feel so guilty cause i actually WANT to put her in day care!

[Glamourcide]

Lol sorry for making you cry, honey!
I know, we all hear the horror stories about daycare centres on the news, but they are *so* rare - DD1 has been at daycare for over 12 months now and apart from one incident early on (a very mild case of sunburn, which was probably unavoidable because she's sooo fair like her mummy and daddy - I burn on the five-minute car ride to pick DH up from work in the afternoons, and that's with tinted windows wound up!), we've had absolutely no issues Her carers are wonderful ladies who always have a minute or two to listen, they do individual programs for each child according to their needs (eg if you mention that you want to start toilet-training or ABCs or whatever, they will help out with that at daycare to make your job a bit easier at home!), and DD1 is always glad to see me at the end of the day - chatters all the way home about what she did today, goes to bed early (yaaay!) and I feel like a much better mummy after being able to relax a little during the day

I just figure that the days when we were guaranteed family or friends close at hand to support us are gone - I have my parents but they both work and are away on weekends a lot so it's very hard for me to get them to watch the kids, and like I said, a lot of my friends are just in different places in their lives right now, so it really, really helps me to know I have daycare to lean on or look forward to when I'm having a particularly trying day I no longer feel any shame in admitting that I need the time to myself just as much as DD1 needs the interaction with others - I reckon if we were getting paid to be mums, we'd be on 7-figure salaries, it's that hard!

I'm glad we were able to make you feel a bit more at ease with your situation - there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with doing a bit of outsourcing here and there, and it's not as though the kids suffer if they are in a caring, friendly environment with kids they enjoy playing with and carers who are good at their jobs. Again, best of luck with whatever you decide to do, I hope I've been able to help a little!

[Astrid]

I read an article a while ago that suggest that childcare will soon be properly recognised as an extension of our "village" as the old village of friendly neighbours, grandparents, aunts etc down the road just don't exist for many of us anymore.

[beckoes]

You all gave me the kick up the bum i needed to knock the guilts out of me....well a little bit anyway!
I rang a place near us and im going to go in with dd for an afternoon and have a play, see what we think and if we both like it!! I was so worried cause DD feeds to sleep and i asked the lady how sleep time works and she said they have enough staff in the room to pat the kids to sleep if thats what they like! they sound so lovely but we will see.

Thats so true about not having the support groups that used to exist, i have no family atall in this country, DP only has his dad and he is in sydney. i tried to find like minded mothers around here but i think they are all at home on the computer chatting on BB

[BhoysGirl]

Hey Beckoes, just thought I'd add my 2c worth. I put DS into DC when he was about 15 months old. At that stage he was still having 3-4 feeds during the day, and was feeding to sleep. He wouldn't take milk from a bottle at all, it was BM or nothing. But I found that he coped with it really well (better than me ), missing his daytime feeds didn't upset him while he was at care, he just hung out for when we got home & made up for it then. And they didn't have problems getting him to sleep, as long as he had his teddy. Granted, I didn't ask exactly how they got him to sleep, just in case they were going to say cc, but he was generally always happy to be dropped off, and he certainly built quite an affection for his regular carers, so I figured that he was doing just fine with all of it. And I don't think they actually did CC, I think he just learnt that it was what he had to do & got on with it.

And the silly thing is that as hard as it was for me to put him into care (I had to, went back to work), I had to pull him out last week cos we moved across town, and I'm not driving 45 minutes just to keep him at the same centre, and on his last day, I bawled my eyes out, because I know how much he's loved it and I now feel like I've ruined his life....not really, I'm sure he'll recover, and we're looking into new places, so it's temporary, but still, going to miss the lovely girls who've looked after him so well.

[Trillian]

Thats so true about not having the support groups that used to exist, i have no family atall in this country, DP only has his dad and he is in sydney. i tried to find like minded mothers around here but i think they are all at home on the computer chatting on BB

Sometimes you have to build your village because for various reasons you don't have the 'automatic' village of family. And if that village building incorporates childcare then I think it's wonderful and she will only benefit from it. I'm another SAHM who never uses formal childcare but if I had to I would because I think that it can be vitally important to foster relationships like this kwim? And then when you do decide to go back to work, you've already taken half the stress out of the situation by having her comfortably settled in cc already. Good luck and let us know how it all goes!

[Megan]

Beckoes, I've just been through this with DS myself. I felt so guilty when I told DH I wanted to put DS in daycare for one day each week. I felt selfish, and worried about what others would think. I don't have any support nearby and it's hard work being a SAHM. I felt that I needed it for my own sanity and the extra stimulation and social side of things would be good for DS.

We started last Tuesday, so only early days but I feel so much better for it and energised when I go to pick him up... ready to take on the rest of the week! If you're both going to benefit from it, there's absolutely nothing to feel guilty about.

Good luck next week. Going in to check it out for an hour or so is a great opportunity to talk to the carers and see how they interact with the babies. We did it 3 times the week before he started

[mrscricket]

Bec - just wanted to say that I have also met a few mothers through my DS being in daycare. We will be in the supermarket and he will call out a name or I hear his name and it's one of his little friends, so naturally you have a chat with the mum.
I was another who put my DS into daycare for one day a week to have some 'me' time, although I ended up getting offered a work shift on the day and took it. He absolutely loves daycare and really helps with his social side, as well as getting to do lots of creative things and singing and dancing etc. It's been gorgeous seeing how many friends he has made and he is always so excited to tell me about them.It's also made him realise as a only child atm, that he is not the only child in this world and helped heaps with his sharing. Previously everything was 'mine!' but it's really improved since being at d/care.