How do you deal with big kids at the park?

[boomba]

I am such a chicken when it comes to this stuff so wanted to know how you would deal with the situation.

We were at the play part in the shops today, DS was playing happily as he always does he just adores other kids! Always wanting to hug and kiss them. Well this big kid, now I say big I think he may have been 2 or 3 but he was the size of a 4 year old, started pushing the kids around a bit. So we just kept an eye on DS.

I went and sat down cause I was happy how he was playing and this kid came straight over and pushed Ds to the ground and he fell back and hit his head on the ground I ran straight over and picked him up and said to the little boy you must be gentle, I then looked around for his mum, cause I know if it was DS who had done something like this I would be straight over to apologise and tell DS no to do it. Anyway I thought it was ok , but this kid makes a beeline for DS again, DS was just standing waiting to go on the slide and he came and pushed him to the ground and started hitting him in the head and grabbing him. I was really upset that a little boy could be so violent. His mum finally came over and got the little boy but never apologised to us at all! Ds was screaming so much

I told DH and he said I should have said something? But what if she was embarrassed? Looking back I should have said something but what should I say? I always go and apologise if Ds has pushed a little kid off something or snatched something from them?

What do you think?

[Cassius2]

It is a really tough one that. we have similar *issues* when we take DD to play in the park. she is quite small for her age and has had to bear the brunt of some toddler thuggery lol! I usually in a firm voice to the child in question (as i am picking my child up off the floor) say: 'that wasn't very nice' and usually leave it at that. and make sure that i give DD a cuddle. also i then dont move too far away for a few minutes and if it looks as though the other child is coming back for more i place myself between them and DD as a way to allow her to continue her play and dissuade the other from choosing to do something not so nice (usually the short attention span of toddlers is a winner in this situation!).

I would think that the parent was really embarrassed and maybe has been having a hard time with the child, so chiding her may not be the most effective approach. this is of course to be put in context of whether the child is a repeat offender at the local park and it appears that the parents are just turning a blind eye IYKWIM. but for a once off at a supermarket i would let it pass (that said, i can throw a pretty disapproving glance when i want too, but again this is just more for my vindication that my girl was hurt than anything else).

HTH and hope your bubs is ok and not too shaken up!

[boomba]

Thanks hun! The mum was having coffee and we saw him push a little girl and she saw and said nothing, so dont think she was too bothered her son was being a bully iykwim.

Its so hard when they arev little and cant stick up for themselves hey!

[SamiH]

My DS1 was a big toddler - he wasn't deliberately mean like the little boy at the play thing - but if he wanted something - he went for it - toddler vision. I was on the end of a ranting mother once, and let me tell you - to this day I regret not saying something to her. She was absolutely awful - DS got on the slide first - yes he pushed in - but I mean really - am I personally to blame??? - nope.

What I am getting to is that I keep this in mind if something like this happens - as my DD is little for her age and gets pushed around abit at those places too - karma? lol ... I have before taken the child to their parent and asked them to tell their parent what happened - usually the child will just hang their head in shame if ill intent - which is the only time i will do it - when I can tell they are just being meanie.

I know in previous threads there is lots of hoohaa about blaming the parents of that naughty little boy and telling the mother what for etc - but honestly, sometimes as a parent you can try your hardest with the children - and things still happen.

I suppose moral of my story is to try and keep it kind

[fionas]

I've had a similar situation at a playcentre with DD (who's 19 months) and a boy who was about 4.

The little boy was quite possessive over a pedal car but DD took quite a fancy to it too and although she's only little she's VERY determined.

Anyhow, the boy was quite rough with her and at one stage started pulling her out of the car. I'd seen his mum doing his best with him and she'd already stepped in quite a lot when he was doing similar things with other children. So I didn't blame her - I actually felt sorry for her because he was a handful but the lioness in me wanted to protect my cub, so I told him quite forcefully, "that's not cool" and in best Paddington Bear style (for anyone who watches that), "gave him a very hard stare."

He seemed to get the message and did not bother DD again.

For me, it came down to whether the mum was trying to do the right thing or not. In this case, like I said, she really was doing her best. If she'd been ignoring the situation, she'd have got a piece of my mind. If kids are going to be too rough and ruin everyone else's time while you sit and have a coffee, then that's not on IMO.

[Ozziehoffy]

I have actually told 2 kids off , told them very sternly not to push. No one else was doing anything about it and yes Oskar was crying from it. I don't know if I had the right to or not but in my mind I did as they had hurt my child and they need to know it's not acceptable behaviour. I really get rather cranky about having to watch other peoples kids in those play areas to make sure they're not attacking/hurting/pushing or whatever else to Oskar. I've actually witnessed several mothers LEAVE their kids unattended and gone off to shop....UMMM HELLO!!! Not only might their child get hurt but may hurt another child. SHAME SHAME SHAME!! The other unfortunate part I see in it is our kids can and do learn from what others do to them!

[Lulu]

I tell everyones kids off basically, but I do it a certain way.

Some kids seem to make a bee line for little ones to push over and I am more than happy to kneel down, put my hand on their shoulder or arm (no I DON'T care about touching other peoples children!) and say firmly - don't push her over, its not nice and look them in the eye until they break contact.
THEN I say, hey lets all go on the slide, and get them all having turns nicely and it seems to work every time.

[Willow]

Usually if it's minor I let it go, but if it's intentional and repetitive or especially violent I say something. I usually do same thing, get down and make direct eye contact and say firmly in my best 'mummy' voice something like "you need to be gentle" or "we don't push little babies" etc. Seems to work OK. Giving them the eye seems to do the trick, especially if they are 4, 5 etc. They know they're doing the wrong thing and you've busted them.

[rhyb]

I would of said something. Your DS has every right to be there and enjoy himself without other kids hurting him. Hope he's ok now.

[boomba]

Thanks girls. I definately dont blame mum at all. But its not hard to say a quick sorry iykwim.

x

[Visitor8]

Hugs to your little man. What a horrible thing to encounter.

[boomba]

She obviously cared to remove him, but I usually make the boys say sorry or I do it myself. I suppose you have to think this child might have problems with interaction, could be backwards socially, even something like aspergers. The mother might be having real trouble with his behaviour. So I would be weary of saying anything to HER. But she should have said sorry.

Totally thats why I didnt say anything, it took her nearly half an hour of him pushing other kids though to take him oh well its done now hey ? thanks for asking about DS he is fine just me who is the sook

I feel bad now! I should have not said anything and just left it. I have just re read and feel that maybe i came across to harsh or something? Maybe I am just a little over protective? Sorry

[Lulu]

Oh I wouldn't feel bad mate.

Yes, she did remove him, but she should have done sooner. I think its telling that she didn't ask the child to apologize. That's how you teach your child and that's what a parent does.
It doesn't matter if the child could possibly have aspergers, there are plenty of mums with aspy kids and I know they wouldn't walk out without saying sorry. Aspy kids need manners too!

[Visitor8]

Yes she should have removed him sooner but there could be reasons why she didn't (like not noticing). Yes it's happened to me, 3 kids at the play gym and only me with 2 eyes which can't go 2 different ways lol I ended up with a parent telling me Chase was getting rough in the ball pit, I was horrified... So embarrassing

And no don't feel bad. You had the same reaction most if not all mothers would have had

[min]

Yeah, I am a bit offended by that generalisation of Aspies kids missymoo. Jackson has aspergers and they generally are not violent and do not normally initiate that sort of behaviour, rather they tend to shy away from initiating most social behaviours.

Having said that all Apsies kids are different, but no child, Aspies or otherwise should be unsupervised to the point where they are continually bulling other children in a playground and I definately would've said something.

I had a similar situation not that long ago at a playground. I was sitting in the playground with my children playing at a shopping centre where there is an eating area just outside the playground. And one boy approx 2yo was being extremely violent with all the other kids, he was smacking, pushing, puching, yelling etc and the mother was nowhere to be seen. This kid ran over to Leo for no reason whatsoever and pushed him and then kicked him in the back when he was on the ground. I went up and told him "No! you do not kick, you be gentle!" and he stopped. When the mother finally showed up a few minutes later to collect her child I said "excuse me, is he your son?" she said he was and I said "Well, he has been bullying all of the children the whole time he has been in here, I have seen him push and punch other kids, and he kicked my child in the back" She just looked at me blankly and I said "perhaps if you were supervising him you could discourage this kind of behaviour, it is really not acceptable in a playground when other kids are being hurt" she said "Oh, OK" and walked off - what kind of a response is that???? Another mother there thanked me for saying something.

[paradise lost]

The only thing i have to add re: the child is to be careful about guessing ages. My DD easily passes for 4 in looks, language and behaviour (most of the time). She's 2. Havng said that i DO stop my 2 year old assaulting other people!

[sirenz]

OMG, if that was me, i definately would have said something!! I really don't understand why parents just leave their children unsupervised in those playgrounds, ANYTHING can happen.

I used to work at the logan hyperdome and the massive playground they had there (not sure if its still there cause its been ages) was always full of kids, but rarely any parents standing around supervising.

There was quite a few times where I had to tell kids not to push others or even to not open the gate unless their parents were there to greet them because other kids would get out. Honestly i was a nervous wreck working there (I used to work at a photo booth they had there and it was right next to the gate of the playground). There was also times when i said something to parents when they clearly have just left there child in there and went off shopping, i mean how stupid can you be? How would you know if your child was hurt or hurting others or worse still, kidnapped by some phsyco if your not there to watch them!