This has got to stop - re: bedtime

[sconeonamission]

OMG! This has got to stop! On average, each night, it takes 90mins (give or take) to get Jensen to bed. He's 2 (and a bit). He has his own room, a big boy bed, a cuddle bear called PJ. It's exhausting what happens.

Right. We both kiss him good night. One parent will put him to bed. Tuck him in. Read a story if he want one, kiss him again, pull the blanket up (he likes the blanket on regardless of the temp!) turn on his relaxing music and fan and walk out the door. Sometimes the door is pulled slightly shut so there's not light pouring into the room.

The moment the parent leaves Jensens side, the screaming starts. The further away, the louder. by the time the parent gets back to the lounge room (or our bedroom), Jensen's made it off the bed, out the door and is crying his way down the hallway.

It's the other parents turn.
It happens all again.

Sometimes the first time, but mainly the 2nd time I take him back to his room and lie with him. Most times he'll roll over, face the wall and fall asleep, almost instantly!

I also work 1-2 nights a week. Those nights, when dh picks him up from whoevers looking after him, Jensen will fall asleep on the way home and stay asleep. Or he'll be awake and they calm down and chill out in our bed watching tv.

Tonight, against the norm, it was only a 30 min drama! Isn't that the way!

It's so darn exhausting. What can we do??

[Lulu]

I'd make it a habit to just stay in there with him from the start. I had to do that with dd. It drove me nuts till I worked out she just needed me in there longer.
The time will get shorter and shorter though, might as well short circuit the entire drama!

[ss_storm]

Have you tried staying in the room, not just walking straight out, and gradually move a bit closer to the door? Gives him the security that you are there and not just 'disappearing' out the door.
I do this with DD, I never used to as I'd just put her to bed and she would go to sleep pretty much straight away. But then she started getting a bit difficult to put to bed, so I stay next to her cot, maybe let her hold one of my fingers, and gradually move closer to the door. It helps that when she goes off to sleep she likes to cover her eyes with her hands, so once she starts doing that I start moving away from her.

[BekZ]

Ditto to what Lulu suggested. I would also try what SS_storm suggested as well. Slowly remove yourself from the room.


Goodluck it is so hard and exhausting isn't it.

[Lulu]

It helps that when she goes off to sleep she likes to cover her eyes with her hands.

OMG that is adorable

[ss_storm]

Lol it is Lulu She has always done it, every single sleep! First she scrunches her eyes with her hands, then once she is drifting off just has them over her eyes. It's great cause I know when she is trying really hard to go to sleep, and when she is drifting off! Lol

[BhoysGirl]

We've had major issues with DS going (and staying) asleep, pretty similar to what you are describing. He wouldn't go to sleep unless I was in the room, and would invariably wake up within a few minutes of me leaving the room. Which then developed into me spending pretty much all of the night on cushions next to his bed, just so we could all get some sleep through the night.

Anyway, long story short (ish), this is what we did, and it's worked wonders for getting my DS to settle:

1. We have a clear going to bed routine - for us, that means dinner between 5.30 & 6, bath at about the same time each night (7pm suits us), into bed at around 7.30,read 3-4 books, then a cuddle & kiss for Mum & Dad, then lie down and go to sleep. We're not 100% rigid all of the time - eg, sometimes i'll do a couple more books, sometimes we don't always have a bath, and christmas & boxing day were all over the place. But mostly, we stick to the plan.

2. Once he's calmly lying down ( I won't leave if he's upset), then I walk out of his room. If he has a play, or reads a book to himself, that's fine. I only react if he tries to leave his room, then he is told to hop back into bed and go to sleep. if he's upset, then step 3...

3. We found that trying to start close then move out just didn't work for us, but the opposite approach did - ie leave the room completely, then if he's upset, I go to the door and offer comfort from there - 5-6 times if necessary. If the comforting from the door didn't work, then I moved a little way into his room, and just sat there, occasionally saying things like "it's sleep time, it's okay, time to go to sleep". If that still didn't work, and he was still upset, then I gave cuddles, but once he was calm, back into bed and start the process again. I found that we only had to do this for 2 days, and then all of a sudden, he was right onto the plan, and would just calmly roll over, cuddle his teddy and go to sleep. The transformation was amazing, I'm still pinching myself.


If any of this sounds like controlled crying - please put that down to a bad explanation, because it's definitely not been that at all, CC is something I'm completely unable to do. I have (IMHO) a gorgeous, but very strong willed DS, and these days i'm very good at telling the difference between a disgruntled "I didn't get what I want" cry vs a distressed cry, and I only react to the distressed cry. For us, the key has been to identify a process that would work for all of us (ie one that DH & I were comfortable with, and could be jointly consistent with), and to stick to it for more than 2 minutes. I think it's said that changing habits takes a minimum of 3 weeks, and so I expected that it would take a while for things to really change, so didn't give up. We're still having to settle him through the night, sometimes 3-4 times, but I'm no longer sleeping on the floor, and getting him back to sleep generally only takes a minute or two (literally), which has been a huge improvement. And I've had nearly 4 weeks of sleeping in my own bed for a change, which is so much more comfortable, especially these days.

[tiffanny]

I'm with Lulu on this one.

My DD was in a big bed from around 18 months and we had to stay in there until she had fallen asleep. We still do now but only for five mins after the light is turned off. Most times she is still wide awake. We leave the door ajar just a little so she can see light and know that we are still up. I'll go in roughly 10 mins after leaving her room and she is sound asleep.

It can be a long process with some kids. I get jealous of my SIL on our rough days coz her lil boy will take himself off to bed and go off to sleep no probs by himself.

[mzcatieboo]

oh i feel your pain

DS is 3 next month and he screamed for a good 30minutes last night and fell asleep, he gets outta bed but i have a baby gate on his door so it gets closed when we walk out, i walk back in after 5 mins and put him back into bed. we do that untill he goes to sleep, DH & I take turns but DH is always the one to tuck him into bed and read a book as he had enough of me by bed time. he also has a lamp on when he goes to bed as he hates the dark.