Wakeful/high needs babies! Any advice on getting through?

[ticklish]

DS#2 has been a shocking sleep since birth and has had severe sleep issues - night and day and has been a very intense, high needs baby. It has been a very intense time for the whole family - need I say more?.

(At 8 months of age, we are starting to get some improvement but he is still erratic at night and as yet hasn't slept an entire night without a feed.) DS#2 is a baby that will not even fall asleep in the pram and will scream a shopping centre down if it is sleep time and he can't fall asleep - even with a cover on to block out stimulation. ATM he will only go to sleep in his cot, which means a lot of staying home and timing outings for awake time. Pain in the behind! But he is not very adaptable!

I know there are other mums here that have had the similiar issues and are interested in other perspective in dealing with wakeful, high needs and intense babies.

For me, improvement has come with establishing a routine by the clock even if he is not showing tired signs. This has been easier now that DS#2 is on three solid meals a day - before this it simply didn't work and I had six and half solid months without a break from the screaming.

(Oh - DS#2 is also an eczema baby and we have had to have this under control first before we had any improvement which has come in the form of a strict diet. His skin is looking wonderful. But as soon as he is uncomfortable - such as a flare-up or teething he is up screaming again!!)


What I would like to know is - How did you cope? Do you have any strategies that would help mums going through the same thing?

When did your baby settle down and let you have a good nights sleep?

If your wakeful baby wasn't your first, how did you find time for your other children? Did they eventually "fit" into the family routine?

If your wakeful baby is now a toddler/child/teenager/adult, did they turn out to be delightful at some stage?

Share your stories please,
TICKLISH

[Emma1979]

i could go on forever about how badly i struggled with my little dd, now almost 2, and my first bub... she was a terrible sleeper, she never slept during the day unless it was maybe a half hour here or there after alot of rocking and trying from me etc, even from birth.... we went for months where the only place she slept was on my chest, me on the couch holding her, all through the night.... she would wake so many times during the night and not go back to sleep for HOURS....

now she is turning 2 and 9 times out of 10 goes down in her cot like an absolute angel and says 'good night mummy'..... i never in a trillion years thought it would happen.... she usually does the same for her day sleeps and sleeps around 1.5-2hrs.....

i never thought i would survive and i never thought she would get better, and i am now TTC with number 2 and petrified of having another baby like this, as it sent me to hell and back with bad depression....

all the other babies in my mothers group slept very well at a young age, and i was pulling my hair out, now quite a few of them are holy terrors, and i enjoy my nights in front of the tele with my angel girl fast asleep in her room.....

the only thing i can say is to hang in there and wait it out.... it will get better eventually, but at the time i know it feels like an eternity...

[KatieRabbit]

I struggled with DD's sleep from the night we brought her home from hosp. I swear some nights the two of us just about went round the bend and I founds days rather difficult as I was very tired and exhausted and DD wasn't a great day sleeper. At about 9 months however things really really improved. All by itself! DD went to sleep at 7pm after a breastfeed and lo and behold didn't wake tp 7am! This is now still the case (at 14 months) and day sleeps vary in time and duration (sometimes none other times two naps).
I don't think I coped early on and I remember my sister saying to me that I didn't have to (cope, that is) which was a great comfort to me. I only have the one child so it may be diff with others. My coping mechanisms were to base lots of things around bubs- I stayed home heaps, didn't make appointments (even with friends) as I had to see how Dd's sleep went, I didn't do much around the house, DH did the grocery shopping etc. So basically I put things on hold as DD wouldn't sleep anywhere but at home and screamed plenty from overtiredness (which she was a lot of the time). Suffice to say, things are super now but it wasn't anything we 'did' as such. Sleep school was no use and we didn't CC as I don't like that and we tried many things but came to a good understanding that that's just how she was with her sleep.

[ticklish]

Thanks emma1979. I so know where you have been. The good news is that not all babies are like this but I understand how you would dread another baby like this.

My DS#1 was and still is an easy child. When I was pregnant with DS#2 I was told that there was no way my second would be so delightful by my mum - geez was I upset - but hell, she was right - gRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! Many people have said to me that when one is terror baby the next is often the opposite and vice versa - don't know if there are actually any stats on this.


"all the other babies in my mothers group slept very well at a young age, and i was pulling my hair out, now quite a few of them are holy terrors, and i enjoy my nights in front of the tele with my angel girl fast asleep in her room....."


This really made me smile . If DS#2 is only a holy terror as a baby then I guess I will be blessed.

TICKLISH

[ticklish]

Thanks for sharing your story katierabbit. Glad to hear that things can get better all by themselves. Seems that it takes a while for some babies to settle down. I am still waiting for that day to come when he sleeps through the night!!!! I have down the staying home thing to get the sleep happening, not done the shopping and not made appointments thing - geez it gets me down plus now school is back DS#1 has pre-school activities we need to fit in - which don't coincide with awake times.

And we really need a holiday but I am afraid that it will send him all out of wack again because a simple walk down to the shops sent him wacko yesterday because he couldn't and wouldn't sleep in the pram when it was sleep time and then was overtired by the time we got home but I had to get out of the house.

I did all the baby wearing, co-sleeping too and even that didn't work. Because he wouldn't sleep in the pram - I took him to the shops when he was little in the sling - having a thrashing screaming baby in the sling was pretty embarrassing and then there is all the comments and unsolicited advice from the old biddies!!


TICKLISH

[Esme]

My DS sleep started to improve around the 9-10 month mark too. He started to go down for regular daysleeps (same time each day) and started to sleep through the night. Before that I would work around his sleeps as he too didn't sleep anywhere else but in his cot and screams when he is overtired. It has only been just recently that I have been trying to keep him up during his naptime as we had to go to a christening and he coped surprisingly well. But since he is my first, I didn't have to work around other kids. Could you maybe organise someone to stay home with DS2 when he is asleep while you take DS1 to his after school activities? Bit difficult to organise maybe... Don't have any advise, just wanted to let you know that it does get better and give you a big !

And, by the way, DS is a delightfull little bub now he no longer fights his sleep as much as he used to. He is much happier and so am I!!! Hang in there, hope his sleep will improve soon!!

[ticklish]

Thanks for sharing your story Esme - I am still waiting for things to get better at night - day time is not too bad but I am still so so so so so so so very very exhausted by the night time waking.

The drs just say he is a difficult baby but he will get better one day, like your son. So happy to know that he has become a delightful boy - there is hope. In the meantime, I will probably just collapse from the exhaustion.

No, there is no one around to help. I would love it if I had a supportive family who could take the pressure off and even help when I need to duck out and pick up DS#1. ATM I just have to wake up DS#2 to go and get DS#1 - it feels so horrible waking up a baby who has had severe sleep issues. He usually ends up really really grumpy and we all get frazzled from the intense screaming.

TICKLISH

[lestyrox]

Oh gosh i'm so glad i found this thread. My boys are exactly the same..both wouldn't/wont sleep anywhere but their beds and shopping is a nightmare. DS1 is 2 1/2 now and he's FINALLY a nice little boy when we go out but the first 2 years of his life were hell. He still has major tanties and ATM we're having issues with him fighting his day sleeps but he is SO much better then he used to be.
Now however i'm going through the same thing with DS2- so there's the theory that the second one is nice out the window! Everyday seems to be a bad day lately..i've just spend the last 1 1/2 trying to get him to sleep and finally i had to just shut the door and let him cry. I cried the whole time too and it brakes my heart to hear him upset but i'm at my wits end and just don't know what to do with him he's 4.5months now and out of that time we've had probably 2 weeks where he's actually slept and settled fairly well. Just recently we've started him on solids (please no judgement, it was a hard decision to make but i did make the decision and i'm happy with it) because he was feeding every 2-3hours (sometimes nearly every hour on rough nights) round the clock for nearly 6 weeks and i just couldn't keep up physically or mentally.
I'm not a depressive person but these last 4.5months have really gotten me down. We do have good moments but by the end of the day i'm just so drained by it all. I've been thinking about ringing tressillian but part of me thinks whats the point? My boys don't seem to follow the baby/toddler 'rules' and i feel like any advice will be pointless. I know thats silly and i have to talk to someone but i just feel like no one knows what its like to have such high needs kids...until i found this thread! Its good to know i'm not going through this alone.
So how do you all cope? how do yo get through each day and still manage to smile and look forward to the next day? I'm sorry to sound like such a downer, today has just gotten to me.
Thanks

[KatieRabbit]

Lestyrox- I would really urge you to go to Tressilian. They have seen many in your situation and they would be a big help I am sure. I took my DD to our versionof Tresillian (here in WA) and they were just fantastic. They didn't perform miracles but talking to the nurses there was just fantastic and wer a huge help to me and DH. I know you are tired (and rightly so with a new bub) but you sound like you need some support to help you and there is no shame in getting help. What haveyou got to lose by calling them and making an appt? Do you need to see a GP first fro a referral? It is so important to get support and they are so understanding. They take each case individually and there are no rules that they try and get your baby to obey and they will only suggest what you are comfortable with.
Ticklish- what do you think of going somewhere like Tresillian? Just a suggestion as I honestly know how tough things get....

[min]

I definately sympathise as both my boys have been shocker sleepers. Jackson (who we have since found out has and ASD) didn't start sleeping through the night until he was 18 months. He would waker regularly through the night, but would usually just need his dummy or even me to pretend to tuck him in and he would go right back to sleep - he just needed the reassurance. During the day when I would put him down for naps he would only ever nap for 20 minutes and would never go back to sleep so that was very tiring and difficult to get a break and some alone time.

Leo is 21 months now and I took him for a weeks stay at sleep school when he was 14 months because he was still on 3 bottles a night and waking constantly in between - I was at my witts end - exhausted & totally depressed!! I thought Jackson was hard work until Leo came along!! A lot of the problem with Leo was that I would rush into him straight away at night when he stirred so he didn't disturb Jackson as at 3 Jackson was just starting to become a really good sleeper!! Sleep school was amazing, best thing I did. The nurses were fantastic, taught me how to read his cries more and determine what was a distressed cry as opposed to an angry cry etc, and to listen for pausing in the crying. If a baby is pausing, they are still in control of themselves. They never made me do anything I was not comfortable doing and were there with me everytime Leo cried through the night. One nurse said she had never met a baby as strong willed and stubborn as Leo - haha!! Once I got home from sleep school it took another 2 weeks of applying the same routine and Leo was sleeping through the night.

He still wakes early at 5am, which in turn wakes Jackson and they both end up in our bed not doing much sleeping, but is way better than the alternative!!

I think a lot of bad sleepers will always be bad sleepers, but it does calm down to a certain extent where you start to feel human again. How did I cope? A wonderful husband that would let me get lots of rest, help with the housework and bedtime routines every night even after he had worked a full day and gave me every Friday night off altogether to go out and do whatever I wanted while he struggled with trying to get them both to sleep before I got home!!