For the parents who have had trouble getting their bub to self settle in the past or recently,
How long did it take for your bub to self settle without too much trouble?
Oh my god its hard, since day dot bub hasnt self settled but its just gotton to the point where i cant let her suckle on me all night.
Please give me hope!!!
Bella would not settle by her self till about 4 mths, I just started by putting her down in her cot give her her dummy and kiss her and say night night and leave - I would come back in 30 seconds if she was fussing - give her her dummy again and keep doing it - ONLY IF SHE WAS NOT UPSET. So now I will only have to go back in 2ce and she drifts off to sleep.
I think the key is to do it when you know they are tiered (rubbing eyes, tiered signs) and she was in a good mood - if she was grumpy or not happy and crying (over tired) then I would rock her to sleep.
It takes time but now she is very very good at it.
Dont want to be a wet blanket but our DD would not self settle as a newborn, or as a baby... and she still doesnt now! She is now 4!
As a newborn, the ONLY way i got sleep was if she slept in the bed with us, so this started co-sleeping. During the day was just always a challenge as she would not self settle. I fed her to sleep, and i would have from an hour to maybe 2 then she would be awake again.
Now, she is much the same. Generally will not go to bed without one of us with her, and even then most of the time its in our bed, and thats where she stays.
*yawn* its been a long 4 years.... lol we have just grown to accept its just her. She obviously needs this...
I was once told that some children are just not good sleepers. That one day (when they are generally in mid- late primary) will become good sleepers, but until then arent. Its just how it is. Some kids are amazing from day dot! lol
Um, sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but my DS is just over 17 months and doesn't self settle. He was almost self settling by about 4 months, then started teething and everything completely went out the window and he's never self settled since. We keep saying that we'll start introducing a sleep routine but then something else happens (usually more teeth) and it never happens. We figure it will happen eventually, and for the most part it suits us (although I am a little envious of those who just pop their babies into their cots and come back later when they awake).
But, to give you hope, it's not always bad news if they don't self settle. DS will sleep almost anywhere, because he will either feed or be rocked in a pram to sleep.
Have you read The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley? There may be some ideas in that which help your bub learn to self settle, and from what I understand, the earlier these techniques are implemented, the easier it can be for bubs to adapt to (especially before they are mobile).
ETA: I'll agree with Papillon that some kids just seem to have difficulty sleeping, just as adults do. I was a 'bad' sleeper as a baby and insomniac as a child and adult, my DP is a very restless and light sleeper so there may be a genetic component to sleep.
Yep - I'm the bearer of bad news too DS is 23 months old and still needs one of us with him to go to sleep. It has changed over time from fed to sleep, rocked to sleep and now just lying next to him. He also strokes our elbow as he goes to sleep We start him in his own bed in his own room but he than comes into our bed on his first waking after we go to bed (he wakes multiple times a night). We have been rooming in / co-sleeping since birth.
DD is just over 4 months and she has already fallen asleep on the floor (DS has NEVER done that) and talks herself to sleep. She is a different baby and *may* self settle much sooner than DS. She rooms in with us bed sleeps in a side car cot.
Ds doesn't self-settle. I wouldn't have him any other way! I love our special time together at bedtime. It only takes 10 minutes for him to go to sleep once the lights are out (after bath and story and prayers) - I love having him go to sleep holding my hand, with me singing a lullaby I made up or telling him how much I love him. It's great to have that time!
At 3-4m I would have loved him to self-settle. But now I see the positives of him not doing so and I'm so much more relaxed about it and enjoy it more.
I also love bed rather than cot - 5.30 this morning I could just call "come through here darling" and have DS totter through and was lifted into bed, back to sleep for another 2 hours. Result. I stay warm.
At 6.5 months our little man is hit and miss. Sometimes he can settle himself sometimes he can't. I used to stress and loose more sleep over it but now I figure i will roll with him. I give him an opportunity to try after all everything needs to be learnt but sometimes it just ain't happening for him.
I am guessing he enjoys the comfort. Sometimes he likes the breast other times it's a cuddle or a rock and then other times nothing!
I would say they get better at it over time, IF you want them to, and show them the way.
I actively had to help DD (using the most gentle method I could) at about 12 weeks, but it has taken about a month of persistance to get to the point where she just goes int the cot, eyes open, no crying and is off to sleep.
The question is, how badly do YOU want it to happen, because your bubba is probably really happy with the way things are. I found the no cry sleep solution helpful, but in the end I had to be more strict and let her whinge/cry a bit at bed times.
I can give you an idea on what I did if you're interested?
Last edited by Arcadia; May 8th, 2009 at 04:56 PM.
All mine have learnt to self settle and started out as SHOCKERS> DD1 learnt at 8 months after trip to tresillian. DD2 was 4 months, I just started by deciding when she went to bed she didnt' get up again, so basically lots of patting. Then with DS he doesn't self settle yet, BUT as of last week I decided I couldn't feed him to sleep all the time so I wrap him, put him in cot and leave him until he starts crying, then I go in and pat. If he doesnt go off I walk out for a few minutes then start again. ONly took 2 tries and now he will go to sleep with patting. Not self settling, but he is going to sleep from awake in his cot.
Doesn't stay asleep long necessarily and sometimes it takes three goes (of patting, falling asleep, waking up after 2 mins, repeat) but that's ok. I found it the same with the others and eventually they'll get the drift. And this way is very gentle as you're with them most of the time.
good luck xo
PS At night I feed and then put DS in the hug a bub at about 7pm and then transfer him after an hour. So nights are slightly different, but it means hes' in the deep part of his sleep cycle xo
Oh wow, this is so not the response I was imagining! All I want is an easy-fix... but it seems like they dont exist in the magical land of baby.
Thank you to everyone who responded.
Anna,that would be great if you could PM me details on what technique you used for your bub.
DD1 was self-settling around 6 months - she never took a dummy or anything and she was sleeping through from about 7 months. She is a very good sleeper still and takes herself off to bed without fuss.
DD2 is very sucky and is also fed to sleep (like DD1) but she has just discovered her thumb! She is self- settling with that and I am amazed. Different things work for different babies though so try a variety of techniques and work out what works for you.
How long did it take your baby(self settle)
Reply With Quote
DS is 23 months old and still needs one of us with him to go to sleep. It has changed over time from fed to sleep, rocked to sleep and now just lying next to him. He also strokes our elbow as he goes to sleep 
We start him in his own bed in his own room but he than comes into our bed on his first waking after we go to bed (he wakes multiple times a night). We have been rooming in / co-sleeping since birth. 
Bookmarks