I've just read your 'what happened after' thread and you've been through, and are still processing so much. I had issues, although nowhere near the extent of yours, after birth which left me reeling. I cried for the first 3 weeks at anything and I also dreaded my DS waking up so I'd have to deal with him. I loved him, as you do your DS, but the thought of him waking and me having to deal with him when I felt I was hardly in control of myself was really overwhelming. You are not alone, nor is this anything to be ashamed of.

As for bonding with your baby, people often comment that my DS "only has eyes for me" so our rocky early start has not been detrimental. There is plenty of time to nurture the love between you, so don't put too much pressure on yourself and take care of you so you can then care for your DS.

I had my mother from interstate with us and she was a great support. Doing washing, letting me sleep when I asked her etc. As Tanstar suggested, do you have anyone you can call on for similar support? I think contacting the counsellor is a good idea, even if it is for reassurance that what you are feeling can be quite normal and will pass with time and support. It must seem all so hard atm but just take it step by step, and ask for help here or elsewhere, when you need it.