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Thread: Dragging your baby off to a party with you??????

  1. #1

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    Default Dragging your baby off to a party with you??????

    I am just curious as to what other parents think about this topic.

    I have a friend who just does not get it (she has no children of her own yet).
    She keeps inviting me to an alcohol, smoke filled, noisy party environment, and wants me to take my 8 month old along. I keep saying no, and she responds with "he has got to get used to it" so that hubby and i can get out and "have a life". (I do have a life, a life with a DS & DH)

    My precious son has a great sleeping routine, bath 7.00, bottle and bed 8.00 and doesnt wake til 7.00am.

    I think it is extremely unfair to drag him out all hours of the night (as i refuse to do), and expect him to try to sleep in an unfamiliar house, let alone that sort of environment. I would rather see him have a good night sleep, safe and warm in his cot at home than to be dragged out to a party that he couldnt possibly enjoy. This was the life that i grew up with having alcoholic parents, needless to say, i hated it and dont want that for my son.

    I am interested in other parents thoughts and views. How do i get her to understand, or am i a prude??


  2. #2

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    I certainly wouldn't take Yasin to the kind of party that you are describing but I do take him to a few BBQs and small gatherings and he really seems to enjoy the chance to meet new people and be a bit social. Even when he was just a teeny baby he seemed to enjoy himself. I usually try and get him to sleep in a quiet room not too much later than his usual time because if he stays up too late it throws out his routine for the next few days. It can be a bit difficult if MIL is around because she tends to put her needs ahead of Yasin's so she keeps him awake for her own entertainment if I let her . We also take him out to dinner/lunch/brekky with us - its a bit harder now he's a toddler but I figure that if we let him know whats expected from the start its easier than trying to teach him later. Also we don't have many baby sitting options so if we don't take him we don't eat out. Its going to be interesting to see how we cope with two!!!

  3. #3

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    It really annoys me that some people think that having a "life" means going out to a pub etc and drinking. Having a life is what you make of it. To me being a parent is having a life. No you are not a prude, just a good caring mum. Only do what you feel comfortable doing.

  4. #4

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    It all depended on the situation for us. If we were invited to a friends house where I knew there was somewhere for the kids to sleep, then we had no problems with going, but then none of our friends are the loud music/loud parties type. Lindsay also had the same routine as your DS and we found he could sleep anywhere anyway. We were at out local pub once (mind you a busy night is 8 people staying until 11pm LOL) and someone decided to put the jukebox on and he slept right though, although we did leave soon after that anyway.

    I totally understand why you don't want to do this to your son, so just pick and choose your 'parties' as such and only go when you know the environment will be better IYKWIM? If your friend wants you to go out, can you arrange a babysitter for the night, that way you can go out but DS still gets to keep his routine?

  5. #5

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    There is no way I would ever consider taking Aidyn out to that sort of party... I just wouldnt do it.
    There were a few events & gatherings over Christmas that we attended, which went until after his bedtime, however they were more family BBQ type gatherings, with other kids around. Although there would have been some alchohol and quiet music.
    As a rule I try to avoid taking him out past his bedtime more than necessary, as it can make the experience very un-enjoyable for myself when I have to spend hours settling a screaming and unsettled baby/toddler, when everyone else around me is socialising and having fun.

    I guess it really depends what you like to do as a person.
    Me and DP are homebodies anyway, and dont really have a raging social life... if it was more important to us, then we would probably have tried to adapted Aidyn a bit better to suit that lifestyle... though having said that I would still never take him to a loud, smoky party!

    Are you able to get someone to babysit for you whilst you go to your friends party?

  6. #6

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    Thanks
    Its nice to know that other people have the same views as myself. I do much prefer to go to lunchtime BBQs etc, and spend my nights at home with DS. We are homebodies too. We do have the very occasional night out for Dinner to a resturant, but home quite early, around 8.30. I am 33 and just way over parties. I find that friends with children seem to be much more understanding in this situation, than friends who dont. I guess when they become parents, they too will understand just how precious little ones are.

  7. #7

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    same. i wouldnt take jackson to that kind of paty. apart from anything else, if i did, i wouldnt be able to relax, especially if people i didnt know where ther as well. i would constantly be checking on him, and wouldnt enjoy the night anyway.

    we of course take him to family parties and things like that where the houses and the people there are baby friendly, if they are not, and they don't understand that, then no question, we don't go.

    are you comfortable leaving bubs with a sitter sometimes so you can go out to a party or whatever just to have a night off? if we do this, it is normally at our house so jackson can stick to his normal routine. i dont mean exactly to the minute, but just the general sort of times.

  8. #8

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    I have to say Im the kind of parent who would prefer my baby at home in bed. So if I do want to go somewhere, I would be getting someone to babysit. With DD 1 I never took her ot people's houses at night, she just WOULD not go to sleep (even at 6 years old), so if I ever went anywhere, I'd leave her with someone. Not only is it better for them, but it's nice to have a break and not have to worry!! xo

  9. #9

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    Don't be pressured or feel guilty. DH and I made the mistake of going to a New Years Eve party one week after our DD was born!!! We were young parents 24/27. And none of our friends had had children (most have by now and it's very interesting to see that they won't go out at all these days!). We were told to put our DD in the spare room (with the coats on the bed). I spent the whole party distracted and checking her every 5 minutes.... a total ridiculous selfish waste of time. I feel so ashamed now. Y'know I also kinda resent those same friends these days because they don't remember putting this kind of pressure on us. DH was in a band with some of them too and always made to feel bad if he said he couldn't keep leaving me at home with our baby while he was out having fun. Lo and behold as soon as these friends had babies the band folded. Pfft. I get so cross when this kinda thing happens. :fuming: Still, we are stronger, more assertive people for it all.

  10. #10
    Melinda Guest

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    Personally I wouldn't do it either. I don't feel that parties are appropriate places for babies. I think that family-based gatherings etc are different, but even still, we will always arrange things around Jacob's needs. His needs come first and we really believe that babies need that safety and comfort of their own surroundings to sleep - particularly for their big overnight sleep. So if we need to go out, we are always home by Jacob's bedtime.

  11. #11

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    Well I think at some point you will go out and deal with it - but certainly not where there is smoke, raucous people, adn you feel uncomfy.
    About the only party we took Jenna to was a 30th, and it was in a hall - REALLY loud DJ, but everyoneelse was pretty tame. She had a smalldance, but at 6months, she was rubbing her eyes by 8pm. We put her to sleep in the pram, and left about 9:30. She woke up, had a small bottle of EBM and then we put her to bed by about 10:30 and she slept through the longest she has ever done.

    Still - I reckon you have to be comfortable and be in a place you have support. No good going to a party when you are the one not enjoying yourself cause noone is giving you a break!

    We also went to 2 weddings within 2 weeks of each other. At one nooneat our table was interested in helping us, and we couldn't get Jenna to sleep. It was horrible, had a crappy timeand left early.
    At the other, EVERYONE wanted to help, she had a ball, we ate dinner without her on our lap, and she conked out in the bassinnette beside our feet. Slept through the speeches, cheers and dancing music. I guess it all depends on your support at the party.

    So dont feel bad for not wanting to get her in a bad place, but dont feel like the routine is the thing driving your whole existance. Does that make sense? If its only a couple of days and your baby is back into routine - will it do any harm? But if you think thereis any chance of danger or bad uncomfy-ness - dont bother. It wont be worht it.

    Fi

  12. #12
    Debbie Lee Guest

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    Hmmm... well... I'm not sure if the parties we have been to are that bad, but Gabby has been to quite a few.

    I guess the difference is, we weren't home-bodies to begin with so we do feel like we are missing out in a small way if we always stay home for the sake of Gabby's routine.

    Most of the parties we have been to are really just back-yard type things anyway. NYE we were out until 1:30am at our friend's place around the corner. Gabby slept in her pram and we walked home. I gave her a bottle when we got home, put her to bed and she slept until 8am. I guess we are lucky that she is kind of flexible like that.

    I have noticed it is getting harder as she gets older tho. Last night we were out for dinner and by 9pm she was unbearable and just wouldn't go to sleep. So I brought her home. Sometimes it's just not worth the hassle.

    We have had a couple of parties that have been at venues that I would rather just not take Gabby to. Those times Mum has looked after her overnight at her place or at our place until we get home (I much prefer it when she stays at Mum's place tho... then I don't have to get up to her in the morning, LOL). In saying that, we've only really done it 2 or 3 times so it's not a regular occurance.

    Gabby doesn't really go to bed until around 9pm. Some nights it's earlier but for the most part it is later because it suits us better. As one of my friends with 3 kids said, you can get away with having a later routine with your first.

    We only go out once or twice a week past Gabby's bed time (some weeks not at all) and I don't think the occasional really late night will hurt them. In saying that, it's not worth doing if you are not 100% comfortable with it. Everyone is different and everyone brings their child up differently. Everyone copes differently with change and sometimes sticking to the routine is best for your sanity. You can't let other people dictate to you when and where you decide to take your child. I am lucky that Gab goes with the flow most of the time - I know other babies may not be so comfortable with such interruptions.

    It drove me crazy last night when people would look at Gabby and say, "Oh, what are you doing awake at this hour?" and it was only 8pm!! I wanted to tell them "She did have a massive 3 hour sleep today and only woke up at 4pm so she's not tired yet" but I know there's no point. People judge you no matter what you do!

  13. #13
    Stormi Guest

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    People without children of their own don't "get it". They think you can just carry on with your pre-baby life and don't understand babies have routines or they just say "get someone to look after them" and expect you to party until 4am when you have to be up 2 or 3 hours later for the baby.

    I take my baby and boys out to things like BBQ's at people's houses but it's usually just family and the smokers just smoke outside anyway. I wouldn't take them to a proper "party" where there is a house of drunk people, smoking, loud music etc. You also don't enjoy yourself as you are too busy making sure the baby is safe.

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