HELP! Sleep issues

[Powelly]

I am slowly going insane with my DS who is 9.5 months old and has started being a real pain when it comes to getting him to sleep in his cot. He just stands there holding the rail and cries and whinges. He sleeps fine in his pram and I'm at my wits end as to what to do. It happens for his morning, afternoon and now his night sleep and takes him over an hour to go off. I have to keep going in and putting him back down and he just stands back up again. I'm getting so angry at him and have to keep taking 5 to deep breath as the whinging is really getting to me. Is it sep anxiety? How long does it last and what can I do (apart from strapping him down... I'm kidding) to get him to sleep. I don't want to keep walking him as he will get used to it.

[amberj]

Eek! Sorry, I have no advice, but my DS is about the same age and is just learning to pull himself up and I have wondered what to do should this happen to us. So I'm just bumping this up for some words of wisdom!

ETA: just noticed that our boys were born on the exact same day!

[kelebek]

Have you tried wrapping him loosely? to help him associate it with sleep. I started rewrapping DS at about 10 mnths, he doesn't always stay wrapped and we have progressed to leaving 1 arm out but I think helps him to sleep.

[jackrose]

Hi Powelly,

He is at that age!!! it seems the forums are often full of mothers loosing their mind with babies at that 8-10month age where there sleep patterns begin to develop a problem. I was one of them, went from having a beautiful sleeper to a terror sleeper and I completely lost it. It was a hellish 5 months for me.

I really think that from what you have said in your post that you are doing exactly the right thing. My impression with 8-10month olds are really going through a lot, they are beginning to move around a lot, beginning to become acutely aware of their environment, have a developing mastery over their bodies and therefore their physical environment and are often cutting some teeth. All of this disrupts their sleep and problems can really develop when they loose their ability to settle themselves back to sleep and end up relying on you for this.

This was a real problem for me with my DD who developed a breast attachement with sleep. She began to need my breast in her mouth to settle off to sleep and this meant that she would wake up to every 30-40minutes looking for the breast. I think u are right to be concerned about your DS developing an attachment to walking and the pram and you are very wise to try to find another answer. I wish I had been so switched on with my DD!!!

I have to keep going in and putting him back down and he just stands back up again.

This sounds like the perfect thing to do. If you calmly keep putting him back down, make sure you don't make a big deal of it, no eye contact, just a calm voice saying shhhh, sleepy time, or something else that works for you, a pat on the back until he is calm and settled again but not necessarily asleep then back out again. I know that staying calm is easier said than done though. I remember. These kids are pretty smart and pretty soon he will realise there is no point in getting up again as it always ends in the same thing. My DD pretty quickly worked out the system and would stand up and complain but then put herself down as I walked into the room. I would just pat her back till she calmed down, then walk out again. Sometimes I needed to repeat for an hour or so, BUT slowly but surely the time it took was less and less. It worked for us and a few other people I know.... and your DS is at the perfect age for it to work for him.

I'm getting so angry at him and have to keep taking 5 to deep breath as the whinging is really getting to me.

5 deep breaths is a great approach, try not to let him sense your frustration (I know easier said than done again). I tried to approach it calmly with the faith that it would work. I'd make myself a cup of tea, switch on the net to distract myself and keep going back in every few minutes. If DD got too worked up I would stay in the room for longer but mostly it was just the whinging.

Is it sep anxiety?

You know, it could also be this, but the approach you are taking will let him know in a safe way that you are there for him.

All the best, I will be thinking of you as I remember all too well how intense it is when their sleep patterns go haywire at this stage when it all should be going so well!


ETA : just thought of another approach, someone I asked for advice advocated sitting in the room with my DD as she went off to sleep and moving my chair closer to the door at each sleep time until I was out the door, ie slowly weaning her off having me there. This didn't work for us, if I was in the room she would just scream at me to get her out of the cot! It may work for you though, particularly if your DS's issue is separation anxiety.

[amberj]

jackrose, just wanted to say- what a great post! Your posts are always so helpful and informative- tried to give you rep, but I have to spread it around first

[Powelly]

Thank you so much for the wonderful posts ladies! He was still quite unsettled today. Had a good morning sleep, tired for over an hour to settle him this afternoon to no avail and he cried for 15 minutes tonight (which felt like 15 hours!) and is now asleep. I think we will continue on with the "leave for 5 mins and go in and pat" thing as it seems to be working.

Also, FYI, I spoke to Karitane today and they suggested cutting him back to 2 day sleeps. He is currently having 3 so tomorrow we will try and see how that goes. Wish us luck!

Oh and Amberj, that is so cool that our little men were born on the same day! We have two close friends also on the 10th so it's going to be a big day for us! What state are you from?

[A Bubs For Us]

I'm having sleeping problems with my 9 month old, and I don't know what to do.. for the last month or so, he wakes up during the night (can be from 12.30am to 3-4am) crying, and crawling around in his cot, and won't go back to sleep unless we take him into bed with us..

I've tried the patting and trying to get him back to sleep, but he's not interested.. just cries and cries.. so we'll get him back to sleep eventually and the moment you put him back in his cot, he's awake and crying again.. it's bad enough he goes to bed late (from 10pm onwards - have tried soooo many times to get him to bed earlier, and he's not interested - will chuck a tantrum), but know we have this problem as well, so he ends up not getting enough sleep during the night...

I don't know what to do.. any suggestions?

[Mak]

Hang in there! It is really hard work to stay calm and consistent when you are sleep deprived.... jackrose has given some great suggestions to work with. We had similiar issues with DD1 and had some great advice to hang in there with any routine change for at least 3 days before changing tack - I was so desperate for sleep we were all over the place doing something different each time we put her down - no wonder the poor thing couldn't get back to sleep!
Similarly she was having 3 great naps in the day and then not sleeping at night - so we cut the naps back (a very messy transition period) and created a firm night ritual which included a sleeping bag and her comfort blanket (which I had slept with prior so smelt of me)....and we had to readjust each time new teeth/illnesses arose.
I hope you can get some help to have a few catnaps over the next few days and catch up a little as it so difficult to stay together if you are tired. If you don't mind her sleeping with you - and you are sleeping better you could always do that too!
Most people have some periods of sleeping trouble with littlies - it is no reflection on how you are going as a parent and I am convinced some just don't need to sleep in the way we want them too!
Good Luck!