Do you kids have to be on you/with you/ near you ALL the time??

[aussienic]

yes... DD always seems to be sitting on one of us or following us everywhere. The boys aren't as bad but if we are all watching tv or something then they are right on top of us...

[deletedit]

I think with age they may grow out of it...and who knows, you maybe become like me and start following them......

I'm still waiting for mine to grow out of a whole list of stuff. Some she has, some she hasn't.

I have one of each kind of kid. My toddler is extraordinarily good at keeping herself entertained, and since she worked out how to open the fridge, the back door and the car she barely needs us at all. Her catchcry at the moment is "NO. I doing it by MYSELF" and you know about it if you invade her personal space or worse, try and help her with something. Miss Independant eat your heart out.

Other one (who is almost TEN) is constantly bored and alarmingly bad at keeping herself entertained. She needs to be around people all the time. If she does play alone she has to show you what she's doing every few minutes (yes, I timed, she's better now but she used to not be able to stick with anything without talking for more than 7 minutes), or at the very least she has to be within shouting distance of you so she can shout what she's doing. It drives me completely bonkers that she can't even watch TV by herself without yelling about it constantly. She can't even read a book without telling us what is happening in it. Fortunately she has discovered we live about a block from several of her friends so she visits them a lot, and of course she's in school most of the time. I'm really looking forward to her hitting puberty and starting to keep secrets, although with her past track record I have a feeling I'm going to get the blow by blow minutea of everything she does with boys.

The baby doesn't count in this discussion, he's a 3 months old velcro baby and he's only happy if the milk bar is within his sight

[willow5]

DS 10 months is definitely permanently attached to me! I can relate to the helping with toilet paper, or hanging off my legs while I try to make something to eat in the kitchen, sometimes if I put him in his high chair so he can see what I'm doing he'll be happy but usually that's not good enough he has to be on me. I still haven't mastered buttering bread/toast with one hand, any tips??
He is now asleep in his cot the first time in ages he has let me put him down to sleep, so I am writing this post with out him grabbing at the keyboard and mouse or shutting the computer down lol
I nearly dropped him into the washing machine yesterday trying to reach the last of the washing, I guess I really should have had him in the ergo
Yes it is driving me INSANE! But I have to go back to work in 5 weeks and I'm dreading it!!!! As much as I want 10mins to myself, I really don't want to leave him for that long, so I feel a bit pathetic being so nuts about him being on me 24/7 I feel like I should be enjoying it, but it's still making me crazy

[MrsFabuloso]

Oh yes, I often have 'help' with going to the toilet too....four little eyes watching me pee, four little hands trying to help me wipe....four little hands trying to close the toilet lid the moment my butt is off it...twenty little fingers trying to push the soap dispenser for me to wash my hands....you get the picture. DS almost shut the toilet lid on DH the other day as he was peeing....lol, that was a rather funny moment! Made me glad I have to sit until I finish peeing, lol!!
I expect babies to be pretty well attached to me all day, up until about 18ish months or so, then they should be able to play for 5ish mins on their own I think! In increasing blocks of time!! At least be in the same room and be doing something other than what you're doing, like building or something while you are making the bed or tidying up or what ever, but my kids have to be 'helping' or sitting on me or nattering at me. Or they just stand there and watch. Especially DD.
But you know what the upside is, today is Wednesday....for me that is the most wonderful marvellous magnificent day of the week.....my kids go to childcare and I can do as I please for 7glorious hours!!!

[Bathsheba]

Mine have all gone through this. I have a theory that it's worse the more stressed out i am. You would think that a child that you have just yelled at to PLEASE GET OFF ME FOR A FEW MINUTES!!! would cower away and want to leave mummy alone. They don't. They do the opposite.

From what i have read it's a primitive survival instinct to stay close to mumma if mumma is agitated. Ok so picture Mumma CaveWoman out gathering nuts and berries in the forest... Mumma Cavewoman senses danger and is agitated. No words need to be spoken... CaveChild knows from past experience that danger usually follows soon after Mumma is agitated. So they learn to stay close. If Mumma is relaxed, calm and content then the Cavekids know from past experience that all is well and they should be able to roam freely and explore. This is the law of nature.... humans are animals so why wouldn't it follow that our kids have the same survival instincts as other animals? Like said, just my theory.

A few years ago my chronic thyroid condition was bad... it affected my moods and i felt the heat sooo bad... the last thing i wanted was a child clinging onto me all the time... my youngest, i think, responded to my agitation by being clingy. He is getting better though now that i am am more relaxed and feeling the cold! I wouldn't mind a child to get some extra warmth from these days! LOL

I could be totally wrong... this just outlines my sitch and my theory... i have lots of theories though LOL

Good luck! Maybe act like everything is ok in your forest (even though you might still feel a bit stressed about other stuff) and they might feel ok about scampering off to play

ETA: I read your post and i hear you that they also seem to stop what they are doing when they are playing and everything is ok... until you leave the room. Have you tried leaving for a very short stint then returning? Doing it for increasingly long periods a bit like controlled crying (hesitant to give that as an example because i don't do it personally)... but YKWIM? just nip out for a sec... return... nip out for two secs... return etc... until they couldn't be bothered following and trust that you'll return?

[MrsFabuloso]

Bathsheba, I have tried everything, from sneaking off out of the room, to saying 'I'm just going to....(whatever/wherever)'. DD will up and follow me without hesitation, even if she is playing with her most prized possession, even if they are happily doing something together or eating or.....anything!!! She is in my armpit alllll day. DS does it only because she does. The other day DD fell asleep late for her day nap(about 3pm) and DS was up and about on his own with me. He was quite happy to be in the toy room building with the wooden blocks, he had a snack without me sitting next to him. I just checked in on him occaisionally, he saw I was there, would say 'Look I build!' and that was that he was fine on his own. It made me feel more like actually sitting with him and playing because he wasn't depending on me to be there to interact with him, kwim? With DD I have to make an effort to do it because she's so dependant on it, like she can't do it without me and she aaalllways ends up ON me. Touching me, in my space, in my face. Makes me reluctant to want to be with her. But at day care the teachers tell me she's so independant. She will run from me when we get there, she's not overly attached, we don't have separation anxiety or anything. That's why I struggle with it at home. She drives me bonkers!!!!!
I don't understand it either because she has never really had separation anxiety for me. She is confident and happy when we go out, she makes friends with strangers in the park (kids, lol!) she is an independant child. I give both of my kids lots of cuddles and kisses in the day, DD and I snuggle on the lounge together of a night, we read stories, I talk to her about her day....she gets lots of attention otherwise. I try to reason with her, tell her I need space or I just want to go to the toilet or whatever it is and I won't be long, I will be back in a few mins. She still follows...arrrgggh!! She probably just does it to annoy me....I can't think of another reason!

[Bathsheba]

I must be hard But she isn't doing it to annoy you. I'm fairly certain of that. It just seems that way. Please try to eliminate that reason otherwise you'll really start to resent her and not her actions. Does she have any other behavioural issues that you think are unusual for her age? Are you the only person whose space she constantly invades? I'm no expert but I'm sure there are strategies to help children of her age to respect your physical boundaries. Maybe ask her day care teachers for some ideas? Rest assured she will grow out of this and within 10 years you'll be lucky to get a hug from her if she follows the path of most teenagers. In the meantime look for some strategies. And remember to "catch her being good!" the minute you catch her sitting by herself say "Thankyou darling for not sitting on me today... sometimes it's uncomfortable. I'll let you know when I need a hug though". what you need to achieve is to get her seeking your approval instead of demanding a connection that is invading your space.

[trishalishous]

I think that its a normal part of development for some kids, although infuriating!
My nieces are 4.5 and only now becoming more independant.