How do you NOT compare them

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

I want to know how to make sure i'm not constantly comparing DD1 to DD2 etc.

It's started already and i don't want to judge every milestone or achievement based on what DD1 did.

DD1 has always been petite, 10th% for weight since she was born and i have been so nervous before every weigh in for DD2 that she wont put on much weight like her sister.
She's doing brilliantly though, she's already HEAPS bigger than her sister was at the same age, well over 100g difference even though there was only 10g difference in their birth weight.

DD1 sat from 5mths old, didn't crawl til after 10mths and didn't walk til after 12mths, i don't WANT to be judging DD2 based on this, i want her to be an individual and be judged as an individual....

SOOOOO how do you stop yourself from constantly comparing them?
OR
Do you compare them and does it make you feel better or worse about things?

Silly questions i know but i don't want to be like my mum who is forever comparing 1 brothers sporting ability to anothers etc etc

[ss_storm]

I think it's ok to compare them, just not judge them against each other iykwim. I have a friend with a 12 month old and we talk about their achievements/milestones and when they did them, but at the same time we aren't saying one is "better" than the other because they did whatever first.

[Trillian]

I was the reverse when it came to DS1 and DD1 and their weights - DS gained weight like no tomorrow and would put on up to 350g a week but DD would be lucky to put on 100-150g and that was hard for me at first, because I did compare them a lot at first mainly out of worry kwim? but after a while I came to realise that the amount of weight she gained was out of my control, so I was able to let go of that kwim? With developmental milestones I never really compared them. Sure I had it in my mind "oh DS didn't do that till he was x wks/mths old' or 'gee, DD is doing that way before DS did' but its more of a point of reference, like you are just noting the differences in development rather than comparing them. Does that make sense?

[Mad Scientist]

I use dd1's milestones as a guide all the time rather than looking at some other kids milestones that aren't related to my baby so kinda irrelevant. It's my best guide as to what to expect but dd2 is about as different to dd1 as someone who isn't related! Hahaha. One was very chubby the other is very tall. one crawled at 10 months, the other crawled at 7 months! We're not comparing and judging, we are simply comparing. It will be different when they are older. Comparing achievements such as school grades etc will be easier to avoid. Comparing dd2's milestones to dd1's is like comparing dd2's to your first hand knowledge of what your babies might do. In your heart you know that it isn't going to affect them unless you start saying that one is better than the other for crawling earlier or whatever. Give yourself a little break. It's ok

[Roryrory]

I think it's ok to compare them, just not judge them against each other iykwim

I think this is spot on. I think it also makes a difference to not talk about them in front of them, whether you are comparing or not. Often parents causally say things like "oh, Johnny is not really into sport, he's much happier with a book". Kid thinks, ok, mum had an approving ton ein her voice when she said that, maybe she prefers kids who like books more than sporty kids. Personally I think this sort of thing can be as detrimental as outright comparisons.

But good on you for caring about this sort of thing - your girls will appreciate it in the long run!

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

But good on you for caring about this sort of thing - your girls will appreciate it in the long run!

Thanks everyone.. i hated when my brother and i got compared as i was good at english etc but he was good at maths (my worst subject).
Our teachers compared us, so did family.. it sucked.

I don't care if 1 grows up to clean toilets for a living while the other ends up playing netball for australia... i want them to be themselves and be treated as an individual.

I agree though there IS a difference b/w comparing them and judging them...

Your all so brilliant and wise