How do you get your toddler to go to bed?

[Artechim]

DS is nearly 2.5 and his refusal to go to sleep at night is having a massive effect on our whole family. He keeps on coming out of his room, time after time for up to 2 hours. We have tried cuddles, reasoning, bribery, taking toys away, shutting the door, yelling. Nothing works and he doesn't go to sleep until he is too exhausted to continue.

He gets up around 7am, doesn't have a day nap and then is supposed to go to bed at 8pm but we have been letting him stay up closer to 8.30-9pm because then there is less time spent trying to settle him.

DH has cracked it big time and wants to buy a lockable door knob and just lock him in there. I won't let this happen and it is causing big problems between DH and I.

I don't think he is over tired at all, because even a 20 minute nap means he won't go to bed before 10pm. We go for a walk for about 30 minutes nearly every night to burn off some energy.

Any suggestions for how to get him to go to sleep would be very appreciated because I don't know how much longer we can continue like this.

[BrightSparkles]

I know my DD is younger but we have a set and regular routine:
5.30 - 6pm - Dinne
6.30pm - Bathtime
7pm - Bottle and quiet time. Whether this is sitting on the lounge watching the wiggles with a bottle or cuddles or books
7.30pm - kiss and cuddle for mum/dad whoever isn't putting her to bed then we walk to the bedroom, find teddy, put music on, kiss goodnight lights off, close the door.

There are times where this doesn't work and it takes longer to settle her but a regular routine has helped.
* Can you put a gate on the door instead of a lockable handle? Then your DS will know your still there but can't get out.
* Maybe a go shopping for a toy of his choice that he is ONLY allowed to have at bedtime?
*Do you go in at every cry? Maybe letting him whinge (not to a point of distress) and seeing if he settles and only going in every 5mins or so?
*Is there an obvious reason ( I know my brother had "issues" with things in the cupboard, we ended up making "magic spray")

If I think of anything else i'll come back and post.
HTH in the meantime.

[Trillian]

Maybe you could tell him that he will need to go back into the cot, because a big boy like him should be able to go to bed and stay in bed (I know he should understand that rationale) but if he can't stay in bed he will go back into a cot and it upsets you and Dad when you don't stay in your bed etc. Other than that I really don't know what else you can do, because I know you've tried almost everything already

[Artechim]

Trill, he has never been in a cot. We have tried telling him that it makes us sad but it doesn't do anything. It has been such an on-going nightmare and DH said some things last night that made me realise that it is really affecting their relationship.

Sunshine, thanks for your reply. We always do tea, walk, bath, books then bed. He doesn't usually cry at the start, he just keeps getting up and coming out, then eventually DH will shut the door on him which starts a tantrum. We go in every few minutes, he will calm down but won't get in bed and then comes straight out, the door gets shut again and the cycle repeats until he is so exhausted that he can't keep up the fight any more.

[BrightSparkles]

Trill, he has never been in a cot. We have tried telling him that it makes us sad but it doesn't do anything. It has been such an on-going nightmare and DH said some things last night that made me realise that it is really affecting their relationship.

Sunshine, thanks for your reply. We always do tea, walk, bath, books then bed. He doesn't usually cry at the start, he just keeps getting up and coming out, then eventually DH will shut the door on him which starts a tantrum. We go in every few minutes, he will calm down but won't get in bed and then comes straight out, the door gets shut again and the cycle repeats until he is so exhausted that he can't keep up the fight any more.

HOw long has this been happening for?

[Artechim]

Coming out of his room has been happening for about the last 4 months. I assume it started as some sort of insecurity from having the new baby, now it is a frustrating habit. He will go into his room and announce "I am not going to sleep" and then it begins...

[BrightSparkles]

Could you maybe try some calming relief? I know Brauer do one- maybe it might be enough to settle him. It sounds like you are doing so much already to sort this out.
Hang in there hun, i'm sure it will get better soon. xx

[~*Niadalla*~]

I actually have a baby gate across DS' door. It took about 2 nights until he realised he wasn't able to get out and he's been fantastic ever since. Once I put him to bed (most nights) he just stays in bed until he wakes at 8.30am the next morning. He doesn't generally wake during the night at all and we never hear a peep.

There are the odd nights here and there, but 95% of the time he is great.
He has the same bedtime every night - 7.30pm.

We are going to start trying to take the baby gate away in coming weeks.

[Fig]

You may not have enough time for this / or have already tried it. After our bedtime routine, I read books to DD then turn out the light and then talk to her quietly about what has happened that day, or what is going to happen tomorrow. Then I tell her its time to go to sleep and that I will stay for a little while. I then just close my eyes and pretend to sleep. She normally falls straight to sleep or at least gets drowsy enough for me to give her a kiss and leave the room.

Luckily for me, the baby goes to bed before her so I have the time for this.