How do you keep your toddler from running away in the shops?

[RoyaUK]

I think there are ways of using the harness.

For DD1, she was very compliant and really it was for my mum's peace of mind when taking her out by herself. DD2 is a bolter and it really saved her on many occasions.

my rule is to hold hand whilst wearing it, i.e. not just holding the end like a dog lead and looping the loop through my wrist for my own peace of mind unless both hands are busy (when opening my purse for example).

[onthefly]

I thought the same about leashes, but then I actually started learning about little kids and realised they sometimes don't do as y ou ask. I'm lucky that my boy is not a runner and I've only used the leash once in public (he loves me to walk him around the house with it though ). He's always been pretty good about staying close, or else sitting in the stroller or trolley.
DS is very reasonable for a toddler and always has been, some just aren't. What can you do? Ideally you'd have an extra person or two with you all the time, but that rarely happens these days.

[wysiwyg]

We use a harness if not taking pram and is near busy roads, and to be honest I don't understand why some people view it as ok to strap an unwilling child into a pram but not to use a harness. We use it a bit less now because DD is a better height for hand holding but before I had to lean too much and gave back ache. I prefer DD to not be in pram all the time because walking is good for her and also I like her to be able to lead and explore so the harness is a good compromise I know I can stop her running into the road if she chose to so can keep her safe, but I still teach her not to go near the road and boundaries, and don't have to limit her to the pram. You can't predict everything that can happen so sometimes you just need to be able to stop them in my opinion.

[Kazzo]

We have a harness for DD1 and she loves it. It is actually just a backpack that has a short lead attatched. DD1 loves that she carries a few of her own things when we are out. DD1 is a very confident little girl and has no worries if she can not see me. When I go out, it is 99% of the time without DH as he works alot. I can't just pick DD1 up, put her in a trolley or pram because I also have DD2. The sense of calm I have that she has to stay with me, can not run away to any danger, no one can take off with her.
It actually only took DD1 a few times at wearing the harness to realise she could not walk off and now she is great at staying near me. Personally I think they are great and god help anyone if they tell me that I treat my child like a dog. I bet anyone who has ever had their dog run over while out walking wishes they had harnessed their dog.

[AnyDream]

A monkey backpack (harness) lover here. Never needed it with DD1 who was a very happy pram-sitter for a very long time, but DD2 was a bit of a bolter. We had one with a doggie on it, gosh she loved wearing it and often got it out and wore it around the house, holding the strap herself. In fact for a couple of months last year she would happily tow DD1 around (who had those heelies - shoes with wheels on) around the shop while we got our groceries. LOL.

[Taurean]

Another who hated the harness but is a proud owner of one now and so are half of my mummy friends!

DD is still really good in the pram - I am so lucky! But when she needs to or we want her to stretch her legs, the harness goes on. Her harness is a pink poodle and she LOVES it

[~clover~]

I really don't get this aversion to harnesses. We lock/strap our kids up every day... whats so different about a harness compared to a lock on your door, fenced yard, safety gate?

Personally I'd much rather my child alive than worry about what something looks like!

[~clover~]

I flat out refuse to use a harness, just will not do it. I really dislike watching parents use them, the kids are being pulled and yanked in different directions, IMO boundaries arent really being set (well from what I can tell from friends who use them). (please don't take offence anyone)
We have rules when we go out and both girls know what happens if they break those rules. We turn around, we get back in the car, and will go home. If we get back to the car and they are behaving then we will continue shopping. They know they either hold my hand, Dh's hand or each others hand. If they feel the need to do a runner, then its trolley or stroller (although we dont take that very often anymore). Before giving up, I will bargain with them, normally its a cheesy roll to share, or something similar. But if the tantrum then continues in the trolley then straight to the car. I can always do my shopping another time if need be.

Some of us aren't that lucky. I can't do it another time. I have 4 kids & no back up help. Shopping is also in the next town.
None of mine were bolters til now either, but the past few weeks DS (who's 3) has really been pushing it.

For me what do I do? I could strap him in the trolley & just put up with the screaming as I do now. There is no reasoning with him. Then have everyone in the supermarket *****ing about me (happened only last week, they winged to my friend about 'that other one who can't control her kids'), or not eat... Hmmm..... tough choice.

[shaza12345]

Same here we use the BEAR BACKPACK HARNESS, When i was a teenage i was the same so aganist the harness but now being a mother of a nealy Three year old that like to run off in the shops i understand why they are used. I love Bear and DS does too we just say bear wants to give you a hug for a little while and it keeps him safe and thats the most important thing i dont care what people think and its not that i cant handle my children its that his a tipical three year old that likes to explore the world around him but least this way he still can and i know where he is and know that he is safe.

[Taurean]

I flat out refuse to use a harness, just will not do it. I really dislike watching parents use them, the kids are being pulled and yanked in different directions, IMO boundaries arent really being set (well from what I can tell from friends who use them). (please don't take offence anyone)
We have rules when we go out and both girls know what happens if they break those rules. We turn around, we get back in the car, and will go home. If we get back to the car and they are behaving then we will continue shopping. They know they either hold my hand, Dh's hand or each others hand. If they feel the need to do a runner, then its trolley or stroller (although we dont take that very often anymore). Before giving up, I will bargain with them, normally its a cheesy roll to share, or something similar. But if the tantrum then continues in the trolley then straight to the car. I can always do my shopping another time if need be.

Bargaining with a toddler ain't gonna work, not in my house at least. And getting in the car and heading home if the toddler didn't stay put?? When on earth would a mother get the shopping done not to mention the time she'd waste going back and fourth to the car or to and from the shops!

I agree with the other posters, I just don't get the problem with a harness when we happily strap our kids into prams, trolleys, high chairs and car seats daily. It just doesn't make sense to me that they are so offensive to other parents. I understand non-parents not 'getting' them and how good they are but not other parents. They just aren't that different to all our other 'strap-in' devices we use as parents.

[Ozstar]

I agree with the other posters, I just don't get the problem with a harness when we happily strap our kids into prams, trolleys, high chairs and car seats daily. It just doesn't make sense to me that they are so offensive to other parents. I understand non-parents not 'getting' them and how good they are but not other parents. They just aren't that different to all our other 'strap-in' devices we use as parents.

I agree with this. Using a harness gives them much more freedom than being strapped into a pram.
We used a little monkey backpack harness for DS, he always had to hold our hand while wearing it, it was just for added safety. DD will be using it once she no longer wants to be in the pram.

[Doing my best]

Maybe the guilt wouldn't be so bad it people didn't call them leashes (a leash is a rope or lead used around the neck or head of an animal). And I have never seen one used in that manner..

And not all parents use the harness to tug and control their children. When I only have 1 of mine with me (3 and 19mths), they are well behaved, and I don't need anything. But when together they want to chase and play with each other. I have the harness on,but most of the time I am still holding hands, and have that as a back up measure for that moment when they are bored, and want to run towards danger. If I am holding the harness, unless they are headed for danger, there is so much flack in the lead part, that they still have their freedom.

[Razzberry]

Thanks for your ideas! I hadn't even thought about the fact that we strap out kids into prams, highchairs etc!!! And its good to know that I'm not a "bad mum" who can't control their child - even my paediatrician and my GP have commented on how "strong willed" and "independent" my DD is. Your also right about not being able to reason with some children - her language skills are jus not there yet.

Thanks so much!!!

[~Kim~]

If you can get one to borrow you might be able to gauge her reaction.

I am the mother to two bolters, but it only took DD one time wearing it to realise that she far preferred holding my hand or the safety strap on the pram. We only used it a few times with DS when he was over following our rule of holding hands and only then around , my wrist whilst he is holding my hand. He got it soon enough.

[ladybird11]

Depends on whether DH is with me or not, but he likes to let the kids have a run for a bit - so we might try to take them to a park before hand to get rid of some energy beforehand.

Each trip depends on the kids really, DD (3.5yrs) doesn't really bolt on us and if she did she'd come back when we call her. Sometimes at roads / carparks though, she doesn't want to hold hands, at that point its a stern talking to, and if she still doesn't play the game with us she is suitably restrained (whether it be back in the trolley, pusher, or being held, kicking and screaming if necessary - I don't muck around when it comes to roads .

DS (21mths) on the other hand is a bolter. I can't let him out of the pusher / trolley if I'm by myself, but if DH is with me we let him go and it depends on how far he bolts and the urgency of our shopping trip as to if we'd harness him, or place him back into the trolley / pusher.

Little scallywags!

[beansbeans!]

Bargaining with a toddler ain't gonna work, not in my house at least. And getting in the car and heading home if the toddler didn't stay put?? When on earth would a mother get the shopping done not to mention the time she'd waste going back and fourth to the car or to and from the shops!

I agree with the other posters, I just don't get the problem with a harness when we happily strap our kids into prams, trolleys, high chairs and car seats daily. It just doesn't make sense to me that they are so offensive to other parents. I understand non-parents not 'getting' them and how good they are but not other parents. They just aren't that different to all our other 'strap-in' devices we use as parents.

I can honestly say I bargaining works with both my girls 95% of the time. Very rarely do I ever have to leave the shops due to misbehaviour. Actually I rarely have to bargain with them either. We talk about what we're doing down the shops, things we see etc, that keeps them happy and busy normally. Normally they only play up when they are tired or out of sorts.
This morning I took both girls down the street, we went to the supermarket, through 3 large busy carparks, then to 2 video shops. They both held hands, they both walked by themselves and stayed within their boundaries. There was no bribes. Both were good.
Personally I don't think of it as wasting my time or energy, Im teaching my girls that there are ramifications to their actions even when they are outside of the home. I would rather do that than put them on a harness, actually I would personally use all other options before the harness! May I just say we have rarely used a pram or stroller even since birth. Even trolleys are rarely used, normally if I will be in need of one. Since both girls could walk they have held hands and walked down the street, our pram and stroller are only used when we go on long walks etc where the girls are likely to need a rest.
Oh and yes as a parent I do find using a harness offensive. Thats my point of view, thats how DH and I feel as parents, as adults.

[~clover~]

Well I find your views offensive & unfair. Unfortunately I can't control my kids. I'm only talking about food shopping. I have a baby & SPD. I can't run. I have enough trouble pushing the trolley!
Again, My priority is my childs life. If he's likely to run (he can climb out of a trolley) what do I do? I can't push a trolley & a pram.
I pulled him out of the car & threatened to leave him on the side of the road last week coz he kept taking his seatbelt off!

I honestly would like to know your answer, coz I'm at a loss...

[beansbeans!]

I don't know your children, so I can't tell you 'what to do'. Also Im not that lucky, its taken a lot of work to get them where they behaviour wise when we go out. Personally I don't care what other people say about me, especially if they dont know me. They are seeing a small snapsot of time. They havent seen the morning that has been had, they don't know about the night before. They don't even know if my child is crying due illness, being tired or whether its just a tanty.
These days the only one who is likely to have a tanty or push boundarries down the street is DD2. If she does have a meltdown, and people starting making comment, and I hear. I am very likely to say something back or at least to DD2 if I feel like it. Normally its along the lines 'oh wow, DD2 that would be why having a nap is such a great idea', 'I know you want to do that, but Im sorry Im not letting you'. Or if its to the people talking about me, 'You know what you wouldnt like being controlled either if you're being told you can have something you really want, do something you really want to do. I've told my children know, so they don't slip you up, get in your way, or break something. thats fair isnt it?'. And 'if you really would like to say something about my parenting practices than please come and say it to me, and also if you have another solution to my problem then please share, because parents very rarely share enough of the good stuff.'
And I very rarely get the help of Dh, he very rarely goes shopping with us, normally I go down with just me and the girls And yes I also shop in the next town over, or its an hour drive to the next lot of shops.
Oh and my the way, just because I disagree with the use of a harness on my children, and have my own opinion on the use of them from what I can see when Im out. That doesnt mean that I am judging your parenting or your parenting sklls.
Are you serious clover? you find my point of view offensive because I disagree with harnesses? I find your point of view about my decision not to use harnesses rather offensive. We all do what we can as parents.
I will say that yup, DD1 went through a faze where she would take her seatbelt off a while back. I remember a 3hr trip taking 4hrs because everytime she took it off, I pulled over, turned the car off and waited. She would eventually contort her body enough to slip her arms back in. I would tighten her carseat, alter where the straps were and she would always get out. I don't remember what the tning point was, one day was normal, then the next she finally worked it out, I suppose.
As I said at the beginning of this post, I don't know what will work with your children. Far out I'm still trying to work out what works with my own girls. And what worked yesterday isn't going to work for sure today or tomrrow.
There are things that Dh and I both agree on as parents, things we will not use, or do. Harnesses are one of those things. I wont aplogise for it, thats our decision and we are sticking to it. Why is that offensive to you or to anyone else?