, more mobile, a better understanding of what we were saying etc, that things would improve. Nup!

Actually, that's not quite right. DS is now 22 months and I have noticed some small improvements. When other children are around, we can sometimes get through a play date with no tears. He still clings like a limpet, but the tears have decreased. I still spend almost every moment entertaining him but I am ever-so thankful for that 2 minutes, maybe twice a day, when he'll play 'by himself' (i.e. more than 1m away from me. I still have to be in sight, but he's not actually attached). He stopped screaming his head off at nappy change time at about 18 months, so hang in there. Now we get tears because he doesn't want to take his clothes on/off (I thought it was tricky when he was younger, but he can make it a whole lot more difficult now, lol!)

Here are some of my coping strategies and things I've figured out:
1. He picks up on whenever I feel 'out of control'. If I show that I'm annoyed/upset by his behaviour, it makes it way worse. So, it's a calm voice, happy, happy here (fake it 'til you make it). If I'm really losing it, walk away for a couple of minutes.
2. Don't use the bed for time out when he's upset. That means that the cot becomes associated with him being upset/angry and bedtime becomes a bigger hassle. Use a playpen or whatever so he's somewhere safe and go ahead and scream into your pillow! Rather than say no all the time, just give the direction/distraction e.g. 'Be gentle with Mummy' and take his hand and show him how it's done when he scratches you. Exaggerate how happy you feel when he's gentle/playing nicely (or, the mother of all prizes, playing by himself!!!)
3.Nappy/change time. Have a 'special toy' or song to sing or play (saves your voice) for change time. When he gets older he can choose his own toy (this made a real difference to DS). If it gets too hard, stop and come back to it later if you can - it's not worth you getting upset over. DS runs around with 1/2 outfit on for awhile most days. When he gets a little older you can explain why he needs a clean nappy/shirt (I tell DS we don't want to get his PJ's dirty, or we're going out, or it's bath time etc).
3. Entertaining/playing with/distracting. Aw man, this is HARD! Some days go so slowly because each activity works for 1 minute or so, and then it's onto the next thing. DS used to love 'reading' the junk mail with me - he'd pull it apart, I'd maybe read 1 or 2 pages! He could look for stuff he recognised, we could tear it up and throw it or scrunch it up etc Soft balls are good too - find a wall he can throw it at so it comes back and you don't have to chase it everywhere. Stuff to bang is good too - even a wooden spoon on the floor works. Keep playing with his toys with him - all that interaction improves his understanding so when you talk to him about stuff he knows what's going on. Outside play is good too - can you rake a pile of leaves up for him to play in? Have some music on in the background sometimes. Towers - blocks, books, toilet rolls, boxes etc You build, he knocks 'em down!
4.Think of the positives! DS has never 'gotten into' anything because he's never been alone in his life! DS's understanding is out of this world because I'm ALWAYS talking to him. Any break you get is that much sweeter because you don't get it often.
5. When he's asleep, take the first 15-20 minutes for you. Forget the housework, everything else and do something you want to do - read a mag, coffee, phone a friend, watch some TV etc This is YOUR time and you deserve it. This made a huge difference to me because I used to feel quite resentful that I never got to do anything I wanted to during the day.
6. Organise the rest of your life. Plan your meals so they're prepared when DS is asleep. Do the stuff you really can't do when DS is awake. I put the clothes in the lounge so that I can fold when DS is awake (we make a game out of the folding - whooshing the clothes over his head, dressing him up etc) - sometimes only half gets folded or stuff gets unfolded again, but so what?! Putting the clothes on the line was fun for DS, so I'd always do that when he was awake, but I'd make sure it was ready to go while he was asleep because carrying it out there with DS was a nightmare!
7. Get DP onside. Talk to him about how it makes you feel and tell him he can talk to you too, but that it's not OK to talk about your son so negatively as that just adds to your sh%@! Maybe he can have some time on his own with DS, once a week, even if it's just for 1/2 hour. Then you can return the favour.
8. Get out and about. I used to avoid going places because having a screaming child is embarrassing but, you know what, I needed that human interaction too. I needed to see that there's a world out there. Go to the library, playgroup, the park, a walk, Mainly Music, swimming etc And the hassle to get organised is worth it.

I don't have any advice about the physical stuff or the sleeping as DS is a gentle soul and awesome sleeper, but I do feel for you. I hope that you can reframe how you think about your DS as that's what made the biggest difference to me - looking at the positives and working hard to act positive, it's definitely rubbed off on DS. A little! Hope your coffee was good too!