Help, help, help... 8 month old all over the place with sleep and i am going crazy!!

[ttcin2007]

Hi,

I havent been on here for ages but i am at a total loss and would love some help. I have a beautiful 8 month old little girl who is not sleeping well. She was born small, but everything went fine for the first 4 months, we even had here sleeping 12hour nights for 2 of those months, then it all went down hill. She lost weight and didnt thrive for awhile which was scary and obviously sleep patterns went out the window. That is all resolved now and she is a healthy weight. But upuntil 2 weeks ago she was feeding 2 to 3 hourly daily and 2 hourly overnight, which was driving me insane from exhaustion (husband works long hours and i am by myself all day on our farm). So i tried everything, even had a referal in for Torrens House with CYHN. Nothing was working so i went to my pead who i trust and love. He is of the opinion (which i know most of you will hate) to go cold turkey after 6 months. So i did as he said took dummy away, stopped wrapping and gave her a nice bath bed time routine etc shut the door and came back after 12 hours. After 3 nights of crying we had it going pretty well and now she does sleep through the night (apart from the odd night where she cries a little but puts herself back to sleep). So i should be happy but...... every nap day or night she cries for up to 45mins. I find it so upsetting and just dont know what to do. I have left a message for my pead, but he probably wont have time till reply till next week. What can i do? I hate for her to cry but i dont want to undo the work we have done, as yes it is better, but previously i never let her cry so i HATE for her to be crying so much. I have a friend who is going through much worse as her child doesnt sleep at all, so i feel bad complaining but i honestly feel like i am loosing it and cant cope. Has anyone tried cold turkey or has any advice in general. Thanks everyone.

[Jac]

What settling methods are you using during the 45 min crying? Your little one obviously needs a little help getting themselves to sleep. I found, at that age, turning bubs to face away from me (on their side) and firmly patting hip/bottom area until bubs was quiet was useful. I would go in and start again if he started crying again. Unforntunately, there is no 'easy' answer when they are crying. It's hard to leave them to cry (I still wouldn't do that with my almost 2 year old - they are crying because they need you) and it's tiring to stand there and settle them but it must be done to gently help them to nod off. If you don't like the crying then you need to be settling your baby to sleep. It won't necessarily mean she will keep waking up, especially if your settle her in her cot. It's so hard though isn't it?
By the way, I think it's absurd to suggest shutting the door on a baby/child for 12 hours in order to get them to sleep (but many paeds will tell you to do this). There are other effective methods, they just require more time and effort!

[ttcin2007]

Thanks for the reply Jac. Trust me i have tried all the other ways. Even had CYH on the phone about 10 times one night as i tried the shhhh technique they suggest and it just seems like nothing works. That is a good idea to turn bella on her side away from me and pat. If i go back to that i will def try that one. I am just feeling like i dont have the energy to do it any more, i just dont know what to do and loosing all my confidence with mothering now.

[Jac]

I found the turning on side and firm patting to be really soothing for bubs. I would hold him like that for a little bit once quiet then turn him onto his back again before leaving. I agree that its such hard work but keep in mind that they are only little for such a short time really, so in retrospect it won't feel like you were worring about sleep issues for that long (even though it feels like forever at the moment). Also, if you are following your gut instinct and not what some Dr is telling you to do then your mothering skills will be just perfect for your bubs. Trust yourself. Let us know how you get on.

[Charlyfrog]

tbh I don't think you'll undo any work you've done this may seem left field, but will she settle if you just relax yourself in pillows or a comfy chair and just let her lay on you?

I must admit with DD#1 there'd be no way in the world I would've done that for fear of creating bad habits.....I have since learnt that this is not necessarily the case as I have done this with DD#2 every now and then in her short little life and all I have reaped is a cuddly snuggly bundle of cuteness who now goes to bed at 7pm, natters to herself for 10-15minutes and then sleeps through til approx 7am-ish, with maybe a few occasional oopsies of getting tangled in her sleep (monkey ) I'm not saying this will work but I'm wondering if taking a step back and forgetting about what the experts suggest may be worth a shot? Again, I went with experts first time and more instinct (with a pinch of expert) the second time and I much preferred and enjoyed the second time more. Even if she does stir when you pop her down, a little cry/whinge for a couple of minutes isn't a bad thing but maybe she just needs calming first?

I don't know if this is at all helpful but thought I'd share just in case

[Junglemum]

I just wanted to say if you have a look at all the sleep issue threads, most of them occur at 7 or 8 months. ( Was a bad time for us!) It seems to be an unsettled time for little-uns.
The best thing for both of you is for you not to be too upset or distressed about it all. I know if i am uptight my DD never settles well.
There are some great books out there to help you feel confident with your choices. The science of parenting is fantastic. Highly recommend it.
Best of luck and don't forget the new baby mantra ............."this too shall pass"

[ubba82]

Babies are very smart little things and it doesn't take them long to work out that 'if I cry, mum will come back and if I cry louder she will pick me up'. Children also have "short" memory spans. I cant remember the exact figures but dependant on their age, after a certain amount of minutes crying they forget what they are crying about and just keep going for the hell of it.


With my first, I always went into her every time she cried and like you I was exhausted. After a while I realised every time I went in she would stop crying and start smiling and cooing. When ever she cried after that I would stand outside her door and gently say "Mummy is here, go nigh nighs" and walk away. After that I let her cry a bit longer and eventually left her to put herself back to sleep. This process took about 1 month and she would cry for 5-10 mins and off she would go.
With my second, I went strait to the controlled crying method and it worked a treat. Mind you, with both my kids this was after 6 months of age as I believe a child younger than this still needs to be picked up and cuddled, after 6 months they just need to hear your voice - to know you are still there. Also I never let my kids cry hysterically.

Sorry for going on and on, hope it is some help.