Great ideas Gigi- you have given me some ideas!
Buliej- I have found making suggestions around birthdays/Christmas etc helpful to close family members. Like "I saw some wooden stacking blocks in target that I know x would love". Or I also suggest non-toy things like clothes (again I request non licenced or printed clothing), books (again, not TV or movie related texts), art materials etc
I think one needs to differentiate between the givers. So I am not worried about a one off birthday present for my chn from a friend at their party and wouldn't say anything to the parent (but recycle the gift if necessary or put it away or let them play with it until the novelty has worn off). However for grandparents, aunts, uncles etc then they will be repeatedly buying gifts over the years so it is worth saying something. A good idea is to type up a list of suitable toys/gifts ideas and give each of these people a copy. Some cheaper alternatives will soften it!! But I wouldn't try and control what grandparents buy for their own home other than to suggest ideas or simply say I prefer my child doesn't play with plastic. Homemade toys are great and grandparents might like to make these with the grandchildren as an activity. Same with your list- suggest home knitted toys, muslin playcloths, photobooks, etc- things that the givers can make themselves. People are often hesitant in making gifts as they are unsure as to how they will be received but if you make it clear you value those type of things, they can be lovely gifts. And very few people make things from plastic!
For my part, I would recommend the following:
1) I don't think you can control what your DS plays with when outside your home. So let his grandparents buy what they want for their house. He won't be there that much to be overly exposed to things you don't want him to be, right?
2) Mention in casual conversation to your firends about the type of things you want for your DS and the type you don't.
3) If people you are not that close to and not comfortable being blunt with want to buy him toys - let them. As you don't know these people so well, chances they won't know that your DS will not be playing with the toys. You can then either regift them, or make them the toys that you take to the beach/the park/on holiday, i.e. things that you won't mind if they get broken or lost...
I'd let them know straight out that that's what you want for your son. We've asked my parents not to buy certain things for DS and although they might not share the same views as us, they're understanding of our style of parenting. We discussed things early on and I think they're actually thankful that they know we'll appreciate their efforts in choosing what to do. For instance, they gave DS some beautiful and artful books for Christmas and some handknitted and sewn toys, and then sent some money for his bank account at Easter (he's much too young to appreciate it, but they knew we didn't want chocolate).
Let them know early on- especially if they're there for the long run Then everyone will know what the story is.
You have to tell EVERYONE, I had this issue with coordinating Stuff for baby #2 and it still didn't quite work. And money is a good substitute for toys.
We're finding with #3 that we only get money not toys, the other two kids got flooded with toys but #3 has so far been given a handful of trucks and cars and that's about it. And his big sister has swiped all of those. The poor kid is going to grow up with a complex.
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Then everyone will know what the story is.
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