I am trying to psych myself up for next week when DH goes back to work and I will be left with our 3 kids alone for the first time. DH works a mixture of day/arvo/night shifts each block then has 2-3 days off work. DS2 is becoming quite clingy (yay...not) and will not sleep much through the day unless he's on someone, though when he finally does sleep he will sleep for a few hours. Through the night I'm up with him 3-4 times, sometimes for 1-2 hours at a time. DS1 needs someone to sleep with him, and often still wakes 1-2 times a night, DD occaisionally wakes through the night, though mostly sleeps through now. But she wakes early, usually around 6/630ish. So for me the days DH is working, I am not going to be sleeping much.
I have gone through DD and DS1 being difficult babies and terrible sleepers before, but the difference then was that we were living close to family and friends. Though I didn't ask for help often and wasn't very often offered any by anyone other than DH, I always knew that there was someone there to help out, I would often go to mums (usually once a week) and end up asleep on her lounge and she owuld take the kids outside for an hour or so to play so I could rest, plus those days she would cook dinner for us. Occaisionally I would leave DD with SIL for a few hours and just rest with DS1.
Now, we live 900km away from family and close friends. I am already struggling a bit with the tiredness, plus I am anaemic too which is making it all the more difficult. I get terribly moody when I am tired. My anxiety levels rise and my moods decline. The house is a bomb already and that's with the two of us home.
I just don't want to end up in the state I was in when DS1 was little. Or when DD was a new born. I think I had PND both those times, but the doctor kept on saying I was just tired. I am actually enjoying my baby and children now. I am coping and liking being a mum, but I can see when DH isn't here to help like he is, I will struggle. There have been a few times which he has gone out or had a nap and I just yell at the big kids and DS2 crying sends me over the edge and I end up bawling too. I don't want to be that mother again. How do I do it without DH's help all the time and not fall apart?? I can already feeel my anxiety levels rising and he's not due back to work til Monday!